Feeling overwhelmed

[Willow4987]

Hi!

I’ve got DS1 who’s almost 2 and then DS2 whose almost 5 months old. There’s 18months between them

I’m starting to feel really overwhelmed by them both

Separately they’re great. DS2 is a very relaxed and happy baby, eats on schedule, naps in his travel cot downstairs or his chair, sleeps for good chunks of the night and I now I’m blessed that he’s so easy

DS1 has always been such a sweet boy but is also stubborn, full of beans and needs constant attention. He’s a brilliant sleeper so I’ve got no complaints there

I just feel overwhelmed, exhausted and struggling to find the motivation to actually do anything with them

I constantly feel pulled in 2 different directions and like I’m not giving enough of myself to either child. DS2 doesn’t get enough stimulation as DS1 just takes up so much time but constantly finding things to do for DS1 is so tiring all of the time that I sometimes (or a lot of the time) let him just play with his toys which results in all of them coming out, played with for 2 secs with him constantly wanting me to play which consists of me basically doing it for him. I find myself just zoning out

They were both very much wanted and I want to be a stay at home mum but sometimes I feel like I’m not good enough to be. Surely if this is my job then I should be giving it my all everyday like I would at work. I should be having structure to everyday and have meaningful play for both of them

At the moment a typical day revolves around who’s being fed or going for a nap and when, with some structured play thrown in if I’ve got time to set it up or remember before we’re into the next feed for either of them.

I just feel like I’m letting them both down and being lazy all the time

I’m sorry that turned out a lot longer than I thought

I guess there’s no point to it. I just needed to vent

Is this normal for you or have you found there is a less to do now the groups and softplay have stopped?

There’s 16 months between my two and I remember that point where youngest was around 6 months being the toughest.

You don’t have to be giving it your all every day, Some (or most) days it’s just about getting everyone through fed and and alive.

I did find a bit of structure helped for my sanity at least so I would always take them out after breakfast for a walk or to the park or just somewhere then at least I felt like we had done something. Then it would be a bit of tv, rotate the boxes of toys, lunch, nap, music time then before you know it’s dinner then hurray bedtime.

This won’t last for ever, it’s a lovely age gap mine are now 2 and 3 and they are so close they take themselves off to play together and I’m left not knowing what to do with myself!

@SnuggyBuggy hmmm I’d say it’s a bit of both. Before lockdown DS2 was only a few weeks old so I’ve never had to deal with 2 stuck at home for so long. I want DS1 to be able to play independently as well as with me/others so I’ve always encouraged both so we used to go out to soft play, classes etc and then have time at home where he’d play a bit and then I’d arrange an activity or more structured play

I’m just finding that with everything shut, not feeling like we can just pop somewhere really difficult. He loves going out, just walking around, going in the trolley which we obviously haven’t been doing

@Mycatsmellsbad thanks! The age gap will be lovely and so far it’s been fairly easy. I just feel like we’re hitting a rough patch and I’m running a marathon and starting to lose energy fast.

Ideally I try and wear DS1 out like you suggested and we do have a routine of sorts, it just revolves very much around feeding both of them which obviously don’t sync at the moment.

We try and get out for a walk but DS1 is a runner who hates the buggy now. I’ve got a double which we thought he’d love but he just wants to be independent and I’m struggling to keep him safe while pushing the youngest. I’ve also had a c section and DS2 is massive so wearing a sling too long really hurts my scar. So we’ve been waiting until DH finishes work to go on our walk in the evening before bed

I know routine will help, I’m just so overwhelmed I don’t know where to start. Trying to stop DS1 from pulling all the toys out and concentrate on an activity has so far been impossible. We’ve been shape sorting this morning which has now descended into chaos with lots of toys everywhere.

I suppose I’ve got no reference point as to whether this is normal or if he should be more focussed. I just feel like I’m letting him down if he isn’t engaged in some specific activity

I need to figure out an easy to stick to routine that’s enough balance for everyone I suppose

Maybe I need to come off social media. I see all these perfect insta mums feeding they’re children wholesome food at every meal, with their perfectly clean and tidy house, constant activities and then I feel like I’m failing

I just feel under so much pressure to keep be perfect. All of the time.

I’m honestly constantly thinking of what everyone’s eating for every meal, is it balanced, have we tried enough different foods, will it get eaten.

Then combined with trying to make sure everyone’s playing, engaged and developing while keeping the house tidy and clean....it’s just a lot. I don’t feel I ever switch off from it

I know it’s just motherhood and it’s a difficult time for everyone. I just feel this overwhelming need to be perfect

Uugh I feel you. Big one is just 5,babies are 6 7 months. We hadn't got into much of a routine pre lockdown but it involved school so compulsory outside walk twice a day. Now it's food nap argument about school work and repeat. Be kind to yourself, none of us expected to be parenting under this circumstance.