This is going to be very long and I'm sorry, I split with my children's father 4 years ago, this was a very messy break up and took around a year for us to be on good terms. Since then things have been great and we have actually become good friends.
I've always wanted this for my children and although it was a messy breakup he is a good man and it wasnt that we didnt care for each other, I think I grew up and he didnt, we had broken up but was trying to sort things and then he messaged me something that was meant for a girl at his work and then lied about it, long story short they got together after I left and they now live in the house we used to own and have a 3 year old. Again all of this became water under the bridge and I even had them at my house.
Skip to now he had come to collect the children and we was talking and he mentioned how he and this girl had split and was not in a good place I wished him well and truly hoped they could sort things.
Then it came to him dropping them off, we had a chat like normal and we had discussed how my sister had split from her husband 5 months ago and now they are getting back together and I expressed how strange this was because of how my sister said she felt (she had cheated) he then started saying how sometimes you can not see someone for a long time and then feel different when you do, and it progressed in to talking about us. I changed the subject, I ended up saying I better go as within a 20 minute chat he managed to bring up sex and things he missed about us multiple times not in a complete strange way but when I had spoken about him sorting things with this girl I was giving advise and he mentioned how when we would argue it would turn in to sex and I replied with which was the wrong thing and that's why it didnt work, he then said but it was good sex though, I said well yep better get in and do the kids dinner haha.
So then later that night he message saying he was going through his old hard drive and had found some videos of us from years back that he needs to delete, I replied yes I'm sure ..... wouldnt like that I know I wouldnt again I changed subject and then just brought the kids up to end it.
Now I'm writing this because I need to just let it out. I feel guilty, not that I have done anything wrong but and to be quite honest this was the women who knew he was in a relationship and still made a move and quite frankly didnt mind moving into the house i paid the mortgage on. However I feel bad no one should ever feel the way I had to feel and I know she would feel that way if she saw those messages. But then I have also questioned if they are together as the children said that she wasnt there this weekend.
And then another terrible thought I have had is would I give it another go? I know totally insane right? The things that are going through my mind I never thought I would think, but when i think about the time we was together and who we are as people now it's very different. I know my self worth now and I didnt then. We got together when i was 18 and he was 20 we had children fast and things went south after 6 years! I've know him for almost 11 years now and even he would say I know him better than he knows him self. Arghhh can someone just slaps me please? Thanks for reading If you made it this far you are a hero 😂😂