Constantly comparing life with toddler to others

[bingsulaflop]

Hello,

apologies in advance this is gonna be a long one!

After my DS was born (he's nearly 2 now) I was diagnosed with PND (history of depression before this) and a lot of it would stem from comparing my life to others, basically why I felt the way I did and others who took motherhood in their stride so easily and looked like they had it all.

Fast forward to now, a family member also has a little one close in age to my DS (they're second cousins, in no way compared to each other in terms of milestones etc by anyone else)
However my DS is showing some signs of a speech delay although getting better by the day, he's not yet potty trained (have made another thread on this) and I constantly compare my life to others (jealousy almost of me and my DP renting rather than have bought a house, I am only just starting my uni degree rather than being qualified and always feeling like I'm not doing enough for DS - we can't afford the latest brands like others, haven't potty trained him yet and do watch our pennies so he gets everything he needs but I always feel like I need to give him more to compensate not feeling so down about how shit of a parent I feel)

Apologies that I have just rambled on.. is there any way to stop feeling like I need to compare everything my DS is doing to how my cousins DD is doing?

I know we are totally different but I think with PND I will always feel guilty for suffering something that no little one should have to see or feel their mum go through this..

Thank you for any advice!
I feel like I cannot open up IRL without feeling like I'm a shit person!

I find it hard not to make comparisons too and I think to some extent we all probably do this.

However, I get the sense that you might have distorted expectations of what is normal. For example, most children will not be potty trained before 2. So I wonder if your issue with comparisons stem from unrealistic expectations for yourself and your DS?

Also PND sucks. Sorry about that.

Try to minimise contact with your cousin. Perhaps unfollow (but don’t block) her on social media. Remember that social media is a facade. What you see on social media is either the best of their best days or it’s staged for the perfect picture.
Girls develop faster than boys in many ways. It’s human nature.
Milestone development has very little to do with a child's future potential, so I really wouldn’t worry if your DS is a late bloomer or seems to be at the outer limits of normal.
When I see some of the amazing other children at my DC’s class assemblies and sports days who are obviously way brighter and better at sport than my DC, I try and convince myself that they may still wear pull ups at night! And for all I know, they may have had a monster meltdown that very morning. Unless you live with your cousin, you don't know the whole story. They may be dealing with challenges that you're completely unaware of.
Instead of focusing on all the things you don’t do for your child, take a minute to notice all the things you do. The biggest help for me has been learning to reframe. Instead of—”Her house always looks so clean,”I try to think, “Our mess shows life and creativity and love”.
Remember that this is a short season in life. I would have hated it if someone said this to me right after I had a baby, but I’m here to tell you, it’s true. This is a small snippet in your life that will be gone before you know it. Don’t let your fear of not being enough take away from the precious moments you spend with your baby.

@Ricekrispie22

Thank you so much, I can't thank you for your kind words and you're right the days are long but the years very short!x

@Ricekrispie22

Thank you so much, I can't thank you enough for your kind words and you're right the days are long but the years very short!x

Have dc under 2 and speech is garbled gobbledy gook at best but with massive gusto and pleased with themselves 😆 and nowhere near ready for potty training.
Happy, gorgeous creature and I love being her mother (tantrumming aside lol)

Just love on your little boy! Drink in his features. Its scary how they've turned from precious babies into independent and strong willed little people. So quick too.

We always have someone who has more, does more, achieves more in our life.

Good luck for your uni course!

Op my 3.5 year old is not potty trained. Also, I know that pressing anxious feeling that you aren't doing enough for your dc, I put it down to over critical upbringing of my own, those disapproving voices never go away! What your son needs is you, warts and all. You're allowed to have faults. You're allowed to be crap at things. Stay away from anyone who says otherwise. Check you are over your PND properly, been there, its really hard. Best wishes to you.

I had PND twice and it is really awful, I have felt like this before.

Sometimes things in other people’s lives aren’t as great as they seem. I have a two year old who is honestly really advanced with his speech and can do lots of great things like count, recognise some phonics etc. However he has a health condition he was born with and has been through 8 operations. From the outside my life looks different to what it actually is because of this. He also doesn’t sleep through and never has 🤷‍♀️.

What helped me with my PND was coming off social media completely and only sharing my life with those who I’m really close with. Now I don’t compare as much and I am happier for it.

You sound like a lovely Mum OP.