My 8month old prefers mummy

[Prinzy]

Hi All.

I just needed some advice for my parenting with my 8month old son (Atticus)

Due to current events I have been able to spend my time at home with my wife and son. For the first couple of months of my sons life I felt like I was able to console him, comfort him and make him feel assured and content,.

I co-parent at present with my wife, and share responsibilities, including feeding, playtime and engaging and have done since my son was born.

I have noticed in the last, up to 6 weeks that my son has started to favour mummy a lot. I don't see that as a problem in itself, and I I understand that this is probably very normal for young children. However it does sometimes feel like I am doing something wrong, or that I am unable to emotionally provide for my boy.

There are times, for instance if my baby boy cries, if I pick him up to console him he will not be consoled, and will continue crying until mummy picks him up. If I cuddle my boy before nap tap, sometimes he will start to cry and will reach out to be back with mummy.

We are both first time parents, my boy is very engaged, alert and very content and is thriving from being around both parents. I can make him giggle, smile and fully engage with him, however there are times when I feel I am not enough for him due to the above. I must stress I don't feel any negative thoughts towards my boy, but it does make me feel deflated, or that I am doing something wrong. It is something new and previously Atticus had no problems with daddy and due to my wife's early post-natal depression I felt a very strong bond was able to be made between father and son.

My question is, have any other mums noticed similar behaviour from baby to daddy or mum? Is it normal for baby to favour one parent as above? Will this pass over time? Should I be concerned? Is there anything can do to reassure baby that he is safe with daddy as equally as mummy? Or is this completely normal behaviour?

I am naturally a very anxious person and overthink a lot, (though not around baby boy) so I am unsure whether I am overreacting to something completely normal.

Thank you for you advice , very anxious father.

My DD is the same age as your son - she prefers to play with daddy but when she's upset she only wants me. I think at that age its a biological thing. Also probably because I'm breastfeeding.

Completely normal. All except my DD2, who massively preferred DH...but everyone commented on how unusual that was! They change over time, though. If anything, she became more of a mummy’s girl as she got older. They go through stages - really nothing to worry about.

Babies do tend to favour their mothers for obvious reasons. One reason my baby granddaughter is not so keen on her dad is his scratchy hairy chin...she loves him though just not the kisses. ...

Please don't worry. Kids often favour one parent, it doesn't mean you've done anything wrong. Favourites change too!
Just make sure you get to spend some time just the two of you as well.
My DD defaulted to me for years! DH had to be very patient but they love each other and have a good relationship.

My son was very similar. He's now 12months. But from around 8months to 11months he wouldn't be consoled by my husband and would cry if I left the room etc. Actually my DH going into his room at night would make things worse. It did bother my husband a bit as, like you, he had previously been able to settle him no problem. It was just a phase though (as usual!) and now he is back to being settled by both of us. Although when he is very upset or feeling unwell he does tend to prefer me... I think this is normal.

Very normal! My ds favoured me from about 12 months. It's nothing you're doing wrong. Very natural for a child to favour one parent. It's never upset my husband thankfully because it does get hard when they can speak and voice their favouritism! My lo is 4 and is much more even handed now. Day to day there isn't much difference to how he treats us, I only notice it now when he comes to me over his dad for comfort and he always wants me to be the one to give him the last kiss goodnight.

Completely normal but this stands out for me

will continue crying until mummy picks him up it undermines you as a parent, that only Mummy can settle him and you are reinforcing this by her taking him off you.

I have been a sahm for 16 years, at no stage did I rescue the situation from Dh. So if he picked up our son, I disappeared out the room. Dh is the option and has to settle Ds. If I had gone out or was busy then a child needs to learn that other people settle them.

Because I was a sahm, we made sure that Dh and Ds had a lot of one to one time, so bath times were either Mummy, Mummy and Daddy, or Daddy. But also lots of play time etc was with Daddy alone.

Let's put it another way, if your wife wasn't in the house you would have to settle your son. Just like she had to settle your son when you were at work. Therefore, don't let her take your son off you. You have no idea if it would only take another 2 minutes for him to settle for you because you don't see it through.

But yes, expect your child to flip flop between you for several years to come. We have a video os Ds2 aged 7 saying to Dh that he loves Mummy best of all, more than Daddy. But then Dh asks him what about his Bear (bed time bear that he LOVES) and of course he says I love Bear the best, much more than Mummy because he gives the best cuddles it still makes us laugh and he is now 14!

Also lovely name Atticus!

Hi All,

Thank you all so much for the great responses. It has really helped put things into perspective for me. I can stop worrying so much now and just focus on continuing to build a roasting relationship with LO.

Some great tips that I am excited to try too and I think being patient with my DS is very clear now. And not feeling disheartened by his natural behaviour and favouritism of mummy. After all mummy's are fantastic and after seeing 9months of pregnancy and 5 days in labour, mummy deserves all the love and favouritism in the world.

