Do I get in contact with his dad?

[MummaJ32]

My son is 3.5 years old and the first (and last!) time his father saw him was when my son was 3 months old. Not before, not after. We weren’t together during my pregnancy as he left when I was 5 weeks.

He’s never been in touch since with me, I haven’t with him either admittedly - but I have always kept his entire family involved and they’ve kept their involvement too but he hasn’t whatsoever.

So in reality, my son has no idea who he is given he was only 3 months old.

More recently I’ve been thinking about asking his family if he would be interested in seeing my son again but I would have to have it on my terms etc.

Could I please ask people’s opinions? I have asked family but I’d prefer impartial opinions
Thanks x

I think it would be good to give the option. At least then if child asks when they are older you can say you did try. It may mean other family such as grandparents may want contact.

@june2007 everyone in his family including my son’s grandparents are involved. He’s the only one not to be x

I feel like if he was at all bothered about contact he would have done something by now. Tbh, I think you'd be setting things up for him to come back into your DS's life reluctantly for a few months and then disappear again, which isn't fair on your DS.

He must know how to contact you if he wants to see his DS given his entire family are involved! I'd leave it tbh.

@beautifulxdisasters fair point ☹️

I would leave it. He’s setting his son up for heartbreak by getting involved and then buggering off again. Especially at 3.5, they’re well aware of who people are at that age.

You’re not stopping anything, he is just a waste of space. I wouldn’t want my child exposed to that.

Leave it. He knows where you are

I agree with you all. Thanks everyone

I agree with the posters who have said this could be more confusing for your DS if he comes in to his life for a short time and then buggers off again. Do you know if his family share any information/updates with his Dad? If they don't, or if you don't know, you could offer to send the occasional e-mail to him. That way you know that you would have tried and can tell your son that and if his father wants to see him again then he can broach that with you and you could enter in to it cautiously and only after a period of time when he's proved that he won't be letting him down again.

With that said, it is his responsibility to initiate and maintain any kind of contact with his son. Its not down to you to have to try to get him involved and I doubt your son would grow up believing that you didn't do enough when you've done everything for him as a single parent.

Also, good for you for allowing his Dad's family to have a relationship with him. Again, that wasn't your responsibility but you've obviously put your son's best interests first.

I am your child in this situation, I had a wonderful relationship with my paternal family but absolutely no relationship with my father. He and my mum were never a couple and to this day I have never yearned for a relationship with him. I adore his parents and my uncles and cousins on his side and of course I hear news of him and people talk about him but it doesn't bother me in the slightest. I also have lots of family on my Mums side so despite being an only child I have only ever felt loved and part of a big family. I appreciate this doesn't answer your question but I thought it might help to have a first hand experience of a similar situation. Also, I have the best relationship with my Mum, she never held back information about my Dad but never forced me to see him or talk about him if I didn't want to. A big well done for keeping his family involved, it's definitely made it easier for me knowing I have their support even if my Dad isn't interested.

Thank you so much @allthesharks & @achangeisasgoodas

They are such lovely responses and I really appreciate them! & thank you for sharing your experience @achangeisasgoodas - I have always wondered about the future and hearing it first hand of someone who’s been in that exact situation makes me feel better so thanks again x