EBF baby staying with dad overnight

[Banksy20]

Hi,

My daughter is just over 10 months old. She's EBF, we co-sleep and I boob to sleep for naps and throughout the night. Unfortunately, things didn't work out with me and her dad but he still plays a very active role. He wants to have her to sleep over at his but I have said it would be hard before one year old. I should add that she refuses bottles of both expressed and formula milk and won't take either from a sippy cup or 360! He thinks I'm being awkward but I am just really worried that she will be hungry and feel abandoned by me. Has anyone experienced anything similar or can anyone offer any advice? I left her once overnight while me and her dad were still together. She was 2 months old but at the time took bottles and was fine. Dad is hoping to have her for 24 hours, once a week but I have said we would need to build this up and hope she accepts cow's milk! She does drink water and eats three solid meals a day as well as occasional snacks. Also, dad lives a 45 min drive away so I'm worried that she won't be close by if she needs me. Any advice welcome! Thanks.

I wouldn't let him have her over night at the moment, she might find it distressing and you would be worried. Keep trying with a cup and/or bottle, she'll take to it sooner or later.

If he is so desperate to be with his daughter overnight, could you not sleep at his or him at yours occasionally? I apologise if that sounds naive but you say you are friendly and haven't hinted he has someone else in his life. I've known people who have stayed over with an ex partner and it worked very well.

The fact that her dad left you and is living with another woman and her child so soon does make a difference. He is not an amazing ‘hands on’ Dad! Sounds like a sh1t to me, especially if calling you ‘awkward’ for not wanting to be parted from your end baby - he didn’t mind, so clearly doesn’t understand / care. I think you should get proper arrangements made, so that you can build up a regular pattern rather than it being negotiated each week. sounds like you are in a kind of limbo at the moment. I also think you are being very kind in being in frequent touch with him, I can’t see how that will help you move on with your life. Will he do this for you when she is with him? if not I’d stop. (Unless you think it’s annoying for him then I’d be tempted to carry on, but I am not a good person). It sounds like he expects to have his cake & eat it. You sound amazing.

it s probably easier if someone who isn't the breast feeder tries cup feeding.

No need for you to stay overnight with him.
Build up hours and let him try in month or two. Baby will be fine.

I agree another month of building up hours, then try overnight. If baby is fine with grandma then leave with dad you say this about the child but it sounds it,s about you. 9and I am talking as someone's bf both mine, and both were terrible sleepers.)

@Sittinonthefloor haha, thank you! It does make it slightly difficult for me but I am just trying to make sure my daughter has a relationship with him, as hard as it can be!

Thank you everyone, definitely going to wait another couple of months and build up hours. I might suggest the trial run at my house first and see how that goes! X

If you there nearby watching she like likely wont settle. Unless you go away for the night?

I think as others have suggested, build up the time. Could he do 2 8 hour days some weeks? He could use a day of AL and spend a weekday with her some weeks.

There will be a huge difference between 10 months and 14-15 months. My one who was bf never even had a bottle of expressed milk (just would never take a bottle). I definitely couldn't have left him overnight at 10 months. But a lot changes in a few months. He was much happier to have a cup of cow's milk by 13 months and around 14 months I did a night away for a work trip. By 15 months, my other dc and I went on a weekend away and I was away for 3 nights. It was absolutely fine. But it might just take some time.