all joking aside, how do you cope with those stressful child related incidents?

[mckenzie]

I'm being serious now as I've realised that i have really got to do somehting about my stress levels on tuesdays and fridays.

Tuesdays, DS (age 6) has a council run swimming lesson at the local sports centre. It is heaving (and I really do mean heaving) with children and parents. The communal showers are really hard for the children to work, the spectator area is always really hot, DD (age 2) is usually cranky as it's just that time of the late afternoon/early evening etc etc.

And on fridays DS has another swimming lesson at a club which is a much nicer place but I have to feed DD while DS is swimming, then get DS something to eat straight afterwards and then run like hell to make it to Beavers on time.

DS wants to do these things and I really want him to do them and the problem is mine. I just get too stressed out to easily and i need to get it under control. But how??

TIA for any tips.

I've just re-read my message (I should have previewed it ) and it seems like I'm being pathetic. (even more )

It's not pathetic. Children are stressful, and some of us feel that strss more than others. other people appear totally calm, but even they could be feeling stress!

As for coping with the stress, preparation is important. For instance take stuff for your dd to keep her occupied whilst your ds is swimming.

I always do that belgo (and thanks for posting btw). I take books, colouring etc. It's once the swimming lesson is over and we have to brave the crowded changing rooms, showers etc. DS is the slowest ever at drying and dressing himself so i always end up helping him and while I'm doing that DD is escaping and laughing her socks off.
However, last week my DM came and sat with DD while I sorted DS out and even then i was still stressed. How rubbish am I huh?

You don't live in Surrey do you, Mckenzie? Your Council swimming lesson sounds so exactly like my weekly swimming lesson experience. Easily the most stressful hour or so of my week.

After a year of working on it, my top three survival strategies are: 1. remember to wear minimal clothing yourself so you don't get too hot and bothered (vest top and bare feet), 2. take change of clothes for younger sibling so you don't have to physically prevent them from walking under the s**ding showers - they are, after all, hot and cranky as well and would probably have liked to go swimming 3. All three of you should eat chocolate on the way home so the kids aren't too desperate for tea and you can put your feet up for five minutes

And strive for some sort of mystical out-of-body experience as you fight through the crowds. Rise above it. It's hell, but it'll be over soon.

As far as Fridays are concerned, is there any way you can rearrange things so you don't have swimming, tea and beavers all in a row. That does sound stressful!

Hi There

I understand the meltdown and stress levels and I am lucky that my two are just a toddler and baby.

Could you not just take DD swimming too and then shower and change at the same times as DS.

I would also add that two swimming lessons a week might be too much. I was hoping to just keep it to one activity a night so to speak. It might be a good idea to give DS the option of Beavers or Swimming. I am sure that he will not miss it once he gets used to it and sometimes a stressed out mum means stressed out children.

I know how u feel, its hard to do but priortize and organize. I dont shower mine after swimming but straight home and have a bath as 1stly it heaving 2ndly my fully dressed toddler would prob try and get in the showers and I would be even more stressed. Being organised by taking snacks, drinks, book or toy to amuse dd (basically everything but kitchen sink. I know its all easy said than done. Good luck

thanks for the replies. I'm not in Surrey Smithagain but i can appreciate that it must happen everywhere.

On the tuesday session the entire two pools are taken over for council swimming so i don't have the option of taking DD in at the same time. I used to do that on a friday and it worked well but now that beavers has started there isn't time. DS has the quickest shower and then we've off to the restaurant.
At the moment I don't want to stop either of the swimming sessions really as they are both quite different (one in a shallow pool for example and the other in a pool where DS can't touch the bottom). If I stop the council one we'd go to the bottom of the list and if we ever wanted to re-start could end up waiting 2 years.

I think i shall take your advice though re tuesdays from now on and miss the shower part and wait until bedtime at home.

The friday scenario shouldn't really be that bad if only I didn't stress. So what if we are 5 mins late for Beavers sometimes, it's not the end of the world is it? It just goes against the grain for me to be late for anything.

I was hoping someone might perhaps know of a relexology point that i could massage to release some sort of calming hormone? Or a trigger point behind the ear would be even more convenient

Swimming and Beavers after a full week at school? Maybe you and ds are over-committed. My dd1 (aged 5.5) gets one riding lesson at the weekend and one playdate per week.

I think you should for a start.

Bin the shower for a start! definitely.

take a sandwich or snack for your ds so you can miss the restaurant bit and as you said it really doesnt matter if he is 5 mins late for Beavers

Why do you get stressed? I mean, what is going through your mind at the time?

Of course the thing is to not stress about it, but how stupid is it to say to someone "Well, just don^t get stressed!" but it truly is that....changing your attitude.

If you could identify those thoughts, or triggers, or feelings, that come at the beginning - while you are still calm - and think through instead of letting yourself be swept away with your feelings...

And what can you do to manage your time better? Pack something in advance to give ds while you are going to beevers, instead of looking for something for him after the swimming will save time. You don't HAVE to go to the restaurant.

Telling yourself that it is ok to be up to 5 minutes late for Beevers - they are still getting settled!!

Consider moving swimming lesson times so they don't conflict - you may have to go on a waiting list, or see if someone else wants to swop.

Get a little battery operated fan for when you are in the spectator area.

When you feel yourself getting wound up, stop. Take some deep breaths in through your nose to the count of 6, out through the mouth for the same. Focus totally on the act of breathing and repeat (in your head) a word - calm, relax, breathe, peace..whatever works for you!

Also - deal with things individually, rather than seeing everything, so when you are feeding dd, that is all you are doing, don't link it to the other things that are next, iyswim.

mckenzie - have no advice but just wanted to say that you don't sound pathetic at all!!

u could try some rescue remedy

thanks again for the replies, I really appreciate it.

I know doing these two things on a friday night is not ideal but DS has trouble with his gross motor skills so swimming is very important for him. Beavers is for him to then chill out and just have good fun (he only started two weeks ago but seems to be loving it. Lots of tearing around and making lots of noise. Perfect for a 6 year old boy )

The restaurant was perhaps the wrong word to use. The friday swimming is at the David Lloyd so we literally walk out of the changing rooms into the lounge area and get a table. That part is the easy part. It's the watching over DD who will have taken herself off to the play area (she eats earlier as it takes her so much longer) while DS eats. DS is a star and just sits and tucks in (it's a buffet on a friday so it's his chance to have chips and sausages etc so there is no worries about him not finishing or running off )

Anyway, I shall take on board all of your tips and remember to take a deep breath before it all begins this week. I'll also try and remember to question myself about what it is I'm stressed over when I feel myself getting into that state.
And I've just dug out some rescue remedy ready. It looks like I might have bought it in 1980 but I'll give it a go

Thanks again everyone.

Okay, so I got this far and then previewed it and when i read it back to myself, about how good DS is eating while DD goes running off, it makes me wonder what it is I'm getting stressed about! From what i've just written I would have no problem leaving DS to eat and being with DD in the play area. Heck, what am I like??