It's all too much I need help

[MrsBooey]

I need help to understand if I am being unreasonable please.
My daughter is overweight. Not massively so but it's close to being a big problem. We have cut back at home and increased activity.
When she had a sleep over at my folks I repeatedly told them healthy foods please and they promised the would. We've had issues in the past where they buy wholesale sweets and give her a box as if that's normal. We're talking 3kg of sweets here.
Anyway they promised to respect my wishes.
Turns out they picked her up and took her to McDonald's, got her a BIRTHDAY CAKE to SNACK on over the weekend and 4 full sized galaxy chocolate bars. She then had another McDonald's and fish and chips as SNACKS the following day in addition to meals.

I am unhappy. I told my parents they are either stupid or have no respect for me as her mother.

They apologised and that was that I guess.

Now randomly my mum is crying over it saying I was moaning at her.

One I think the delayed crying is a bit daft and two surely I had a right to be angry?

I dunno, maybe all 8 year olds are fed this sort of thing by their grandparents?? I just feel a 12 portion birthday cake as a snack is excessive but they are trying to make me feel bad about it.

Would love to know your thoughts and also suggestions on how to manage this.

Thank you

Are your parents fat? Yes that’s too much found for her. Yes you moaned at them but yes you were also entitled to

@MrsBooey my parents looked after my nephew for 4 years while my sister was working and they fed him only healthy food. Now and then me and my siblings would give him biscuits and choco. Now and then and that was it.

• I would be angry if my parents did that. Next time send him with a packed lunch with the food he is supposed to eat.

They are encouraging your daughter to binge, as well as undermining you. What they gave her is no way normal. One junk dinner and a chocolate bar over a weekend maybe. The fact you have to ask if this is excessive suggests maybe you all have some problems around food.
Sorry I don't know what the answer is, other than to give your parents some facts regarding the out comes of a diet like the one they provided.

Wow thats a lot of food.

Did they give it to her because she moaned at them, and they gave in?

That is ridiculous to feed a child that amount of food, especially an overweight one who’s trying to lose weight! Don’t back down with your parents, I would even go so far as to say if they can’t respect your wishes and decisions they won’t be having her overnight again as can’t be trusted!

Bringmewine those were my actual words. If you can't respect my wishes you can't have her.

I've done the packed lunch thing and provided food in the past. They either bin it or give it back.

I've no doubt my 8 year old asked for junk but what child doesn't. I think as adults they could have said no.

They are overweight. I was an obese child and am as an adult. My fault as an adult but I do blame them for over feeding me as a child.

I understand it's too much food but the way mum was crying at me she's made me feel like I'm wrong. I really don't think I am.

I don't know how to make mum happy without backing down and by backing down im putting my daughter in a position of being over fed more

Wow. I’d be furious if my parents undermined me like that. Yes, it’s a grandparent’s place to give the occasional treat, but consistent with your parenting e.g if child is on restricted diet, the treat could be a small present instead of food, or a trip out (ok, not easy right now).

Don’t back down. If your parents won’t respect your rules, they can’t look after your child, it’s as simple as that.

Wow. My DD has put one right over lockdown, and we're cutting down on snacks & treats at home. I've winced at MIL encouraging her to raid the chocolate biscuit cupboard but not made a fuss, but your parents seem to have gone totally overboard. They save possibly think that is normal or healthy. You are absolutely right to have had words about it.

Your mum might be sad about the criticism but that's just tough, sometimes we need to hear things that aren't easy to hear.

You need to stop them looking after her. That is a huge amount of food and I am amazed that she wasn’t sick.

Grandparents do tend to give treats but that’s a bar of chocolate or a few biscuits not disgusting amounts of food like you have described.

My mum gives ds an illicit bag of crisps or an ice cream.....but honestly, I'd stop your parents seeing your child in those circumstances

That is an absolutely ridiculous amount of food for a child. It’s normal for grandparents to spoil a child but that would mean mcD AND an ice cream in the same weekend. You are totally justified in being angry that not only did they ignore your wishes but seemingly went out of their way to stuff her full of junk. If it is the first time and it wasn’t really clear that you were serious, OK. If it was clear that it was serious it’s also unfair to cry that you were angry about that. I’d be twice as angry for the crying!

I'm currently pregnant and this is my fear with our child and both sets of parents (grandparents to be). I was always the fattest child at school, as an adult lost the weight but ending up putting quite a bit back on. My MIL takes nieces to McDonald's every week when she has them and my nearly 2 year old godchildren go to my mum and straightaway say chocolate. I fear for our child being the bullied one at school like I was. I will be sending DC with a pack lunch when they go to grandparents hoping they respect our wishes. Do not feel bad about your mum crying, she is in the wrong.

You can't make your mum happy in this situation, nor should you try.

Your parents have behaved awfully, and I wouldn't let them look after your daughter until they prove they can abide by your wishes. Your mum needs to stop trying to emotionally blackmail you when she's in the wrong.

Thank you everyone. The tears had me doubting my reaction for a moment.

I have told my mum I am sorry she is upset but I stand by what I said and how I feel. I've also said I am upset to think I can't trust my parents with my child. It's not only that I was undermined but that they are being so reckless with her health.

Until they can get on the same page as me they won't be having the children without me being present.

Hopefully this will work and there will be a change in attitude towards my position as the mother (fingers crossed)