Dealing with the ex!

[LJsun]

I have 2 children with my ex (9 and 13) and we've been split up 5 years. I'm remarried and expecting a baby with my husband (4yrs together) later on this year.
The children are absolutely ecstatic and can't wait to have a new sibling, they call my new husband dad too and absolutely adore him as he does them.
Ex and his new girlfriend haven't been very involved in the kids lives and always made excuses as to why they can't have them etc and the kids know the girlfriend doesn't like them and always goes out when they are there. It's been like this for 2 years until they found out I was pregnant!!
Now all of a sudden the girlfriend wants the kids to live there and keeps telling my children that they will have to move in with her when the baby comes as I won't have time for them and the baby will just cry all of the time.
It's like they are trying to make them jealous of the baby before it's arrived.
We've made the kids involved in every decision regarding the baby, names, nursery furniture, clothes, pushchair etc so luckily they don't feel left out but they are upset about what dad and girlfriend are doing.
I've spoke to ex about it and he says the kids are lying?? Now the kids don't want to go at all, personally I think they are old enough to make that decision but What would you do?

Id listen to your kids if i were you. Is there a court order in place?

@SomeoneElseEntirelyNow I'm definitely listening to the kids, I know kids fib but the fact they cried about it and DS had tummy ache with worry tells me they are telling the truth.
There is no court order as I really don't want to go down that route.
Do you think they are old enough to make the decision as to wether they want to go there or not?

If it went to court then they would take into account the views of the children but then your children would need to be involved in a court case that involves them effectively "choosing" between their parents which can be traumatic for them.

Try to talk to your ex again. Maybe with the help of a mediator. Make it clear that you value his relationship with the children but you won't tolerate them being emotionally hurt and that includes any attempts at alienation.

I also think that a relationship with their father should be encouraged. Children who have a good relationship with both parents do tend to be better off. However, the children should always be believed and centered. So make it clear to them that they are allowed to love and want to see dad and his girlfriend and ask them if there is anything you can help them with that would make this easier for them, but also that you will support them with whatever decision they make.

@AmericanAdventure exactly my reasoning for not wanting to go to court.
I'll try the latter option xx

@AmericanAdventure yes I totally agree I'd never stop them going and always encourage them even when he's let them down (like cancelling the holiday he was taking them on and rebooking to go with just his girlfriend)
Anyway that's besides the point, it's about the kids and how they feel not about my feelings towards them

Maybe remind him parental alienation is now an offence. Either he stfu or you wil seek legal advice. My exh told my dc my new baby was disabled because I was so evil... They were scared to come see ds..
They went nc with exh as soon as they had the guts. 12 +14. They don't even visit him and haven't for over 3 years.
Keep all messages and keep a diary.. Make notes of what your dc have told you..
But most of all don't let him spoil your pregnancy.. If need be get a cheap phone just for contact with him and block off your proper phone. Very liberating...

The relationship with dad needs to be encouraged but may be as well to have it out in the open say 'we're all excited about the new baby the kids are as well ' and discuss it like that in front of them at pick up We can't wait can we kids and we've picked this this and this together so we're all getting involved and interested . Wouldn't want you to think otherwise would we kids ? They'll know what your getting at .

@Sunnydayshereatlast wow! How evil to say that.
Definitely keep all texts and I won't speak to him over the phone as I have no record

@Soozikinzii I wish this would work, I will try it but it will fall on deaf ears.

If there's no court order, AFAIK you can stop contact and he'll have to take you to mediation and court to get it back. Do you think he's likely to bother with that?

@SomeoneElseEntirelyNow ha it's very doubtful.
I hope it doesn't get to that stage as I want the kids to have a relationship but I will not force my kids to go if they are unhappy