Really naughty 4 year old

[pollylocketpickedapocket]

I'm at the end of my rope with my little girl.
She is a beautiful, clever little girl who can be really sweet but she can be bloody awful too.
Nursery tell me she is the best behaved child they have but at home she hits me, demands things(and screams at the top of her voice when denied them).
I have to give her a drink in a cup with a lid otherwise I risk it just getting thrown when she has finished, made the mistake of a cup this morning and it was just flung on the bedroom floor.
It's just me and her, no dad involved or siblings.
I'm so upset that and just don't know how to deal with her, at the moment I feel it takes all my effort to be pleasant to her. I don't know what to do

What consequences do you have in place for bad behaviour

I take her toys away but she doesn't seem to care,
To be honest that's it, she has always been well behaved this is relatively new behaviour.
She can and always has been a bit of a pain if tired or bored but there's a reason behind that and I can manage it.
She also runs off when out and about , I need to hold her hand near traffic where others don't with same aged children and she seems to resent that but I can't trust her not to run in the road.
That's an example, she likes to do whatever I tell her not to.

My 4 year old has been very similar although he seems to be getting slightly better as his fifth birthday approaches this weekend. For what it's worth I was told you need to make the consequence fit the behaviour. So if he throws a drink, or for him it's usually food, he has to clean it up. We only take away toys if he's used them to do something like hit his sister. We also name his emotion and he has to think of an alternative way to deal with it, e.g. Angry dance or taking himself to another room to calm down. Sometimes that works, sometimes we discuss it afterwards if I can't get through to him in his heat of the moment.
But, yes, also sending hugs of sympathy, his anger and the things he says to me are horrible to experience.

Oh, and we still use a cup with a lid at bedtime, partly as his tantrums are often worse just before bed. You're not alone.

You could be describing Dd! I feel like having a quadruple gin after the morning we’ve had. She’s an angel at nursery, and then an absolute horror the rest of the time.

When I’m not banging my head off a wall due to her behaviour, I do try to remember that she acts like this with me at home because it’s her safe space. So she uses all her good up at nursery, and then comes home and let’s rip.

I do have a jar that I fill with pasta pieces for every good thing she does (putting shoes on without screaming, holding my hand nicely to cross the road, having hair brushed etc etc) and when it’s full she can choose a small toy. If she’s naughty I take a piece out. It’s a good visual tool for her to SEE consequences.

I hope it passes soon though because my word, it’s exhausting.

As a childcarer of 40 years experience. I always think the six months before a child starts school are the most testing, of all the preschool years.
It is almost as if they are bored of preschool. The are the eldest there and top dogs.
At home they are not so they push every boundary.
Once the start school, they seem to calm down and become their usual selves.

As crap as it is you wouldn't want the behaviour the other way round, terrible at nursery but the perfect angel at home. Every cloud and all that..

It's time to put some boundaries in place to
Make your child realise thrown cups and tantrums are not to take charge or hold of you or the house. Get her to pick up the cup..
Time out.
It gives her time to claim down and you space. No audience and widely used for this age group, usually 4 mins.
Be firm.
Kids go through all sorts but limit what crap you have to take on if a child threw a cup they would be in time out and dangerous behaviour near roads is exactly that.
Ask her teachers for some reinforcement, ideas.
I will not tolerate throwing or yelling that's high level stress in my house
I suggest a sticker chart, reward system, what one thing can we do together before bedtime is currently working for me.
Every cloud needs to be surrounded by no flying cups! Good luck.

Think I'm going to get a reward chart! Good suggestion

What form of discipline do they use in class? Perhaps if you do the same thing it will be good for continuity? I’m imagining time outs? Even if she doesn’t do them she will see other children doing their timeouts (or whatever)

The reward chart (Perhaps with different stickers for good or very good behaviour) and jars of things that add up to a toy sound great

So does the actions have consequences so you’re cleaning up kiddo messages.

Good luck.

Reward chart seems to be good.
You can also take a look on 123 magic.
But the main and most important thing is to stay consistent.

Mine is the same OP! I call him a terrorist as he literally terrorises all of us with his behaviour. I can’t even give many consequences as our neighbours have inferred they think we are abusing him somehow due to the screaming and tantrums they hear. I’m just praying he grows out of it before he severely hurts one of us.

And he too is an absolute angel at preschool.