How to get 3yo to stay in bed all night?

[YouAreMySunshine19]

I know I've caused this issue myself by letting her sleep in bed with me every night. I lay with her in her bed while she goes to sleep and then she comes in to me any time from 10pm.

I tried about 9 months ago to get her to stay in her bed but she just won't and I was exhausted not getting sleep and having to work full time. I took the path of lease resistance and now I'm in Thor situation.

The main reason for wanting to move her is to toilet train her overnight as I don't want accidents in my bed.

Also long term it's not practical but I currently live on my own.

Any help please?

The only thing I’ve seen work is keep returning her to her room. Explain before bed that she’s to spend all night in her room and when you return her don’t saying anything. You will have a few nights of hell but you have to be strong.

I found that you almost have to put aside 3-4 days knowing you might not get much sleep and keep putting her back each time. I used to give my DD a cuddle but say she has to go back to sleep in her bed.
. Although in your situation I’d work on her falling asleep by herself at bedtime first as if she’s used to having you there when she falls asleep then she’s going to really struggle to fall back to sleep by herself when she wakes at night.

The issue is that she's learned to only fall asleep if you're there. So when she wakes up in the night she has to come and find you.

You need to stop lying with her at bedtime, get her to fall asleep by herself. Do the same technique when she wakes up in the night.

You could take her to the shops to pick out a cuddly toy or comforter to fall asleep with instead. Even if she’s already got one, the novelty of being able to choose one for herself might help.
You could also or alternatively give her a piece of your clothing to sleep with in bed, such as a soft cardigan or hoody.
You might have to do it in stages. Try sitting on the floor or sitting in a chair in the room. Be close to the bed to physically reassure them of your presence and so that you can easily put her back in bed without exhausting yourself. But do not getinthe bed or allow her to be out of the bed. Only tell her once that you are going to sit right there and that she has to stay in bed. Do not do any more talking—just wait her out. Do not go to sleep on the floor next to the bed or get into the bed, no matter how tempting it may be!
The first week is the hardest. But, if done consistently, it shouldn't take more than two to three weeks.

We started using a baby gate affixed to just outside her room door and explained to her when it went up that this was because we need to stay in our own rooms at night. There were tears the first few nights as she stood at the gate shouting for me but then eventually when we explained that the gate will be unlocked when she learns to stay in bed at night she did stop waking up and now the gate is still there (she’s 3.5) but it stays unlocked/open and she can get out to use the toilet if she needs to or come to us in the morning (crack of dawn of course! But it’s an improvement!) Not sure if this will help you as it does depend on the stage of toilet training but when the gate was locked she was still in pull ups at night.

I use a grow clock for mine. Worked a treat.

I would do some ground work first - reward chart, magic sleeping dust, new comforter - and say that now she is zzz years old she is a big girl so needs to stay in her own bed. Then do some work on going to sleep by her self - sit at the end of the bed, sit in a chair in the bedroom, hang around outside the room doing jobs, pop downstairs and then back up stairs, we did a thing were I tried to return before they got out of bed and praised them for staying in bed, etc. For waking in the night you have to have some dedicated time where you know you are going be sleep deprived, The easy advice is to keep returning her to bed but that is exhausting so you have to be in the right position to do it. You could look at a camp bed in either your or her room as a half way house.

I used to fantasize about velcro sheets and PJs...
On a more realistic note, there are some good suggestions above.

You know you cant train overnight dryness? Its regulated by a hormone, and if she hasn't started making enough hormone, she isnt capable of night dryness.

You need to be prepared
To be exhausted for a few days and once you start returning her returning her to bed don't cave in!

Massively unpopular on Mumsnet but when my older daughter got to three we told her she could have a sweet every morning that she'd spent the whole night in her own bed. We got a variety of sweets in a bag, called it her 'special secret surprise bag' and when she woke up in the night reminded her that if she came in with us then she wouldn't get her special secret surprise. She's 6 now and still loves her special secret surprise bag.

Just to add you can’t toilet train overnight; it’s to do with a hormone being released and some children might be dry in the day for months/even a year before they’re dry at night. Once they’ve had a week of dry nights though it’s pretty safe to take the nappy off.

Thank you! I didn't realise that about the hormones. She is still relatively wet overnight but only been try in days since Christmas. She is only just turning 3.

I think i will start with sitting on chair in her room at night and see if we can progress with that before trying the whole night.