Do you let your kid go hungry? How long for? (Picky eating)

[crazychemist]

I’ve seen several threads about picky eating recently, and wondered about those in the “just don’t give them an alternative, they’ll eat it if they’re hungry enough” camp.

How long would you keep this up for? Obviously you wouldn’t tell your kid this, but is the reality that if they didn’t eat their lunch, you’d make sure that dinner was something they would eat? Or is there a “snack” that they’d always be allowed e.g. you’d know you had bananas in the fruit bowl, and they could have that?

It sounds in theory like it would work - obviously starving people do eat all sorts of unpalatable things. But how far do people actually have to push their kids on this tactic before they cave?

If my dd refuses her evening meal then I’ll encourage her to eat it but not to the extent of turning it into a battle.
But no tea means no pudding!

I’ll offer something filling but boring later so she doesn’t go to bed hungry... weetabix or toast or a banana etc.

We tried to get our picky eater to eat school dinners when he started in Reception, thought he would bow to peer pressure etc. After the first month the teacher took us aside and told us he was eating nothing each day, just drinking water. He never said he was hungry when he got home, wouldn't ask for a snack, just wait to eat a (small) evening meal with the family. He just wasn't bothered about eating at all. He's now nine (and nearly as tall as me) and less fussy, but would still happily skip a meal rather than eat something he doesn't like.

I think the point behind it is that you should offer something that your child will eat alongside any new food/food they don’t necessarily eat.

You’re in control of what, when and where and the child can choose to eat or not eat.

So my son is a picky eater. Very few foods. 2.5years old.
He went through a phase of just eating chips for example - so I tried other potato products - waffles, smilies
On his plate would serve something I know he eats, and other food to expose him to it.

He would refuse pizza for example. But I have been offering this alongside his regular food and he now eats pizza. It’s taken 5 months.

He used to eat pasta and then refused this food. I have served pasta alongside fruit and cucumber which he eats and it’s taken 6 months for him to start eating this again and it’s plain.

There will always be another eating opportunity for children within 2-3 hours.

I’d make sure the next meal was something she usually eats, but nothing more than that. Certainly no snack before bed or before the next meal (unless I usually give a snack at that time).

I’m pretty confident my kids won’t starve themselves, though. I know thats not true for all kids.

And now he’s getting older and understands he has at least once a day an opportunity to help with food prep - his lunch, dinner or a snack and I’ve found this is helping him as he now tries to eat some of the food he is prepping!

You need to follow almost baby weaning rules and offer something they will eat with new / disliked foods. After that if they eat around what they dislike and demand chocolate etc then you can say no.

My parents tried this with me as I was a very picky eater. All I will say is that I don’t do it with my own children. It doesn’t work and I still remember it now 30 years on.

I always had a must try rule. So any new food dish they had to try it. If they didn’t like it, I’d always offer a back up meal of something nutritious that they did like. I’d never let them go hungry.
I was hungry often as a child and that’s not something I’d inflict on anyone on purpose.

Honestly... DS1 is quite fussy and has sometimes gone a couple of days without eating very much. Nothing terrible has happened.

I would keep offering opportunities to eat - meals every 4ish hours and snacks in between and a plain but safe choice before bed, because I don't like the idea of them going to bed hungry. I totally separate sweets from food - they are not snacks nor part of dinner. Things like cake, crisps, and so on are all acceptable parts of meals and/or snacks as part of a balanced diet, but I do also use a lot of "real food" as snacks - cut up veg, bread and butter/toast, cooked cold chicken etc.

I don't see it as making the child "cave" and eat but just splitting the responsibility (division of responsibility by Ellyn Satter)

I am responsible for when and what is served. It's my responsibility to provide regular and nutritious food (which doesn't mean everything has to be super healthy - chicken nuggets are protein, pizza is bread, cheese and tomato, it all has a purpose).

My child is responsible for whether and how much they eat.

If they didn’t eat their dinner then nothing else was offered until the next meal.
DDs are now 14 and 12 and will both eat most foods, however DD12 still has an aversion to vegetables and would rather go hungry than eat them.

In between meals, the fruit bowl is always available, but they both know that if they don’t eat whats on offer then they go without.

I wouldn't keep serving up refused food, I don't think that's fair. I offer a small amount and if it isn't eaten I just throw it away or keep it as leftovers. If it is eaten there is more.

But I might serve the same food (e.g. potatoes) on several different occasions, freshly cooked new potatoes, not the same old ones.

Thank you for all the different views on this, it’s really helpful.

I have to say, it’s not a strategy I’d try with my DD (who is a picky eater and doesn’t touch vegetables!). Due to a medical issue, she spent a time unable to eat solid food and became very underweight at that time, and since then, hunger doesn’t seem to motivate her! When she was at nursery, she would be there from 7.30-5.30, so wouldn’t have eaten before hand (although she would have had a cup of milk when she woke) and would often have nothing but water until she got home. The nursery staff were horrified!

On the advice of the dietician she saw following her surgery, we just always present her with options and don’t make a fuss about whether she eats something or not. We were told the important thing is that she gets some carbohydrate, protein, fat and fibre each day (she also has vitamin drops to avoid deficiency) and that it doesn’t matter if she always eats the same things as long as variety is always presented and good habits are modelled by the adults she sees.

(As a side note: the things she eats aren’t necessarily unhealthy, just very limited. She’d very happily live off bread, chicken, yoghurt and raisins)