Last resort - considering sleep consultant?

[Ineedacoffee21]

Hi,
I just wondered if anyone had bought any online courses from sleep consultants and if they were worth it? I’m literally at the end of my tether with exhaustion. My little one is 5 months old and since she was born I have cuddles her to sleep which was fine up until 4 month sleep regression. She wakes up probably 6-8 times a night, doesn’t go longer than 2 hour stretches, and will only nap on me in the day. I do love the cuddles but it’s starting to affect me in the day I don’t feel like I can take her out for even a short walk as I’m just too tired. We currently have white noise playing, dummy, comforter to fall asleep and she is in a sleeping bag.
I don’t want to use cry it out method at all as I find this too distressing but have saw a few sleep consultants on Instagram with online courses that seem to have really good reviews ?

Sorry for the long post - one very tired mama here!

Is she breast or bottle fed?
is she too hot or cold at night?
How do you actually put her to sleep? Straight in cot, or on you?

She is bottle fed - has her last feed around 7/ half 7ish then would normally sleep through til around 3/4 for a bottle then up at 7ish
I dress her according to tog and our room temperature which is fine
She falls to sleep on me then I wait 20 minutes and try to put her down. I’ve attempted to put her straight in crib but she just lies there awake rolling around looking at everything then after 20 mins starts to cry no sign of tiredness until I pick her up and she falls straight to sleep

Mine is 6 months and still like this. But in the last month she has improved at bedtime in terms of being able to put her in her cot, so that she doesn’t have to sleep on me (whereas before she woke up if put down). So things may start to get better as she gets a little older. Is she waking up for food or comfort do you think?

@Intastellaburst that’s reassuring to hear! I’m okay with the naps as she will nap when I go out with her in the pram and I love the cuddles! But of a night it’s really taking its toll!
She’s always woken up once for a feed in the night which is fine I always worked well with just the one wake up but now it seems as though every time I close my eyes she wakes up I think it is comfort mainly. Just so hard to function on no sleep and then feeling guilty for not doing enough with her :(

As tiring and as knackering as it is, what you are describing is completely normal for a 5 month old.

Even the advocates of controlled crying say it’s not to be used before 12 months old.

I honestly think you just need to ride it Out.

www.basisonline.org.uk

This is a really good site for understanding what normal baby sleep looks like.

Sounds normal to me - we had 6 weeks of the sleep regression at around 4 months. Things that helped were getting out for a decent walk every day and I used to co-sleep for naps so I could catch up a bit on sleep. I noticed every period of poor sleep came with a leap in development.

She may well be hungry in the night, it would be worth offering her a bottle when she wakes just in case. Their needs change so quickly at this age as they are literally developing overnight.
I know it's so hard and you have my sympathies, but it is completely normal for a 5mo baby, she's still really little. My mantra, as advised by many on MN, was "this too will pass" and you know what, it does. But it doesn't stop it being any less shit when you're seriously sleep deprived! Hang on in there, you're doing a great job!

Like @HighInTheHills says, perhaps she does need more milk now. Mine has always fed every 2-3 hours ever since she was born (she’s bf). I know some bottle fed babies do go all night with only one feed but they’re all a bit different, could be a growth spurt and she needs a bit more now? Hope things improve for you soon, I know how rubbish it is to feel headachey and in a daze all day x

Thank you everyone for your replies , I will try and offer more milk during night and see if it helps. I’m glad to hear it sounds normal, a few other mums I know have been putting babies down for naps and night around this age and they self settle I feel like I’m doing something wrong for cuddling my baby x

Hi OP my dd went through sleep regression at about 4months old for about 6 weeks and is currently going through it again. I agree with above try offering more milk. Does she sleep a lot during the day?
Also my dd won't self settle too she's 8months old will only go to sleep in my arms x

and*

I don't know anyone who had a baby who self settled at 5 months. Everything you are describing is completely normal for her age. If she is waking lots, I would assume she is hungry. One feed a night is not much for a 5 month old. At that age, both of mine were fed every time they woke. If you are bottle feeding, you and your partner, assuming you have a partner, could take turns doing the feed. Then you both get straight stretches of sleep. If feeding lots during the night means she only wakes 2-3 times (and you only each need to do half of those feeds), you'll probably be getting as much sleep as anyone is.

@Ineedacoffee21 I’ve got 3 children. At 5 months old every single one has fed to sleep for all naps and all night waking. None of my children slept through the night before about 14 months (and my youngest was over 3!). Self settling 5 month olds who sleep through are definitely not the norm.

One milk feed in the night doesn't seem a lot for a 5 month old. Agree with PPs that it might be worth offering another. I started cosleeping with DS around this age as I was losing my sanity with lack of sleep - it really helped but you do then have to deal with getting them back into their own bed!

Have you got a partner or family member around who could take a shift? I find if I can get a 4 hour chunk at some point during the night, the days are tolerable. Broken chunks of

If you want to use a sleep consultant be careful who you choose.

We used one to try and sort out naps, settling and early waking and she was awful. Basically charged us £££ for what was basically controlled crying, offered none of the support we were promised, all but called me a bad parent and one time when I left a tearful voicemail asking for advice, she rang back in a foul temper telling me I was the problem and I needed to get a grip basically. I had to kick her to the kerb because I could feel that the mild PND that I had successfully overcome myself might resurface.

Too much basically in that post - sorry!

Its a young baby unfortunately some of them dont sleep very well. I would not waste money on a consultant.

My ds slept ok ish for four months then horrifically for six weeks then settled down again slowly. I think it’s a known pattern and very common.

Yes same here, we eventually bit the bullet at about 5.5 months and stopped holding him to sleep but tried to put him in the bed lying down and wrap/rock him, he cried like the end of the world but we never left him and now he's 9 months and sometimes he can go to sleep himself with me sitting on the end of the bed but most of the time still needs rocking. If he starts rolling around and scratching i just stop him moving and he eventually relaxes.
If it's really bad crying i pick him up but only until his eyes start to get heavy, and then back in the bed.
The hardest one is when he seems to be asleep but screaming, pick up and asleep completely instantly, put down and screaming like a banshee!
Good luck, it's hard!! He still wakes 2-5+ times in the night...

I have a 4 month old and I suspect we're going through a sleep regression now. Hes gone from waking once a night at 3 for a feed, to waking twice/three times for feeds and being generally unsettled between 4am-6am. Im exhausted, but ive taken the view that everything is a phase with babies. Im just riding this out and hoping it doesnt last too much longer.

I also agree with PP that sleep consultants are a waste of money. I actually think they're exploitative at a period of desperation.

Don't pay much heed to what others are doing - yes some babies sleep better than others but some parents exaggerate how well too. I agree a sleep consultant would just be a waste of money. Once they become more active in the day they tend sleep better at night

we use little ones app and love it! It is a standard routine that updates as they get older and sends you notifications when it's time to settle them for a nap. Our 5month old was sleeping 7-7 pretty quickly and goes down automatically for naps within a couple of weeks of using it.

AND..... on the occasion we have had issues you can ask them directly and they message you back.

You can also get your money back if it doesn't work within a few weeks so win win