My DH and kids are going to be the death of me.

[Exhaustedone]

I end up feeling emotionally and mentally battered and bruised a couple of times every week and have to skip the kids bedtime just to get into bed myself at 7pm. I also get physical aches and pains, IBS and migraines which my doctor has attributed to stress.

I have an older child who talks incessantly and asks questions constantly, a 2.5 year old who has terrible temper tantrums and cries if I give him the wrong cup, spoon or bowl. He wants to be held and cuddled constantly but only be me.

I have a DH in a high-stress job who comes home and verbally dumps his day on me as I'm juggling the kids, cooking our evening meal etc. He also talks incessantly and asks lots of questions. He is always talking, but never listens.

I get no mental space at all during the day time and by the evening, I want to curl up in a ball under the duvet. I go to work part-time but partly work from home so sometimes don't see other adults even when I'm at work. I enjoy the quiet though.

Everyone in my house seems to need my attention ALL the time.

This evening, I'm in bed again after having an IBS flare up this afternoon. I can't go on like this. I keep thinking that they will be the death of me. They need to give me some mental space. I can't think clearly at all.

They youngest still wakes during the night sometimes and will only settle for me. DH can be quite smothering and I have to remind him to give me a little space, but he will also drop us easily for his hobby which takes him away from the home for full weekends several times throughout the year.

If I mention this to anyone, they just tell me to be more like DH and do more for myself but I'm just so tired and mildly ill such a lot that I don't have the energy.

I've had a lot of blood tests over the last 12 months to rule things out but nothing has been pinpointed. My doctor just keeps on coming back to stress being the cause.

Would it be less stressful for me to just return to work full-time? I'd have less school-runs, less evenings meals to cook, less time with the toddler and I'd be a lot less available to everyone.

I've been committed to being a hands-on, very present and available mother because my own DM stayed at home until my sibling and I went to school. But I feel really taken for granted and fed up like this. Part of me wonders if I would find life even more of a juggle if I went back to full-time working, but also I have realised since lockdown that I am longing for some freedom from all of them.

I force myself out of the house to meet up with friends 1-2 times per week which I enjoy a lot, but feel tired the next day if I haven't gone to bed by 10 at the latest. I've tried taking up running, but find I'm even more exhausted and achey as a result.

I'm genuinely concerned that my life, as it is, being there for everyone else apart from me is actually making me ill.

Can I have some well meaning advice please?

@sylvee That's really interesting about B12 levels. My DD was tested for Vit D and B12 and was in 21.5 in Vit D and 182 in B12. Most of her symptoms are still present 3 months on with readings of 31.5 and 250 now. The Dr doesn't think upping her dose of either is needed. He's saying that as long as you are within the normal 30-50 range for Vit d it's fine and doesn't seem to have an issue with her B12 level now. I will do some research on global recommendations in terms of levels, what you said about anything under 500 being low struck a chord.

@TheTeenageYears Yes unfortunately in the UK we have a very low level of active b12 that is considered normal and no further action needed. In any case Drs are supposed to treat the symptoms not the levels, but most have no in depth knowledge of b12 issues. They get hardly any training on b12 apparently Your daughter's levels are low, would you like the info for the Facebook group? It's run by a retired nurse who is the font of all knowledge on b12, it's been a brilliant source of info and advice for me.

Op I'm sorry I don't want to derail your thread, I hope you're ok today x

@sylvee Facebook details would be great thank you

@Exhaustedone I really hope you find a solution. I have carried the full home load for a very long time and have felt at breaking point many times. I would really like to go back to work now but know that the result would be an increased load for me so it's just not happening. Would going back to work full time for you not just add to everything you have to juggle already? Unless it's the difference between being able to buy in some help (childcare, au pair, cleaner etc) and not I can't see it actually benefiting you.