Clingy baby

[Emiliemoo]

I have a (just turned) 2 year old DD and had DS 14 weeks ago. I'm breastfeeding if this is relevant. Due to lockdown DH had been home with us which was lovely and a massive help but he is spending more time in the office now and will be back in work full time shortly.

My issue is that DS is such a clingy baby and needs attention alll the time. He will sit in his bouncer or on the floor but is only happy if someone is there talking to him. I can't put him down for more than a minute or so. He prefers to be held constantly. All of his naps are being held.

I'm aware of the fourth trimester and we do use a sling but he doesn't always like this and he is quite a chunk so I do find him heavy to carry around.

I'm starting to feel really suffocated by this and I'm worried about DH being out of the house more. I'm also worried that I'm not giving DD enough attention or that DS has to cry too much/too long if I can't physically be holding him, such as if I pop to the loo or need to do something for DD.

I really need some positive stories about clingy babies who got easier or tips of how to deal with this before I lose my mind!

Thank you

Anyone?

I found the first few months really hard with my dd too who is now 7.5 months old. She always wanted to be held, would only sleep on me or her dad, hated to be put down anywhere. For the first 4 months she literally slept on us on the sofa in shifts! I have older school age children too..so it was tough with getting things ready for school run, etc.. It def did get easier...very gradually so that I didnt really notice it until I look back now and see how different it is in just a few months. I know that seems a long time but if your little one is anything like my daughter itll be subtle and gradual but it will change. She now refuses to sleep on me and only really sleeps in her cot! I never thought that would happen! Hold on in there....hopefully over the next few weeks itll get easier.

Thank you. We're having a difficult morning so i needed to read a positive response

Clingy babies who dont like to be put down is often a sign of an overtired baby.

You mention baby in the bouncer (presumably for awake time) and then sleeping on you when napping. I'd swap that around. So at nap time sit yourself on the sofa with the baby in bouncer at your feet. Start bouncing with your foot at a regular heart-beat speed tempo. Use the bouncers rhythmic movement to get baby to sleep.

Then when waking, don't have too long awake. It might just be that baby wakes, has a feed, 15-20 minutes or so kick around on the floor, nappy change and top-up feed then back into the bouncer for another nap.

It's useful at this age to divide your day into repeating cycles, where the same thing happens over and over again. A reasonable expectation at this age is that this cycle start-to-finish is around 2h, with the nap being maybe 30-45 minutes:

• WAKE
• FEED (full feed upon waking)
• AWAKE TIME (on the floor, put baby down to give you some space and also to develop motor skills). Second cry, and take that as it's time to start re-setting to sleep. No more than 90m awake at this age, ideally around 1h.

= SLEEP (maybe do a top-up feed and re-wind if needed. Then into bouncer and start bouncing)

Repeat.... over and over and over again.

@BabySleepTeacherUK thank you so much. I will definitely try implementing this!

Dd was like this for her entire first year. It’s exhausting, physically and mentally so I feel for you. She is my fourth so I by no means had any unrealistic expectations of what a baby would be like. But my god she was hard work. People really didn’t understand how literally I meant that she wouldn’t be put down. Our baby mat and bouncy chairs were complete waste of money (yes, chairs plural, and swings and everything else we could think of to try. She was having none of it). She wouldn’t anywhere except on me so I was overwhelmed trying to get things done around her and I ended up with quite bad PND. For me what worked was stopping breastfeeding, which I fought against. I persevered for a year and then stopped. She was instantly much happier. I have no other tips, expect perhaps the Babybjorn bouncy chair was the one that she’d finally settle in, but not for any length of time. But it WILL get better. I can’t imagine going through her first year with lockdown as well, I think I’d have lost my mind. Make sure that you’re getting a proper break if you can, it was hard for me as dd wouldn’t take a bottle so I never got any downtime

Thank you Awkward. I hadn't considered how lockdown had impacted but it has. Any other time we would have had so much support from friends, grandparents etc. Hopefully now things are starting to ease it will help.

Thank you for sharing though It really is good to know that there is a light at the end of the tunnel

@EmiliemooEmiliemoo

Please DO NOT let your child sleep in the bouncer.

This is very DANGEROUS ,
Sleeping in a bouncer can compromise babies airway!

Regarding Bouncers - nothing to be alarmed about, they are not considered unsafe by the Lullaby Trust (which is the advisory body on SIDS for the NHS and UK government).

Lullaby Trust are fairly ambiguous about this aspect of safe sleep than they are other aspects, for reasons I'm happy to explain in more depth for anyone interested, because it's not black and white and considering this aspect of safe sleep requires some view of managing risk (as opposed to eliminating risk).

There's a list of items consideredunsafeand would not recommend parents buy (see attached image). Note that bouncersare noton this.

There is also the very clear advice from Lullaby Trust that "The safest place for a baby to sleep is a separate cot, crib or Moses basket. We recommend a firm, flat, waterproof mattress."

There are a lot of sleep instances that are in the middle here that Lullaby Trust accept are not the "safest" answer, but are equally not considered "unsafe" and thereforeare options to parents, in a risk managed way.

The are many very examples to this but here are a few:
● Cosleeping
● Sling
● Pushchair
● Carseats (for under 2h)
● Holding in arms (when not tired)
● Asleep on a carpeted floor (the joy of babies who do this... just fall asleep while playing!)
●BOUNCY CHAIR(caps deliberate)

It comes down to understanding that safe sleep is not a matter of eliminating risk to zero. It is about managing risk in a way that makes it as low as possible. This may mean the risk management is not "safest" but it is equally not "unsafe"

@BabySleepTeacherUK
How many more times.

The lullaby trust doesnt list it as unsafe but it doesnt say its safe either.
It states Firm and flat. A bouncer is neither...

Thanks for the replies.

Weirdly he has no problems going in our Next to me crib at night. He falls asleep downstairs with us and we transfer him over.

If he was to sleep in the bouncer it would always be with supervision, just for info, however it's irrelevant as he won't do 10 mins without being held to nap.

He's slightly better when he's awake but it's still a struggle to be honest. He insisted on being held yesterday when I tried to put DD down for her nap. He was on the floor (in the same room) for about 5 mins before he screamed/cried so bad he sounded like he would be sick. I had to stand and hold him whilst he continued to cry whilst trying to read DD her story. We all ended up in tears but hoping I can come back to this post in a year and things will be easier