Help a new dad

[Ian87]

Afternoon everyone

Our son was born on Thursday morning and I left to come home around 6 hours later, unaware that because of covid I wouldn't be allowed back into the ward.

I've been able to pop in and drop things off, but currently mother and baby are still there.

As I sit here at home I'm trying to get everything sorted so that wife can have as much sleep as possible when she returns. I appreciate that without being able to breastfeed myself there's a limit to what I can do, so I ask you, what would you do in my shoes?

What jobs can I actually do aside from the usual cleaning/cooking I've always done. I want to do as much as I can to take the burden from my wife as the birth was slightly traumatic for her and owing to covid we can't have visits from family in the house (although I may have to ask my mother, a nurse, at some point in the future)

I know the newborn phase is tricky having read a few threads here but what can I do, as a husband, to help. Ladies, what do you wish your husband did?

Open to any and all suggestions!

Luckily I'm not back at work for another 10 days and even then I should hopefully be working from home in the other room so will be on hand (my job rarely requires things to be done instantly as it's alot of document writing). I can also amend my working hours as it's a 24 hour company so if I find working from say 11-7 better than 9-5 it's an option. Will need to be the office from time to time though although it's only 20 minutes away.

I'm feeling woefully out of my depth here and looking for any advice to smoothe the transition and crucially, take some strain off my wife

@Lweji

Don't wait for her to tell you to do things.

This is so important!

Congratulations! I've had my LO 5 weeks ago. Things that my DH did to help was getting a shop in of all my favourite foods and snacks. Snacks that can be easily eaten with one hand are the best. Granola bars are brilliant as they help you feel full until you manage to get a proper meal.
My DH also couldn't visit after leaving the hospital. That meant for 4 days it was just me and baby on our own. I felt like I'd gotten to know DD well over those few days and thought I knew what DD needed/how she liked to be held/what soothed her etc. When we got home I found it difficult to watch DH struggle with her fussing when I felt I could settle her much quicker. Luckily DH had discussed with me beforehand that he was aware that I had more insider knowledge due to all our time together in hospital and wouldn't be offended if I tell him what to do or if I felt he was doing something wrong. Be open to her suggestions and don't take it personally if she finds it difficult to hand baby over or doesn't jump at the idea of you taking baby out of room/house so she can rest. It may make her feel very anxious and have the opposite effect, it did for me anyway. Although that quickly passes and I'm now delighted when my DH takes baby for a couple of hours in the morning so I can get some uninterrupted sleep.
I echo what others say about the hormonal drop a few days after birth. It's horrendous. I was so weepy and felt just like the depression I previously had. Support her, listen to her, let her say whatever thoughts or feelings come into her head. I was so upset and was questioning if I had done the right thing, thinking I made a huge mistake having a baby, wondering if I loved the baby etc. My DH just listened and empathised, didn't make me feel silly for thinking those thoughts. I had made an appointment with the GP just in case it didnt pass but after a few days it did and I didn't need any further support. Be prepared to support her if she does need to go to the GP. She might feel guilt/shame etc. It is so helpful and reassuring knowing your DH supports you and isnt judging you. Read up on Post natal depression so you are armed with a bit of knowledge.