Newborn FTM seeking some support

[rhubarbandcusted]

Hi all, I am just looking for some support from someone who understands. I am a first time mum, my baby was born near to the start of lockdown so I had no antenatal classes nor have I had any visits from the health visitor post birth. I didn’t grow up with any younger children and I didn’t have any help other than my husband for the first 6 weeks of baby’s life (due to the lockdown rules). I’ve had help from my mum for the last 4 weeks. My little boy has been so unsettled and has a suspected CMP allergy, he seems to constantly be in pain. Add to this that he won’t settle at all on his own and has to be rocked from a standing position for a while to get him to sleep. He seems to be grizzly for quite a lot of the day, screaming during and after bottles. He’s gone through spurts of refusing to take a bottle. I can’t seem to get anywhere with the NHS, I’ve asked my GP for a referral to hospital but I really feel as though no one wants to help. I probably have PND, I suffer with anxiety anyway and see a therapist regularly. I’m really starting to feel like I can’t take anymore 😔 all of the ‘it gets better’ comments are fading away, it seems to be getting worse not better. I don’t know who to turn to or what to do anymore.

Hi OP
That sounds really tough. If he’s CMP then is he on prescribed milk?

It is really tough, my DS2 was similar during and after feeds and it was silent reflux. It took several trips to the GP but it did get loads better.
I’m guessing DS is 12 weeks or so? It honestly does start getting easier soon.

I would go back to your GP and ask them to see DS again and you. If you are already getting therapy have you considered medication?

I just want to give you a hug as I had an awful time with both of mine when they were young and it seems never ending but it really does get better.
I would recommend getting as much sleep as you can, can your mum have him so he naps?

If you feel you're getting nowhere with the GP, record on your phone your baby's concerning behaviour and take him to A and E. I might get flamed for suggesting this, but sometimes you just have to do whatever you need to get results.

Go prepared for a long wait (take enough feeds for baby, nappies and snacks for you). You will be seen by a paediatrician and in my experience you will not be made to feel bad for presenting there.

You need to get this sorted or at least do everything in your power. Get back in touch with your GP or HV and say you think you have PND. If they don't offer, ask to be referred to the perinatal mental health service. Tell them what you told us - that you can't take it anymore. They will take you seriously.

I went through similar and it's very hard, but I did get excellent support and it made all the difference.

FTM here, DD born beginning of March but due to NICU stay was only taken home a few days before lockdown. No family help as we live two hours away.

I hated the newborn stage. It sucked. My DD was like yours and had to sleep on one of us, if you tried to move her she would instantly wake up and bawl, which would throw off her sleep meaning she got overtired and much harder to get to sleep.

Essentially nothing helped other than time. As she grew older she began to self-settle and now I can put her down in her Sleepyhead drowsy with some white noise and she will drift off to sleep after a few minutes. She also takes 8oz bottles, so she feeds fewer times in a day and can reliably sleep at night with one wake up.

The only other thing that had an impact was that my DH will get up with her when she wakes in the morning, which gives me a couple of extra hours to sleep to make up for night feeding/settling.

As for the distress for your LO... Luckily my DD hasn't suffered with reflux/allergies so I can't speak from experience in that respect. Try to speak with your GP/HV, as mine were helpful for any issues I had. In particular, my GP was receptive to me when I was talking about my emotional wellbeing as I was struggling, and was quick to offer help (which I ultimately declined as I knew mine was brought on my lockdown/missing family).

I just want to let you know that my baby is pretty much the same age as yours and there have been times I’ve found it really tough (like absolute hysterical tears tough), too. There is always something to worry myself sick about, and my mood seems to be low every single day even though I know I love my daughter and I have a great partner too. I am a bit lonely but have seen my mum and sister over the last few weeks so that’s no excuse really. I guess I’m just trying to say you’re not alone in finding it all a bit overwhelming. socially distanced hug!

This sounds so similar to my baby in his first 4 months. Always miserable, HV suggested colic, then cows milk allergy, then possibly early teething - none of those theories proved correct. I used to put my DS in the baby carrier and walk round the park from 5-7pm everyday just to stop him crying.
You definitely could trial a milk alternative. I also favoured Dentinox Infant Colic Drops, much better than infacol.
The sleep deprivation and constant screaming is going to make you feel awful. if you can and if you bottle feed getting your partner to take a night while you sleep in the other room will help you feel a little better, but its really tough. It will get better i promise, but right now I know it feels awful and like it will never end.
You know your baby best, so push for a refferal if you need one.

Hello everyone, thank you for your very kind words of support. My LO started Nutramigen for CMPA 2 weeks ago, his reflux symptoms seem to have settled but he is still suffering a lot with wind. He screams mid bottle most of the time, winds and refuses to take the remainder of the bottle. I have tried infacol, colief and gripe water with no joy. I feel I’ve become an expert in winding and wind him every which way (including massage and bicycle) but nothing seems to help. He gained weight very well for a few weeks, I bought scales myself and have been weighing him regularly as no weigh in clinics in my area. He is still gaining weight but has dropped a centile in terms of the speed of his weight gain. I asked my GP to refer me to paediatrics on Monday and have just received word that she has refused to refer on account of his weight gain.

Not keen on tablets for depression/anxiety, it is something that has plagued me on and off for years. I had a bad experience with perinatal mental health during my pregnancy, the mental health midwife told me my symptoms were not significant enough to warrant referral for treatment but psychiatrist assessed me as having moderate to severe depression and severe anxiety a few weeks later.

Has anyone else struggled with referrals to paediatrics? Any suggestions on the screaming mid feed? I've done the usual bottle/teat change too. I can't thank you all enough for your support, it's exactly what I needed x

There is a great Facebook page for babies with cmpa. Ask on there about symptoms and milk.

For many children you will need to wait a few years before they can self settle to sleep. Slings are great, especially for babies with reflux.

The newborn stage is the most difficult for many mums and an allergy makes it much worse.