Debating 3rd baby - welcome advice or experience

[Bruce2]

Hi there

I don't normally post on these forums but I'm hoping ladies could give me some past experience or thoughts.

We currently have 2 children together
One naturally conceived and another via IVF (both ours)
We have 6 years between then due to the fertility issues we experienced ttc no.2
We always wanted 3 children, for us it seemed the perfect number
However we have a few concerns about going for IVF again to try for no. 3

1. Our eldest has ADHD and ODD - now it's not awful and we're currently getting medication to help manage. Yes the eldest can be difficult at times and takes a lot of the focus in the family dynamic but we make sure our second child gets a lot of 1 on 1 time with us so they don't feel left out. She's a very happy, easy, content little thing. Nursery have no concerns she has ADHD and say she's very ready for school socially and emotionally.

1. We have big age gaps so between 1 & 2 there are 6 years. If we had a third there would be almost 5 years between 2 & 3.

So effectively we would have a 10.5 year old, an almost 5 year old and a newborn. Our 2 do play together (not all the time, and do bicker like normal siblings I imagine) I just worry that having them all so spread out they'll never be close

1. Cost. We live in south east and rent is high as is childcare.

We have given our eldest a lot of opportunity. Tutors to help with schoolwork as they're so distracted in class they fall behind. I worry that we won't be able to same for the others (who may not need it mind you!) then they grow up to resent us for not giving them the same focus.

1. Age - I'll be 36 this year and wonder if I should just call it a day

Any advice or guidance in these issues would be much appreciated

Thanks

@3isntacrowd how is it rude to want people to take responsibility and think about more than just themselves?

@Bruce2 I think your being very polite to people who are clearly very rude.
As I've said previously, it is entirely your choice don't let negative people put you off having another child.
If I were you I'd delete this thread and you and your husband decide what's right for you!
No one has the right to tell you not to have a child to save the planet, that's ridiculous!

@Mirrorxx I don't think anyone has the right to tell someone not to have a child! @Bruce2 having a third child is going to make no difference whatsoever.

@Mirrorxx I'm so sorry I apologise I misread your comment. I thought you were being negative but I've realised what you meant was to think of how bad the planet is

This may sound bad. I have three children and as much as I love them all and wouldn't change them for the world I would have stuck at 2. Having 3 is just more difficult. My lot are older now 9,12 and 15 but when they were younger going to farms and things tickets are usually only for families of 4. Getting 3 car seats in the back of my fiat punto was a nightmare and generally I find one is always left out. Also when they are young any spare moment you have to yourself is gone.

Like I say I wouldn't change them for the world now they are here but it's not what I thought it would be.

@Bettercallgall

This may sound bad. I have three children and as much as I love them all and wouldn't change them for the world I would have stuck at 2. Having 3 is just more difficult. My lot are older now 9,12 and 15 but when they were younger going to farms and things tickets are usually only for families of 4. Getting 3 car seats in the back of my fiat punto was a nightmare and generally I find one is always left out. Also when they are young any spare moment you have to yourself is gone.

Like I say I wouldn't change them for the world now they are here but it's not what I thought it would be.

I appreciate your honesty. It's refreshing to hear someone speak candidly about the downsides after they've had a third. Thank you I'll take your thoughts on board

@Bruce2 I have recently just had a third baby (3 weeks old) and have children of similar ages 5 and 9. I am fortunate not to suffer from fertility issues so cannot comment on things from that point of view but wanted to say you should truly do what you feel is best. My eldest also has SEN not severe and his behaviour is fine but he can be demanding he is also due to go to middle school this September so really timing couldn't be any worse with a newborn, covid and transitioning schools. I'm not going to lie it is hard! But I do not regret my decision one bit. I have plenty of support which really helps.

After my second I 100% said I would never have another but I couldn't shake this feeling of wanting a third. Now I truly feel my family is complete. Just wanted to give you my experience 😊 xxx

[quote Lj199024]@Bruce2 I have recently just had a third baby (3 weeks old) and have children of similar ages 5 and 9. I am fortunate not to suffer from fertility issues so cannot comment on things from that point of view but wanted to say you should truly do what you feel is best. My eldest also has SEN not severe and his behaviour is fine but he can be demanding he is also due to go to middle school this September so really timing couldn't be any worse with a newborn, covid and transitioning schools. I'm not going to lie it is hard! But I do not regret my decision one bit. I have plenty of support which really helps.

After my second I 100% said I would never have another but I couldn't shake this feeling of wanting a third. Now I truly feel my family is complete. Just wanted to give you my experience 😊 xxx[/quote]
That's lovely to hear, I'm glad it all worked out well for your family.
thank you for sharing.
Nice to hear from a mum with big age gaps too :)

I think it would be ok either way. 36 is not really old and there are possible plus points like you say of a sibling for your middle child to relate to more. That could benefit her more in adulthood as well. Your eldest liked the idea of a baby too. There's obviously a risk of sen but that's the same for everyone.

@Spinakker

I think it would be ok either way. 36 is not really old and there are possible plus points like you say of a sibling for your middle child to relate to more. That could benefit her more in adulthood as well. Your eldest liked the idea of a baby too. There's obviously a risk of sen but that's the same for everyone.

That's a lovely message thank you We've booked a consultation at Clinic to discuss our options. See what they say. Not getting hopes up and we may pull out but hoping for a happy outcome xxx