We have 2 DS, age 4.5 years and 9 months. We’ve always loosely considered a third and owing to my age (40, am 41 in November) we didn’t have the luxury of having a large gap between second and third if we went for a third.
We tried this month for the first time and totally didn’t expect it to work. Was quite ambivalent about even trying and nearly didn’t. I’ve just found out I’m pregnant.
Shocked and depressed, as awful as that sounds. I’m worried I’m going to destroy the perfect family that we have - two healthy boys who adore each other. My baby is so tiny still and will be 18 months when this baby arrives. Still a baby. I’ll be 41 years old with a 5 year old, 18 month old and newborn - the small gap terrifies me.
All I can think about is how I’m going to ruin the lives of my 2 boys, they’ll get so little of me as I’ll be stretched, my eldest won’t get the support I want to give him as he starts school, and I feel like my baby will have to grow up too soon and be pushed aside, and no-one will benefit.
My DH is very supportive and on board with the idea and says it’ll be lots of fun albeit chaos, but he’s from a family of 4 whereas I’m an only child and somewhat of an introvert that needs my space and quiet time every now and then.
The idea though of having an abortion fills me with panic as knowing me, I’ll regret it and be filled with what ifs for years to come especially as the children get older.
Right now, despite knowing how precious life is, i find myself hoping nature will take its course and I’ll miscarry. Having had 2 mc, I know how hideous they are and I feel so ashamed for even thinking it.
Please please help. Am feeling so trapped, and so low.
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