Worried I'm letting my DS down/potty training/everything but the kitchen sink...

[Janos]

I don't know where to begin but I'm getting worried about DS's behaviour at nursery.

Despite the fact he is happily potty trained at home he wets and messes himself deliberately at nursery (he's nearly 3). At least I suspect this is what he's doing - he's a stubborn wee soul and I think it's his way of protesting againt something. What it is, I don't know.

Apparently his behaviour is also getting more aggressive and he is very rude to the nursery staff, who really are lovely. My XP has helpfully dropped the hint that his behavior (at nursery) seems to worse when he's with me, although he backed off when I disagreed.

But now I'm worrying, what if it is something I'm doing wrong? Am I not spending enough time with my little boy? Am I not looking after him properly? Feeding him the right food? All sorts really.

Any advice/sympathy appreciated.

I don't have any specific advice but one thing that i have found when i have started to get overly paranoid is that you can worry yourself and twist and turn everything into an issue and make it all feel as though if you did 1 thing differently then it could all be better. But it doesn't work like that IMHO. Children will just be who they are and develop their own ways of coping with situations that you have no control over. You just have to be there for them to support them through it.

I am sure you have looked at these but are there any changes going on his life? New house, Dad moving out, new nursery etc etc. My DS is very stubborn and also very sensitive. When any change happens in his life - even down to a new hair cut or a new pair of shoes it is a huge deal to him and his stress is always shown in his behaviour and eating habbits but it does settle down even though i worry myself so much that it is something i am doing wrong.

Hope this isn't too ranbling and that you get some proper advice soon.

My nearly 2 year old is clean and dry at nursery but has started wetting herself at home recently, basically for attention (I have a 3 and 4 year old). I am immune to feelings of guilt about this!

Please don't think it is anything to do with what you are feeding him or spending enough time with him. The only things children can control at that age are eating and bodily functions. So he is simply exerting himself at nursery. I should ask them how they are dealing with it (find out and post again because I would be interested to know) and see if you are happy with their response.

Regarding his behaviour and "rudeness" with the nursery staff, again, I suspect he is doing this for attention from you (is he "rude" when you are not there to react?).

Also, re your XP's comment, I should take it positively, of course your DS wants YOUR attention: his behaviour is no reflection on you.