Advice from extended Breastfeeders on stopping

[getoffnow]

I've accidentally found myself still breastfeeding my 3.5 year old. Feeding has increased massively during lockdown and while I didn't mind initially and could recognise the need for comfort in hard times, I'm really getting ready for him to stop now.

Any advice?

He won't be bribed, breast milk is his favourite thing by far. He won't be tricked into it not working anymore and want to 'just try ' , he doesn't care that his friends don't do it anymore because they're 'big boys' ... I'm stuck

And if you're self weaned, how old were they?

Realised that you hadnt had a response so will drop my advice in. My oldest fed until she was 2.5. She weaned as i was pregnant and my milk changed. You may or may not want another baby to remedy the situation i have heard of others distracting when they want to feed, although at 3.5 you will be able to have greater discussions about feeding in order to reduce and wean off. There is a book called nursies when the sun shines which may help. What are the triggers for feeding?

Oh, he sounds adorable (especially 'just try'!)!

My DS self-weaned at about that age after several months of 'never offer, never refuse'. Well I say that, but I did refuse - at 16 months to cut out night feeds, then at 2.6 we cut out bedtime feeds because I was leaving DH and needed him to be able to settle for daddy on his 2 nights per week with him.

Seems to me that part of DS's self-weaning was due to spending more time away from me, i.e. with his father or at nursery/the childminder, whereas you are spending more time together. Presumably he doesn't go to a childcare setting away from you? Is that likely to change any time soon?

(Sorry, I've been no help whatsoever, apart from bumping the thread for you!)

“Don’t offer, don’t refuse” didn’t work for me because DS kept asking! In the end I just started saying there’s none left and distracting him with a toy or something. There was quite a bit of crying. First I said no at night, then during the day, and the feeds at wake-up and sleep time were the last to go. I would let him hold my boobs for comfort but not feed from them. He kept asking for a few weeks but then forgot about it, although he still likes to hold them when he’s tired.

Thank you so much for the replies - I'm really grateful (and for the kindness in them all)

To answer some questions ..

He does got to childcare 2x week and does 8 hours no problems. He's also fine if he's left with dad or grandma for 10 hour days but the second he sees me, he wants it. He sees me a whole lot more now as I'm working from home.

His first trigger is love he will look at me and I can see he's thinking "ah mummy is lovely" but that makes him want to be on my boob rather than just a cuddle (have tried to offer cuddles or skin contact to no avail) He still feeds to sleep which doesn't bother me.

I never offer, sometimes refuse, often try to distract

I almost wish I wanted another baby as I had heard they frequently self wean when milk taste changes

Boredom is a problem - pre lockdown we went out every day and now we don't

My dc that went on the longest stopped at just before 4. For a while after that he would basically stick a hand down my top at bedtime to fall asleep! If you're around more than usual in lockdown it will have increased, going back to nursery or work should bring things down again.

My youngest stopped at around 3 1/2. I had an injury and had to take some strong painkillers. I told her that I wouldn't be able to BF her for a week, while I was taking the pills. I made sure I was still very available for storybooks and cuddles though, so that although she wasn't getting milk anymore she was still getting just as much attention and affection. She had stopped asking for milk before the end of the week!

In the leaad up to this happening I had started to put more limits on when and where I was willing to BF her. E.g, only at home, not while I am busy etc. At 3 1/2 most children can understand these types of restriction and explanation, I think.

Self weaned at just turned 5. It was less than daily from 3 though, about weekly when he finally weaned.

From 18 months I didn't offer and refused when not convenient.

I had to wean DS at 2.5 because I was going back to work full time from part time.
Now at 4.5 he still pulls at the neckline of my top so he can put his cheek against my chest for comfort! He’s starting Reception in september i’m Hoping he grows out of it soon.

Following because I could see myself in this position so I’m no use to you, sorry OP. I thought my son would self wean when I was pregnant but he didn’t, so I’m accidentally tandem feeding. I don’t mind, and it’s worked really well though the combination of lockdown and me feeding a newborn means he is feeding much more than I expected. but I’m not sure I’m up for feeding two toddlers so I’m hoping he will wind down over the next year (he is 2yo).

I found distraction was key! But much trickier in lockdown.
Keep him busy and arrange for him to stay with grandparents more straight after nursery days so you get a few days to really establish stopping.

And ultimately if you want to stop you have to say no and he will get upset. But you're still there with him. BF is a 2 way street and if you're not happy then you can say no and stop.