When fiancé and I got together, we weren't really 'kid people'. But after 8 years together, we decided that we did want one. It took a long time to conceive dd, and then I had a very awful pregnancy (high risk, couldn't work), traumatic birth and horrific recovery (10 months + 1 corrective surgery). Looking back I had pnd and pna, but sought help too late. I suffered mentally from the awful recovery and birth. I couldn't talk about it without feeling physically sick and crying until after 6 months. It was hard. I'm still in physio too.
When she was born I was done at one. But a few months in, it began to niggle that I wanted another. Now 15 months down the track, I definitely do want another. Regardless of the crap pregnancy, traumatic birth and recovery, I want a second. My ovaries are screaming, and while it would be a push financially, I feel like we could make it work.
However, fiancé does not. Well, he keeps saying "I'm not saying no, but I don't think it's for us". His concerns are genuine; he is worried for my mental health, he is worried I'll be spread too thin with two, that I would most likely have to go back to work a lot sooner (I'm a sahm now til she is in school), I would miss out on hobbies (I ride, and would have to sell my horse), and the big one is support. While we have lots of family around, we do not have help. She has never spent more than 2 hours away from me, and that was purely because I had surgery.
Our beautiful daughter has no cousins, and never will. We have family that are physically restricted in what they can do, even though they want to help. I think if she had cousins I wouldn't feel as strongly about having a second.
My partner did not have an enjoyable childhood with his sibling, where I did. Sure, we fought, but man did we have a ripper relationship and were so close. Still are. Even though she has 0 interest in being around my daughter.
He isn't giving me a clear answer, but when I push for one it's heading to a no. If he is certain he doesn't want another, I will accept it, and throw myself into studies. But it's the up in the air business that's got me suffering.
I guess what I want to ask is, how do you accept only having one? I never imagined I would want 2, but here I am. But at the same time I am ready to accept one and done, if he just gives me an answer. How do I move past this feeling? I just want to know where we are heading. And if he is done, how do I accept only having one? I am so, so grateful for our daughter, she is my absolute world and I LOVE being her mum way more than I ever imagined (prekid me said I would be back at work 6 weeks pp and dad could stay home haha!). I am grieving each milestone knowing it's most likely the last first everything.
I am not going to pressure him into more. I would never do that. But if he is done, which I respect (if he ever gives me a straight answer), how do I stop that pull for a second?