Breastfeeding regret

[redshift1]

My son is 12 weeks old now. All through my pregnancy I was determined to breastfeed. My son was born via forceps and episiotomy as he got stuck and we had to spend 2 days in hospital after birth. He was born during the prime of lockdown meaning there was no breastfeeding specialists on the ward, I also got very little support from midwives despite asking for help. My son struggled to latch on so I really needed all the help I could get, as this is my first baby so I didn't really have a clue what I was supposed to be doing! I very much struggled from the episiotomy and after 12 hours of my son not feeding and me being exhausted and in so much pain I gave in and gave him a bottle of formula as advised by my midwife.

The first 2 weeks I very much struggled with my recovery but now I'm basically all healed and starting to feel so guilty about not being able to breastfeed my baby. I feel like I've let him down and not doing what's best for him. I wish I had pushed harder for support for him latching on and wish I could go back and redo it.

There's no real point to this post, I just needed somewhere to release my frustration on myself 🙁

I’m sorry.

A specialist would be able to help with relactation, still, I think. Can you ask round for a local number?

It’s shit when you’re let down by the people that are meant to help you.

Please don’t feel guilty, your baby is happy and thriving and breastfeeding is not the be all and end all.

I'm sorry. It sounds like you did the very best for your new baby in really difficult circumstances. You shouldn't beat yourself up over that. I really don't want to be dismissive of how you are feeling (been there myself with my first, and that wasn't during a global lockdown) but you did your best moment to moment given the conditions you were dealt. I think it's normal (though not deserved) to feel some guilt and some loss.

Hope there is some chance of trying again, if that's what you want.

It sounds like you went through a really difficult birth. My birth was straightforward and I struggled with breastfeeding. As a PP said relactation might be possible if you want to try but don't beat yourself up, it seems so important at the time but looking back I got myself too worked up about it

Thanks everyone for your support, I'm looking into relactation now but not sure if I'm just setting myself up for disappointment?

Please don't let the world make you feel guilty about this. I struggled for weeks with DD but when we switched to bottle, we were both so much happier and feeding in a satisfying way made us both happier and improved our bond. I did make it work second time around with DS, but I don't feel a moment's guilt about DD. She was (and remains) very healthy, both she and her brother have very seldom been ill, so please don't think bottle = less healthy/resilient.

My nieces are both bottle fed and like my daughter are both happy, very intelligent and healthy, they are in now way disadvantaged compared to my son!

Try relactation op. At least then you will have tried it all. You have birth during lockdown in a pandemic! You hero.

I'm sorry. You haven't let your baby down. The people who should have been there for you sound like they let you down, but that absolutely is not your responsibility.
Relactation is possible, but difficult. I would never tell anyone that they should or shouldn't attempt it but would urge anyone considering it to read as much as possible beforehand and speak to an expert. That is almost certainly not a MW or HV and probably not a "standard" breastfeeding supporter either to be honest. I would be looking for a qualified Lactation Consultant (IBCLC), a very experienced LLL leader or similar were I to consider relactation. It certainly can be a very positive and healing thing for some women but also the potential to make things worse if it doesn't go well and the Mum has insufficient support.
Either way, talking to an IBCLC or good bf supporter may help you decide what to do next and help you feel more comfortable about things. Sometimes just figuring out why things went the way they did is really helpful, even if you decide not to change anything.
There is a lot more to being a good mum than how you feed your baby, so be kind to yourself and focus on the positives.

I was/am in a similar situation, throughout my pregnancy my plan was to breastfeed but I too needed forceps and had an episiotomy she was facing the wrong way and needed to be turned round, after 25 hours of labour and an hour and a half of pushing before they realised. I really struggled with it and she was screaming so I just have her a bottle and regreted it a lot. I tried when I got home and she latched and took some but with no support I struggled. But she is so happy and healthy, all we can do is do the best for them!! Your LO I’m sure is very happy and healthy, motherhood can be hard enough without beating yourself up, you tried your best💗

I had a similar experience in terms of help with DD 7 years ago: no help or support whatsoever despite begging; literally no one even looked in DD's mouth, not even at the breastfeeding group. I eventually gave up at 6 weeks and from daily visits from the health visitor I never saw her face again. It was like my DD was no longer a baby she needed to give a toss about. (And yes I'm still very bitter about the whole experience).
I also looked into lactation after it was confirmed DD had a nasty lip tie, hence the agony for me. But by then she was happy and thriving on formula and it would have been for me, not her, had I done it.

Congratulations on your baby OP; if he is happy and thriving I'm not sure I'd beat myself up any more about it.

Congratulations on your new baby!

I'm sorry you didn't get the help you needed. I suspect a lot of new mums during lockdown feel the same way as you.

Fed is best, whether it's by formula, expressed milk or formula. I read a book called "French children don't throw food" and it talks a lot about how the French (or perhaps Parisians) are discouraged from breastfeeding. It's changed my way of thinking, and now I may formula feed the next baby.

If you have another baby down the line I hope breastfeeding works out for you, but for now, your baby is happy :) Hope you're okay, OP!

redshift, you did the best you could under the circumstances. Please don't beat yourself up about it, some people don't even try or want to! Others just can't.

As long as your baby is healthy and thriving, why worry. It sounds as though you're dong great.

Please don’t feed bad. BF doesn’t work out for lots of people for lots of different reasons and having a first baby in pandemic with little to no support is bound to lead to a LOT of people in your situation.

FWIW I’m not sure relactation is the answer. It will be a LOT of work, may not be successful and will likely be costly with pumps, consultants etc. If your DD is happy and thriving with the bottle I would continue with that and try to come to terms with the guilt (I couldn’t bf my first and found lots of reassuring info- read Cribsheet! A great book) and find other ways you can be the best parent you can be. BF isn’t the be all and end all!

Feel bad!! Not feed bad. Jesus 🤦🏼‍♀️