Anyone else feeling forgotten about?

[CloeDee]

Hi everyone,

My we girl is 3 months old, none of my family have met her yet due to lockdown, obviously we can do garden visits but no one has bothered? not even my mum and she stays 2 minutes in the car from us...
my dad and step mum have been coming round often but that's the only people
Just feeling a bit down as I know you do feel isolated normally with a baby but expected my mum to stop by and see us, we won't see her unless we stop by hers, but with the restrictions there's only so long we can stay without her needing a bottle ect and not really practical since we can't go in

Why’s your mum not putting the effort to come round? Is she in a vulnerable group / working in a covid hotspot?

Sorry to hear you're experiencing this.

If they won't come to you and you want to.aee them, what is the reason you can't have a bottle there? If you're doing any breastfeeding, this is the kid of situation where it can work well (with a cover, if you feel shy), or otherwise you can get a new Tommee Tippee travel bottle warmer for under a tenner, or just take a thermos with some boiled water, bottle with some cooled bottle water, some powder and make up there. Nappy changes can also be done outside.

Hope you manage to make it work.

Have you explicitly invited them? Lots of people are still being v cautious with their newborns, maybe your family think you wouldn't want to risk it yet?

Have you asked your mum why she hasn't been? There might be a simple reason here.

@OnlyFoolsnMothers
no she dosnt work and not in the vulnerable group, she's only 38 so she's not old either

@Stuckforthefourthtime
I can go there, I do go there to visit her but the reason I'm upset is it I never went and visited her I wouldn't see her and she dosnt come to see me really, I've been struggling with postnatal depression and just feeling really down, I tried speak to her about it and thought she would of made more of an effort with me now that my partners working again but she's not been

@SomeoneElseEntirelyNow
yeah I have asked her to come see us for a change a couple times, I do go down and see her but if I never went and seen her I just wouldnt see her as she dosnt make an effort to see us really and I don't really understand why

That’s awful of your mum- What’s her reason?
As for friends- it can be tricky knowing what others are comfortable with, maybe don’t take that personally, ask them round for a coffee in the garden.

Have you asked her? Sat down and said "Mum, you seem really reluctant to come over and see the baby. Is everything OK? It would be lovely if you could come by
I'm struggling and could really do with some help from my mum right now."

Do you usually have a good relationship with her, is she happy to be a Grandma etc?

Have you asked her? If not Send her a message does she fancy popping round for a cuppa and a chat in the garden

Oh cross posted you have asked, how about a walk or a picnic out together?

@SomeoneElseEntirelyNow
yeah I've sat her down and asked before and it turned into an argument, we've never had the best relationship no she's a very stubborn and argumentative person and I'm the opposite I'm really laid back, when I first told her I was pregnant she wasn't happy no she cried for 3 days but did start to come round eventually, even when I was pregnant I had a difficult pregnancy I had gestational diabeties and had to go to physio for back problems, I don't drive and worked up until 37 weeks so by the time I got home I just wanted to lie on the couch, she only came and visited me twice my full pregnancy, I did go see her but by the time I got to 35 weeks I only went to work and home

OK, i think you need to accept that this is who your mum is, and make your peace with the fact that this is the relationship you have. You can't force her to be interested in the baby, and trying will just make you miserable. Let it go! Out of interest, why was she so upset about you being pregnant!?

On a side note, talk to your HV or GP about your PND as soon as you can, there is a LOT of help available, and there's no reason for you to suffer if you don't have to.

@Makesmilingyourbesthobby
I have honestly done all this, I've invited her round for coffee in the garden or to come a walk with me with the pram but never works, I just feel like the bad one for not going to visit her but I do think to myself it shouldn't be like that it should be equal effort

@SomeoneElseEntirelyNow

Yeah I think I need to just accept it it is hard though,
I fell pregnant when I was 20 so she said I was to young and my life was over basically and she never wanted this for me
but me and my partner have been together since I was 17, we both work and have our own house, she was a surprise baby but a good surprise but she never seen it that way

Does she have any other grandchildren or do you have any other brother or sisters what’s her relationship like with them? I’m another that thinks sadly you will have to accept this is your relationship and accept that it will always be you making the effort, different I know but my eldest sister expects everyone to make the effort for her and help with whatever shes got going on or be there for her but does nothing for anyone else and makes no effort at all for anyone in our family, many of my family stopped bothering years ago and if it wasn’t for niece I would of done the same, I don’t take any of my children to theirs because of how she treats them but do pop in myself just to see my niece, they see their cousin when cousin comes here, I accepted years ago it’s this way and just leave sister to it, decades later though I do find it rather amusing when she posts stuff on social media moaning about our family and having digs here and there because apparently ‘she’s the one left out’, have you a friend or family member you could ask round for that cuppa instead?