How expensive is it to have a child?

[Missunknownfuture]

I'm thinking of maybe trying for a baby at some point in the next year but I am really worried about whether we can afford it.
I've read somewhere that in the first year alone a child costs over £11,000 and that figure goes up every year. If that is the case we will have absolutely no money for anything else. I want to give my child everything they need and want them to have a good life but I want to be able to have a nice life too and looking at the figures it's going to be impossible to be able to do anything else like date night or holidays or being able to live on more than toast! So my question is, are children really that expensive? Is there any way of being able to raise them cheaper? Thank you

Well you can do it on the cheap by using state schools, buying everything second hand, using as much free childcare from relatives or friends as possible etc. Most people do manage but obviously a lot of kids are in bad schools or growing up in households that aren’t financially secure.

It really depends on what it is you actually want. If you want to send your kid to boarding school and go on nice international holidays every school holidays while living in a big house and only eating organic it will cost more than most people could ever afford. If you just want them to have a reasonable education and a handful of new toys a year with a camping trip every now and then then it should be doable if you don’t live in an expensive part of the country and you both work.

We're pausing TTC for now, as I am changing jobs, but I did the rough sums before we started trying.

Here's some ideas:

• There's a tax-free childcare scheme which knocks about 20% off your childcare costs, up to an annual limit - www.gov.uk/tax-free-childcare
• I hope to reduce to working 4 days per week. I did a salary calculator comparison, and for me, with the amount I net after tax, childcare and travel, working 5 days isn't much different than 4.
• if your partner can work 4 days a week too, you'd only need three days childcare.
• There is also 15/30 hours free termtime childcare for 3-4 year olds (and some 2 year olds in low income families) - www.moneysavingexpert.com/family/childcare-costs/

Also, personally, I delayed TTC until we got married. I do plan to return to work, but if our future child had additional needs or we decided that being a SAHM worked better for our family, I have more protection than if we were not married.

It's really not expensive to buy everything the baby needs, if you're happy to buy second hand and have hand-me-downs. Of course, it's a different matter once you have teenagers eating twice what you do!

Childcare costs and/or loss of earnings are far more significant, but fairly easy to calculate in advance.

The only thing ive really had to plan in terms of expenses is childcare. My son is 3 months old and the actual outgoings for him at the moment are minimal. He goes to nursery in september and thats when the expenses will start.

I would also say breastfeeding isn't free. I haven't had any issues so far, and not needed to buy lots of equipment as such, but I literally had no clothes suitable for breastfeeding in as usually wore dresses with no easy access or tight fitting. So a small wardrobe selection of new simple shirts, and wraps dresses for the summer, plus supply of bras as boobs grew.

Also not in UK, so small fortune on private healthcare in pregnancy, for birth and now afterwards for baby check ups and vaccinations.

I think for an average, £11,000 does sound about right if your allowing for loss of income in some form and childcare, if not on the cheap side if full time childcare needed or one whole income lost.

Actual items as others have said can be as cheap or as expensive as you want really.

Thank you for the replies. We don't have the luxury of free childcare as my parents work full time and my partner's parents, although retired, will be childminding my partner's nephew from next summer and they won't be wanting to look after 2 of them as they are in their 70s. So either we have to beg work to let us work from home on alternate days and try and juggle work and looking after the child or we have to pay the extortionate childcare fees and have no luxuries until they start their free hours at 3years old. It's worrying.

@Missunknownfuture

Thank you for the replies. We don't have the luxury of free childcare as my parents work full time and my partner's parents, although retired, will be childminding my partner's nephew from next summer and they won't be wanting to look after 2 of them as they are in their 70s. So either we have to beg work to let us work from home on alternate days and try and juggle work and looking after the child or we have to pay the extortionate childcare fees and have no luxuries until they start their free hours at 3years old. It's worrying.

Sorry when I say luxuries I mean anything beyond food (basic cheap food), mortgage, bills, second hand clothes, petrol. We might struggle to pay all of these

So either we have to beg work to let us work from home on alternate days and try and juggle work and looking after the child

If Lockdown has taught us anything, it's that WFH full time whilst looking after a child/ren is impossible without a huge amount of flexibility and compromise. Please don't try to do this, you will be unhappy with your work and your parenting.

Remember that you will likely save some money each month if you normally socialise a lot/eat out/go to the cinema etc. as you most probably won't do this to the same extent, at least at first. Childminders are often cheaper than nurseries, it's worth researching your local options.

Admittedly I didn’t do the baby stage, but £11k seems about right when you’re working.

I only work four days a week in the office (during normal times) and nursery was costing just over £1000 a month, wrap around care afterschool is much cheaper and costs me around £250 a month as I only needed it four days a week. Its hard to make childcare cheaper, but lots of things can be cheap, second clothes and toys etc save a significant amount of money. Obviously car seats can’t be second hand unless you know and trust the person selling them.

Clothes etc aren’t expensive, but doing things can be, days out etc.

