Obsession about love for child?

[Chocolateandraisins]

Sorry this may turn out to be too long...
I have a 3 year old girl who was very wanted. Becoming a mother was something I had looked forward to for a long time. There were no problems conceiving her and I had a very straightforward pregnancy. I however started to obsess about everything when pregnant, like the food that could harm the baby etc. Despite feeling stressed and anxious about stuff like that, I was still feeling elated about the prospect of meeting my little girl. Until the last few weeks of pregnancy... I started to worry I would become postnatally depressed and reject my baby. This turned into a nightmare and I became very depressed. When my baby girl arrived I was too numb and low. I muddled through and did everything I was supposed to, but continuously worrying about whether I loved her enough. I've had a lot of help over the years, tried antidepressants and therapy which have helped me understand that it's not that I don't love her, it's that I obsess so much over it that I drive myself mad and can't feel anything. Although I generally accept this, there are times I feel devastated at the thought of how much I've missed because of this obsession. I have spent so much time and still do at times, consumed with the worry, instead of enjoying having my little girl.. I don't know what I'm looking for here, perhaps wondering if there is anyone out there who has had a similar experience..

I think its probably worth talking this through with a therapist if you can get your GP to refer you, or even pay privately. It sounds like you have some obsessive traits, maybe without the compulsion bit of OCD (google Pure O)
Do you have autism in your family at all?

I have a therapist and you're absolutely right, I do have obsessional traits. I'm just surprised about how stubborn this obsession is and about how much it has ruined for me

Hello,
I had something similar linked to my PND- and it’s the part of pnd that I struggle with, even though the rest of it’s gone. Even though I rationally know how much I now love my little boy, I tie myself in knots worrying that it’s not enough and that other people feel differently.
I think undefoturnately it’s all part of PND and anxiety, and it will fade as time goes on.
Are you still having treatment for depression? Is there anyone you can talk to? Xx

I completely understand and feel the same sometimes. I remember crying hysterically to my DH when DS was a few weeks old because I felt like I didn't love him enough. I was diagnosed with PND and that is definitely part of it. I know deep down that I love my son more than anything but I do still have wobbles where I doubt that I love him enough. I also feel like because I spent so much time worrying about how much I loved him, I missed out on making the most of him when he was tiny. He's now nearly 17 months and as time has gone on, it has got a bit better - counselling did help me to some extent. No advice here I'm afraid but just wanted to let you know that you're not along in feeling this.