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Original poster

How to deal with jealous 2 year old

10 replies

JPM · 13/10/2004 00:05

I have a 2 year old DS and 6 month old DD. DS is incredibly jealous of DD. We're always very careful to ensure that DS gets as much (if not more) attention than DD but he always seems to be hitting, pinching, laying on top of, pressing eyes!! etc of DD. Thing is, she seems to adore him and is always laughing at him until the last minute when he hurts her so you'd think that he'd be different with her. We always seem to be telling him off and passifying her. We even pretend to tell her off sometimes when she touches him just to even it out a bit and so that he doesn't feel vindicated. Anyone have any advice?? The worse times are when we are out - at home I remove him from the room if he's naughty but when they're in the double buggy or a shopping trolley there is not a lot I can do and the more I seem to tell him off the more he hits her. What can I do? Does he really dislike her that much or is it just his age (2.2)?

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blossomhill · 13/10/2004 00:12

My ds did this for a very short time. He was 19 months when dd was born. I would say ignore as much as you can and if you are home distract with a toy or puzzle. If you can see him about to hit dd don't tell him off just say "no, why don't we play with the playdough/cars/draw a picture etc instead. If you are out could you not keep a little stash of food, drinks a toy to distract. Children will do anything for attention even if it is negative!
It worked really well with my ds. They love each other to bits now at 5 and nearly 7. They still fight occasionally though!

Socci · 13/10/2004 00:25

Message withdrawn

WestCountryLass · 13/10/2004 21:18

Positive reinforcement all the way! Really praise him up when he is lovely with her and when he starts to get a bit rough try and distract him or redirect him to playing with somebody/thing else. Try to ignore any bad behaviour, although that is easier said than done. I have found that when I do tell my DS off for being rough, when things go too far, he is generally qite mortified he has hurt his sister and kisses her and gives her a big hug.

Good luck!

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handlemecarefully · 13/10/2004 22:03

I'd go with Westcountrylass - positive reinforcement. Really go overboard with enthusiasm when he plays nicely with her - worked a treat with my 2 year old (who is fine with her 6 month old brother now). Also I 'brainwashed' 2 year old by frequently telling her things like:

"Look your baby brother is looking at you / smiling at you ; he thinks you're great"....

"Your baby brother really loves you..."

she bought it I think!

dot1 · 14/10/2004 13:01

We're struggling here aswell - we're doing ALL the things suggested - absolutely tons of positive reinforcement. Constantly telling older ds1 (who's nearly 3) how clever he is and good with his baby brother (who's 6 months), and how his baby brother adores him - which he does - but he's just so jealous of him. We give ds1 loads of attention - as much 1 : 1 as possible, and ds2 is usually happy just to sit and watch him anyway - is fortunately an easy baby when he's not hungry/tired..! But it still doesn't seem enough.... Ds1 will push him over - and admit it - or will just lie on the floor and cry, which is completely heartbreaking...

Hope this phase passes quickly 'cos we really don't know what to do to make it better...

throckenholt · 14/10/2004 13:21

try sitting down and talking to him - ask him what he is feeling when does these things to her. Work out with him a number of suggestions for alternative actions - try and let him suggest them (maybe write it down - apparently it is supposed to impress them!), then agree on an alternative action. And maybe write it down and stick it on the wall - maybe with a picture as well.

Then when he does is it again point him to the picture and remind him what was agreed (something silly like maybe running to the backdoor and back again ?).

It might begin to work over time.

prufrock · 14/10/2004 13:23

Try redirecting his need to be physical with her into nice physical things. We encouraged dd to tickle ds's toes, stroke his head (with the back of her hand - makes it quite difficulty to be rough) and tickle his tummy.

secur · 14/10/2004 16:56

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dot1 · 15/10/2004 10:53

we're doing the ignore bad behaviour thing with ds1, and time out in his room if he's been really naughty, but I have to say it's not a complete success in that he keeps doing naughty things and ds2 has been here for 6 months now..!

I'm thinking it's just a phase and we will get through it, using all the tactics everyone's mentioned - Throckenholt I tried yours last night - got ds1 to agree to run to the kitchen door 3 times when he felt angry/sad. So he did it straight away - he was starting to go into a mood - and it worked!! But when he got moody again and I reminded him, he wouldn't do it...

I don't know - moody toddlers - aarrggghhh!!

rosielee · 15/10/2004 15:51

I agree with the positive reinforcement messages - we kept going on about how baby loved her brother, was gazing at him, etc. Also we apologised a lot to ds for the fact that I couldn't give him as much time as before. When we first started doing positive reinforcement when they were slightly older, it felt crazy, because we were saying 'you two are playing so nicely together' when it was only a fraction of time in an otherwise fraught 24 hours. However, unbelievably it worked. Mine are now 10 and 6, and we still have private discussions with ds about how tedious it can be to have an annoying little sister, because it is actually hard on him, and he does still have to take a back seat sometimes. However, he does see all the advantages of being older. I also think it ends up being easier if they are of different genders - eg dd's (age 6)handwriting is better than ds'(age 10) but we say girls often like writing better than boys.

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