Scared of trying for baby number two

[LittleBeansMum]

My DD is 18 months old, and my husband has been hinting for us to start trying for baby number two for a while now. Before I got pregnant with DD, we always said we would like there to be a small gap between any children that we had. And I still like the idea in principle of having children close in age.

I have had such a wonderful experience being a mum - it came very naturally and I've genuinely loved it. All the "stories" that people INSIST on telling you 😂 before you have your first baby about how difficult it's going to be, just didn't turn out to be true in our case and I know we're very lucky.

When I think about having another child I start to get really anxious, which is strange because I didn't really feel very nervous before we tried for our first.

I think the difference is this... with my first, I know that when she cries there hasn't been anything else I've been doing that hasn't been able to be dropped. So I can comfort her or give her a cuddle. And I know that when I have another baby my attention will be divided and at some point there will be two children crying and I'll have to choose which one to go to.

I think because I've had such a lovely experience the first time around it's making me really nervous about "rocking the boat" and introducing a new change into our lives.

And to make it worse, everyone keeps joking that my DD is so chilled and easy that the next one is bound to be a very demanding baby which I find terrifying!

Has anyone had a similar experience of an easy baby the first time round and a real terror of it not being the same the next time round? How did you get past it?

Yep and I often wish I'd stuck at one.

Second didn't sleep or wouldn't go to anyone else. I got PND and it's been very stressful.

Child is now 7 and a delight BUT still immensely hard work and demanding.

My first wasn't as easy as you are saying I was promised that second babies are so relaxed because they have to fit with your routine due to older one. It would drop off anywhere, chill in their car seat whilst older one did activities etc. Not here!! . New baby just about ruled everything because I was destroyed.

I did have lovely calm easy hypno birth with second though. 😊

It's a tough choice to make- good luck.

We are the opposite. DD cried all day for basically 18 months! Result of a undiagnosed dairy allergy in the beginning and then she was just generally very hyper active- she definitely hated being a baby.

We said never again at the time but she’s 2 soon and now things are just amazing! I can’t wait to try for a second as I know we can get through it and everything is a phase. BUT right now I’m just enjoying her, I love her little personality and I just want it to be the three of us for a while longer.

Could you wait a bit longer and have a bigger age gap?

I guess in a way, even thought things were so bad I’m lucky because I just know if we had another baby it just couldn’t be worse than DD haha- so at least she broke us in nicely.

Every baby is different and if things are harder the second time then just know that you will get through it and come out the other side. It’s for a short time in the scheme of things then your family is complete!

We're the opposite... We had such a tough baby first time round! I'm currently 37 weekend pregnant with my second and he's become utterly delightful over the past few months so it seems rather a shame to rock the boat now that we finally feel lile life is so much easier... I know most people say toddlers are tougher than babies but we have had the exact opposite experience of that. Our children will.have a 21 month age gap. I've always wanted them to have a small age gap because I think that it will be easier in the long run once the difficulties of the first year of two are out of the way, and I love the idea of them each having a playmate so close in age- I'm only a year older then my brother and we grew up so close and did everything together. However, if you are worried, why not wait a while? There are definite pros and cons of both decisions and only you and your husband can work out what will work best for your family!

@LittleBeansMum

I'm feeling exactly the same as you right now. We've always said we would ideally like a 2 year age gap, and as DS is nearly 11 months, it feels like we need to start thinking about this seriously soon.

I've really enjoyed motherhood so far too and whenever anyone sees, they can't help tell me I've been lucky to have such a low maintenance baby and that the next one will be a nightmare. I know they're 'joking' (It's usually accompanied with a smug look) but it still makes me feel very nervous about the idea.

I’ve recently had my second baby and am finding it bloody hard. I didn’t have an easy first baby though, I had a colicky, refluxy nightmare who almost destroyed my mental health. To say I was nervous about having a second is an understatement. There is a 2.5 year gap between DD and DS. DS is slightly easier than DD was but he’s far from the easygoing, chilled second baby that so many people talk about. I can’t put him down for most of the day, and DD is slap-bang in the middle of the terrible twos so there are a lot of tantrums. Then when DD goes to bed DS gets colicky so I get virtually no time to myself. It’s a phase though and I know it’ll get easier in time.

So to sum up, yes it will probably be a big shock to the system, particularly as you are used to an easygoing, happy baby. But you might get another one of those, and if you want two children then it’s something you just have to go through.

I had a fairly easy first baby and that probably contributed to our decision to have another 20 months later. DC2 was much trickier; hated the car, hated the pushchair, wouldn’t sleep on his back or lie on a blanket.

It was incredibly tough and I felt huge guilt for ignoring DC1 a lot BUT they adore each other now (4 and 5) and play constantly. He is the best gift we could ever have given her and all that guilt vanished when things settled down at the end of the first year. Now we have a third.

@LittleBeansMum I'm having exactly the same dilemma although ds is only 8 months so I've got a while to think about it! He's an absolute dream baby, never fusses, sleeps through and is such a happy little soul it makes me nervous as he has set the bar really high! Plus I came through childbirth unscathed (no stretch marks /incontinence etc) and I just know if I have another they will be a nightmare baby who will leave me damaged... Think we are leaning to just having the one...