How to survive the first 12 weeks?

[Atticus500]

Apologies for posting so many questions recently (FTM and the pandemic has stuffed up normal support channels) I’m currently taking medication for PPD and have been having a difficult start to my journey as a parent. Everyone on here and elsewhere has reassured me that things get better after the first 12 weeks (8.5 weeks in) but I wondered if any experienced mums had any advice or tips for surviving this time? I can honestly say this has been the most exhausting and difficult time of my 38 years so far, so any ways to improve it would be appreciated!

I would say just go with the flow and don’t have any expectations of routines, sleep etc as it will just stress you out.
Rest when you can, don’t worry about keeping on top of housework and cooking fancy meals.
Try to get up, washed, dressed and out for some fresh air every day even if it’s just pushing the pram round the block. x

Better after the first 12 weeks? I hate to break it to you but please don't hold out for some magical change after 12 weeks.

Honestly though, just go with the flow.
Ditch the baby books.
Ditch anyone who judges or criticises.
Ditch anyone who doesn't bring you positivity.
And do whatever you need to survive.

Ditch social media... I found it hard seeing all my friends out and about having fun while I was struggling with a new born

Try and eat easy but healthy meals

Try and get out every day

Don’t talk to other parents about sleep-
Some lie, some have abnormal babies, some are crazy lucky

Have a shower every single day

Not got much advice really but just wanted to say you will get through it. I've never know exhaustion like those early weeks of pregnancy!! I promise though it does pass. Just rest up whenever you can, i did find getting fresh air helped.

You are adjusting to one of the (if not THE) biggest life events a person can experience. You have not done this before, it will be uncomfortable, exhausting, challenging and confronting. Please go gently with yourself. agree with lots posted here. Especially Mute social media, shower and go out for walks when/if you feel like it. Buy some nice ready meals so you can eat at convienant times for you and find a tv show, blog or book to read whilst feeding/holding (obvs mum baby time is lovely but you are a human that is allowed a bit of mental break - the physical can be tricky at this stage). Trust yourself.

I want to be honest. It didn't get better until 7 months for me. At the end of 7 months.

I had a fussy baby. Hated formula from day one. Once we started solids took some time but thank god she is eating.

Lower your expectations (if yourself, the baby, house cleanliness, sleep - everything) and survive in the knowledge that it WILL get better, incrementally.

Don't wait for a miracle at the magic 12 week mark. Things improve gradually and usually in hindsight.

Know that it's ok not to enjoy any of it. I certainly didn't.

You can and will get through this.

Try and give yourself little treats when you can (bath, chocolate etc) and accept offers of help in order to achieve this.

You don't ever have to do this again!

It very slowly gets better. I didnt notice it, it was more of a realisation one day that it wasnt as bad. Im a FTM to a 4 month old and from the limited amount ive learnt is that everything with babies is a phase and it passes. For example, day time naps are a real ballache at the moment for my son, but its not forever so I cant get too worked up about it.

As for coping in the early weeks; just expect to be tired and make life easy for yourself. Do you have a partner? Ask them to do favours for you.

Dont rely to much on guidelines. Guidelines are just that, they dont need to be rigourously stuck too. I remember getting so caught up that my baby was eating what it said on the side of the formula tin. I was much happier once I realised it wasnt a hard and fast rule.

Step away from google too, it isnt your friend.

I don't think it got better overnight - more of a gradual improvement and probably increased coping methods from me.

Things I found useful were getting out every day, daily shower/bath, getting back into exercising, catching up with sleep when possible, especially at the weekend and most importantly, cutting myself some slack.

I am on DC2 and like others, it is only with the benefit of hindsight that I realise everything with DC1 was a phase and it slowly got easier but no magic turning point
Even now, he dropped naps completely during lockdown at age 2 while I was 8.5 months pregnant, I was beside myself but now it's our routine and actually I'm relishing earlier / easier bedtimes and later mornings.

Its totally ok to not enjoy any of it, the first months really are an endurance test and as a FTM you are constantly worried about everything but you will find your groove and most days will be ok (there will still be hard / difficult days).

Also PPD, also hated hated hated the newborn stage. She is currently 22 weeks and fantastic. I'm not an experienced mum but here's what helps me:
*Medication
*Support from a PPD organisation. I just had weekly chats that were so incredibly understanding and supportive, it really helped.
*Googling 'when did you start enjoying your baby Mumsnet' for reassurance
*Check baby doesn't have reflux
*Make sure you and partner give each other 30 mins baby free time daily
*Don't pressure yourself to breastfeed if you hate it
*Try to get baby to sleep every 90mins really helped, used walk/pat/shush and let her nap on me
*Get out the house by daily, even if just to sit outside a coffee shop

Hang in there, it's tough but you can and will do this and everything will be better soon

“ Better after the first 12 weeks? I hate to break it to you but please don't hold out for some magical change after 12 weeks.”

I know you mean well but when I was struggling with my newborn and please said how hard it was with a 1 year old or whatever it just made me feel worse that there really wasn’t light at the end of the tunnel.

It’s true there wasn’t a magical change after 12 weeks but for me at 12 weeks things were starting to feel more manageable than at 8 weeks.

But mainly my advice would be to take one day at a time. I worried about all sorts of things like if I gave him a dummy to help now would I be making a rod for my back later. Well yes we did have to do some work to lose the dummy when he was 1 year plus but it was still worth it.

Do what you you need to to get through ((hugs))

As mentioned above I also found it helpful to have ‘plans’ and sometimes those plans were ‘walk round the park’ but it was still some kind of structure.

And if the baby is screaming its head off, going for a walk nearly always helps.

And get into Homes Under The Hammer if you haven’t already. It’s a shame Strictly isn’t on - I used to watch It Takes Two twice a day at that age (live and the next day). This was a plan with the full support of my community psychiatric nurse.

Honestly I thought things would never get bette but they did. I promise.

I was where you are. I remember my mum saying things would get easier at 12 weeks and I didn't have the faintest idea how I would even make it through to 12 weeks. BUT I went on to have three more children after that one. So as awful as it seems right now, just know that you would do it again.