So either we have to beg work to let us work from home on alternate days and try and juggle work and looking after the child
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In normal times (lockdowns excluded!), it's extremely unlikely that your employers will let you do this. Most companies will insist that you have childcare in place if you work from home. What you may be able to do is to work flexibly so that the number of hours you are both at work is reduced.

Tbh most people I know have said that , for the first few years between end of mat leave and the start of the nursery hours help, they've been very skint. It usually gets better after that, as wraparound childcare is cheaper than full-time (although school holidays can be challenging).
Some people are lucky enough to have family childcare (although that often has strings attached) but most have to budget for a few years.
Denmark have state-subsidised childcare which sounds amazing (although this is funded through higher taxes).
You can't really work from home whilst caring for a child. WFH may allow you to have shorter days in childcare though, or your employer may allow you to work compressed hours (some of my colleagues work 4 longer days instead of 5 days, for example).

You really really can’t work effectively while looking after a child, your work will know this and would be mad to agree. Yes, they nap, but not reliably and not enough to do a full days work. You’ll be distracted and stressed, you won’t be able to do your best work. Most companies have just had huge experience of how people struggled during lockdown with no childcare, so they won’t be naive about it.

Can you save before you start trying for a baby? If you can’t save on your current wage without struggling on bills, then you won’t be able to get by on less during your maternity leave, nor will you be able to afford childcare once you go back to work. That may sound terribly cold, but you need to think about these things. If you can start saving, by the time you go on maternity leave you will have hopefully got a year’s worth (or more, as you aren’t trying yet) of savings to put towards childcare.

Clothes and such can vary hugely in price - do you know people with children? We bought almost nothing in the first year because 3 people we knew gave us hand-me-downs (which we in turn passed on to other people).

Babies can be incredibly cheap if you are sensible and don’t insist on getting everything new. But you need to know if you can afford the loss of earnings and then the cost of childcare for the next couple of years.

Working from home really depends on what you do and the age of your child. when my LO was between 10months- 18 months I worked 1 morning from home and 1afternoon off a week. I could have worked a full day from home. I logged in before and during breakfast to get an hr in, then was with the baby until their morning nap, worked through nap time and lunch time, then played with baby (counting as my lunch), then worked through their afternoon nap, and caught up on work in the evening.
It’s no ideal but could buy you a few months childcare grace .

Tbh most people I know have said that , for the first few years between end of mat leave and the start of the nursery hours help, they've been very skint.

Yes! I agree with this! What I would also say is don’t expect costs to tank when they are at school. I’ve found that full time nursery - the 30 hours = full time wrap around care. So basically, what you pay at the age of 3 is what you pay until they’re 11!

You really won’t be able to regularly work from home with kids around. Admittedly people have had to do this in lockdown and also it can be done occasionally if your child is ill and can’t go to nursery for example. But in no way is this sustainable and I’d be very surprised if any employer allowed it in anything other than exceptional circumstances. Is working opposite shifts to your partner an option?

Once we knew that DC would need intensive speech therapy we knew all fancy extras were out the window.
We went private and hardly ate out or holidayed for quite a few years.

All the added extras we were encouraged to do also cost a fortune.

You can't estimate what kind of slush fund you might need should you have SEN .

Christ if anyone actually waited til they could afford it, no one would have kids.

I would say, if you're a two income family and you're using MOST of your income just to live, you're going to be screwed. IF you have two incomes and ONE income will actually pay for your lifestyle you will be fine.

I was actually going to be worse off going to work - as paying for childcare would leave me £200 a month worse off So totally made sense to stay at home and do it myself.

As pp have said, the biggest financial impact is likely to be reduced earnings and the cost of childcare. If you want more expensive baby items (pram, etc) then this will also make it more expensive at the outset.

You might be able to figure out a way of caring for your child which keeps the cost of childcare down. I'm in a very fortunate position of having parents that are retired and who are willing to watch my DD when needed but we try to keep this to a minimum. I have changed my working pattern to compressed hours to allow me to have one extra day off a week with DD while DH has gone to p/t hours. Paid childcare for us isn't an option so we're doing what we can to make it work and are VERY grateful to family for helping.

We struggled TTC so we didn't do much financial planning - we were just surprised when I managed to fall pregnant! That said, we brought a lot second hand (nursery furniture, clothes) or were given things by friends who already had children, or waited until there were good sales on (car seat, mattress for cot, etc). I buy a lot of my DD's clothes second hand or shop around for a good deal. I spoke to HR at work and figured out what maternity leave I could take at full pay, and then saved up a lot of leave to extend my time off with DD.

Figure out if you're entitled to any benefits - usually child benefit of £20 a week (paid every 4 weeks). Your local area might offer free antenatal classes, free breastfeeding support, assistance with getting basic groceries (fruit/milk) or assistance with cloth nappies (my local council offers a scheme where you can buy a reduced price starter package of cloth nappy essentials). You can get free samples from some companies (nappies, wipes) etc which are helpful to top up supplies.