Moaning crying toddler, lockdown or me?

[icedaisy]

Wondered if anyone could offer any advice.

I'm fairly isolated and rural. Dd is 20 months and gone from lots of groups and two mornings nursery to me 24 hours a day.

I do have dh but he's a farmer and rarely here.

The last few weeks I've tried to do a couple of walks with friends and her friends. Total nightmare.

She cries and moans from the moment we arrive to the moment we leave. Today cried on the swing, off the swing, walking, sitting, you get the idea. Screams if the other child touches her, even tried to hit him at one point.

This is not a distressed cry, it's a moaning horrid cry. I walked away and ignored her, she got louder. Last week was so bad I thought she might be sick.

Today I took plenty snacks, toys etc. Still the same.

Finding it really draining. I'm alone so much and really need that adult company myself, but nobody will want to see me soon. I got back in the car and cried.

She's always been a high needs baby, but this is something else.

Fine when home, well fine for her. Busy, constant but not moaning and crying.

Any ideas? Thank you.

Could she be overtired? Or poorly?

She just sounds a bit overwhelmed and out of routine. I would talk to one of your friends about it and ask if they're willing to help you out here. Do regular visits starting off really short and slowly increasing the time. Then when shes fine with that you can introduce new people. Try to think of it like nursery settling in sessions.

My son used to be like this. He is just one of these kids who likes being at home

Not tired or poorly. Made it nice and early so nowhere near nap.

Yes mum today was lovely and patient but if it was getting to me it was getting to her.

If it was separation anxiety or fear I would be more understanding but honestly, it horrible. Just low level constant tantrum.

Today was half hour, she basically cried all the way round the field and the park.

I did that with her twice this week, no problem at all.

She was very difficult to settle at nursery. Probably took the six months she was there.

Friend suggested leaving her for five minutes and going to get them an ice cream from car or shop.

Not sure on that?

She's certainly better once I go, if I can go.

Worried sick about her. Going to be that child that everyone eye rolls at. I just don't know why she is so miserable.

She doesn't speak either. Spoken to HV and just a late talker. That probably doesn't help.

I would guess it’s that she doesn’t like having to share your attention with your friends. She’s been used to having you all for herself. However it’s very important for you to have adult company and ward off loneliness.

Perhaps talk to your friend and make a plan. You could try meeting your friend but for the first 5 or 10 minutes while your daughter settles be very focussed on her with your friend just alongside. She might relax if she knows you’re still there for her.

Is she teething? Two year molars can be awful.

My only other thought - I don't want to raise unnecessary alarm, but high needs + late talking + social anxiety - autism?

It can be very normal for toddlers to be extremely jealous of mum interacting with anybody who isn't them, though.

Ok, will do that.

Can I ask, can it sometimes be a child specific problem?

Yesterday I went for a walk and bumped into two mums and their boys randomly. We got a coffee and walked quite far, she was absolutely fine.

Yet last three times with other child been horrific. Other child very chatty and confident, not pushy though.

Do they form likes and dislikes so little?

@BertieBotts yes teething, molars.

I will look at autism. I do not know anything about that. Certainly been high needs as I say but I haven't explored anything else.

Meeting all other milestones, understands everything just doesn't speak. Has started babbling last week and makes every animal sound possible.

Looking at list on national autism page she doesn't match many.

Talking one.

Little safety or danger maybe but more in a toddler type way.

Do you think I should speak to HV again?

If HV is already keeping an eye on speech no need to worry. They wouldn't diagnose autism so young anyway.

They definitely can have preferences. My DS2 is 22 months and definitely favours some people over others. He's very closed off around people he doesn't know. I think he's just introverted though.

Op my 2.5 year old has been acting similar . She has always been quite shy socially and it has always taken her a while to feel confident playing in a group etc but fine playing near other children . Since lockdown eased and we have been going to playparks ( we are in Scotland) she has become completely hysterical if another child comes anywhere near her. Crying, screaming being clingy and wanting to go home. We have met up with friends children who she has played with before but she is just the same. It's draining and upsetting . I have become frustrated with her which I know isn't fair as I think she's just become used to it just being me and her new sister over the last few months ( my DH has been working overseas for the last 8 weeks which hasn't helped ) .
Im going to keep trying though and today she did , after an hour of me ignoring her crying ( I.e I pretended I couldn't even hear her crying and just talked normally to her ) at the park she did eventually play near another child happily.
I do think for some young children who maybe already had low confidence socially lockdown has really set them back. She is due to start nursery in September and I'm dreading it so I'm going to keep pushing her to interact in the playpark over the next few months and hope that helps !

Also I can completely understand about adult interaction! I'm on my own since DH went away and I was so upset that I couldn't even talk to my friend when out with DD . It upset me so much. And it upset me to see my DD so obviously upset by something that should have been fun.

Thank you both.

I feel less alone today.

Friend message last night and didn't see it as a problem. Her child seems to do the opposite, turn extroverted almost. Not bad, but bouncy and full on. Dd just seems to shy away. So she was worrying as well, for opposite reason.

Always something to worry about eh, kids!

Will keep trying this week and try to ignore the moaning.

My daughter was a bit like this when small. She just hated me giving attention to anyone else and would never let me chat with other mums at the school gate (when collecting my older one) without tugging at me and whining. As soon as she had me to herself she'd be fine again.