Thank you all again, you've really helped me feel relaxed about the situation.

Just came on here to say that this is developmentally completely normal and is just a phase. Until 7 months babies are generally indiscriminate in their attachments to carers, though of course they show preferences for their main carers and familiar people. But then between 7-9 months babies develop a very strong attachment to their primary carer (usually their mother) and can be very difficult for then to be away from that person/ they find it difficult to be soothed by anyone other than them. Often this is referred to as separation anxiety. But at 10 months they start to increase the number of attachment relationships they have as they get bigger and more independent. All this is just a sign that your baby is developing normally. When you struggle to soothe him, instead of feeling like you’re failing, it could be helpful for you to think of yourself as being there with him and supporting him through his distress at being separated from his mum. This is just a phase and it’ll pass soon.

Just wanted to say you sound like a great dad

Yes exactly the same here our boy is 9 months and although mostly he is happy with either of us, there are some times usually in the night or when he is hungry it makes no difference if i hold him but his mum he will calm down straight away. I just knew it's a phase and just carry on as normal but it sometimes i feel rejected and have to remind myself of his stage.
The worse one is the biting, he does bite when he is frustrated which is hard to deal with!!

Don't worry about it - it ebbs and flows. It'll be you in a couple of months, then your wife again, and so on!

Glad I found this thread.....this sounds very similar to my experience. I'd say i'm an OK dad, although owing to work commitments, my time with our 9-month-old DD is limited to evenings and weekends. Up until a few weeks ago, it used to be my job to put DD to bed and I used to quite like this. Sometimes she used to cry a bit because she was tired, but provided i read the signs well enough, I could usually bounce her to sleep with a minimum of fuss. Now this simply doesn't happen. There is nothing I can do to get her to sleep. I hope this is just a phase, as it used to be one of my preferred baby activities. Plus it meant GF could go out for a few hours in the evenings, which I think benefited her also.

You sound like an amazing dad, Atticas is lucky to have you both. It's completely natural for him to want mummy, in studying psychology and the attachment theory is really interesting - I know Atticas must be around one now (As you posted in July) is he coming round more now?

Very normal. DD1 was and is mummy focused. She has only mellowed since she turned 4. DH has some activities they do together which has really helped their bond.

DD2 loves daddy! It's delightful.

Basically, don't take it personally and give it lots of time. Plus it is tough at the top! Being rejected hurts, it is also exhausting for the favoured parent, try to stay a team.

Very normal! My first hardly acknowledged her dad until she was 2, yet dh even did shared parental leave with me after she was born and has always been very involved with everything. It wasn't until her baby brother was born that she started to go to daddy more and that was mainly because I was busy with the newborn! She's 3yo now and is always saying that daddy is her best friend and they adore each other. Just hang on in there!

@Prinzy

Hi All.

I just needed some advice for my parenting with my 8month old son (Atticus)

Due to current events I have been able to spend my time at home with my wife and son. For the first couple of months of my sons life I felt like I was able to console him, comfort him and make him feel assured and content,.

I co-parent at present with my wife, and share responsibilities, including feeding, playtime and engaging and have done since my son was born.

I have noticed in the last, up to 6 weeks that my son has started to favour mummy a lot. I don't see that as a problem in itself, and I I understand that this is probably very normal for young children. However it does sometimes feel like I am doing something wrong, or that I am unable to emotionally provide for my boy.

There are times, for instance if my baby boy cries, if I pick him up to console him he will not be consoled, and will continue crying until mummy picks him up. If I cuddle my boy before nap tap, sometimes he will start to cry and will reach out to be back with mummy.

We are both first time parents, my boy is very engaged, alert and very content and is thriving from being around both parents. I can make him giggle, smile and fully engage with him, however there are times when I feel I am not enough for him due to the above. I must stress I don't feel any negative thoughts towards my boy, but it does make me feel deflated, or that I am doing something wrong. It is something new and previously Atticus had no problems with daddy and due to my wife's early post-natal depression I felt a very strong bond was able to be made between father and son.

My question is, have any other mums noticed similar behaviour from baby to daddy or mum? Is it normal for baby to favour one parent as above? Will this pass over time? Should I be concerned? Is there anything can do to reassure baby that he is safe with daddy as equally as mummy? Or is this completely normal behaviour?

I am naturally a very anxious person and overthink a lot, (though not around baby boy) so I am unsure whether I am overreacting to something completely normal.

Thank you for you advice , very anxious father.

My DS is a Lockdown baby too and for a long time DH did everything except breastfeeding as I had health issues. Around 8-9 months when seperation anxiety hit he basically latched onto my breast 24-7, would scream when DH took him, and even while playing would stop every few minutes to make sure I hadn’t moved an inch. If I had he would literally sit on my feet lol.

He’s 10 months old now and has started nursery and has slowly started to trust other people again - he still needs me but is now able to be consoled by DH. So hang in there and don’t take things personally!