Potty Training is turning me into a horrible mum - should I just stop

[peggotty]

Dd is 2.8. Started potty training seriously yesterday based on small poo being done in her potty the day before. Yesterday absolutely nothing in potty and today so far a piss on the floor and I now she needs a poo now but is refusing to use potty. I have been so stupid because I've enrolled her in a playgroup where they require her to be potty trained and although they've said I can stay with her until she is, I could there for weeks couldn't I? Also I'm pg with baby due in jan, so if I don't do it now it will probably be months after that before she is potty trained. I think I'm doing it for selfish reasons - so I can get her into the playgroup and have a bit of time to myself before baby is born I feel like shit. I should just stop shouldn't I? Another complicating factor is my dh who thinks we should persevere but it's not him who has to deal with her crying for a nappy when she needs to poo. Ican't believe I'm getting so upset over it. I know there's a million potty training threads but please please, any advice?!

Oh dear, poor you. Potty training can be HORRIBLY stressful if you start off on the wrong foot, and I'm afraid that it sounds as though you have (I hope this doesn't sound harsh - I am only knowledgeable about this because I made the world's biggest f*ck-up with DS1's potty training).

On the positive side, you've only been going for one-and-a-bit days, and she would be truly exceptional to get the hang of it that quickly at this age.

My advice would be:

1. Try to chill. The world will not end if she isn't trained by Christmas. Remember that your anxiety will transmit to her and make the whole experience more difficult.
2. Maybe back off for a few days to recover your cool and let her relax a bit as well.
3. Try again in a week or so, but keep it light-hearted, lots of bribery with stickers or sweets or whatever floats your/her boat, and don't let her see you getting upset or anxious about any mistakes. If she wants to poo in her nappy, let her. Maybe empty the poo into the potty afterwards and then make a bit lunatic fuss about how clever she is, so that she gets lots of postive reinforcement.
4. If you're not getting anywhere after a week (I don't mean fully-trained, but indications that she is taking the idea on board), drop it and wait another month or so.

I do understand your need for some time to yourself and worries about the new baby taking up more of your time, but even if she doesn't train by the time the baby is born, you will cope. Good luck!

Just stop for now. There's no point upsetting yourself and you dd like this when if you try again in a couple of months it could all be done in a few days. Don't put the extra pressure on yourselves because of the baby being due, either. These things work out in the end anyway.

Thank you so much policywonk and juule for replying!!

My instinct has been telling me to stop but then about an hour ago she did a pee on the potty. She got loads of praise and some sweets and was really pleased with herself. Not sure what to do now. I have stayed in all day today with the specific aim of getting her to go on the potty or toilet. Maybe if she goes again today I should persevere for a few days more.

I have been trying to chill out a bit more about it, but I am probably one of the least chilled out people in existence.
Thanks again for replying.

My ds nursery said to me they aren't allowed to refuse taking a child if they are not potty trained so am wondering why yours does?
Mine is state one not private, maybe that makes a difference. But I would check that out if i were you. Seems a bit harsh to me.

Just try and relax like the others have said. My DDs were all trained before they were 2, DS1 took 6 months before i was confident to say he was trained - he was 2.8- and DS2 trained in 2 weeks so they are all very different.

Howdydoody it's just a local playgroup in a church hall although I have heard that even these sort of organisations aren't allowed to refuse children on the basis of them still being in nappies so... not sure about that!

She's just done another pee in her potty btw that's 2 today so I am on a pee-induced high! Fully expecting more accidents of course, but it's a start isn't it?

That's great!! She will get there and you'll wonder why you were so stressed about it - till the next time LOL

Thanks howdydoody!

My playgroup state that they take children up to 2.5 in nappies, however my DS is 2.9 and only just potty trained, surely they can have a bit of flexibility.

with regards to the potty training I would keep the potty around and give her lots of praise, but i would give it a week or so, if it's not hasppening then i am afraid you need to give it a break for a month or so.

My DS was 21 months when my DS2 was born, so i dodn't have a hope of doing it before the baby was born, I then thought 'oh i've got to do it before DS2 starts crawling otherwise he'll have his hands in the potty' that didn't happen either.
In the end I trained him over the summer and he's been dry for the last 2 weeks, and DS2 is 1 now and walking and we haven't had any hands in the wee or upturned potty's! It is possible, you will manage, so give yourself a break!