I don't want a 3rd child

[Hughsie91]

I'll try and keep this short.
When I was 19, I had my daughter. Her father and I separated but get on well. When she was 5, I married a great man and we have had a little boy. Whilst juggling being a mum, I've also got a good job and I'm in university training as a RN. My husband would like a 3rd baby, and I don't. I struggled with PND and had a hard labour with our son. I've been a mum nearly 10 years now, and I finally feel I am at a point in my life where things are getting easier and I am doing something for "me" as I enjoy my job and my training. Am I unreasonable not to want to have a 3rd baby? I'd struggle with childcare/bedrooms/extra finances. My husband sees it as company for our little boy when my daughter is at her dads. That makes me feel guilty for saying no.

YANBU. Both parents should want to have a baby - if one of them doesn't then they get the casting vote. Hard for the other one to accept maybe, but it's only fair.

No way would I have a 3rd baby in those circumstances. No fucking way.

You've done your baby years. Focus on your training and career. You'll have less money and less time and less opportunities. Just no way!

Tell your husband he can get a puppy if he wants your son to have company!

Fine for him to say this, it won't be affecting his life much.
Its ludicrous to say have another baby to keep the first one "company". They may not even like each other.
What if you have a disabled or autistic child that disrupts your entire life and means you'll be a carer forever, what about your training? You have to think of all eventualities.
It would be a very firm NO from me.

I'd struggle with childcare/bedrooms/extra finances.

Why do you struggle with it and he doesn't? Does that mean that it's all down to you?

Cats are good! Soft to stroke, mainly look after themselves. Recommend a cat to your other half!

I feel I think logically and he just thinks things will work them selves out - because I have to sort them! I am the one who has to find reliable childcare, take them to and from school on my way to work and juggle the kids and my studies. He just has to get up, sort himself out, leave for work and when he comes home the house is clean and dinner is waiting. It's so much easier for him. Not me. I worry about space - our house isn't that big. He doesn't think it's an issue and he thinks if we had another I'd cope fine like I do with the 2 I have now. I don't see why I should have another. I'm finally at a place where life is getting easier and more enjoyable. It's definitely a no from me and I won't feel guilty for my decision any longer. Thank you for hearing me out!

@Isthisfinallyit

I'd struggle with childcare/bedrooms/extra finances.

Why do you struggle with it and he doesn't? Does that mean that it's all down to you?

I definitely sort everything myself. Driving to and from childcare/school runs. Everything is left to me while he works all day. I'm doing it alone during the week.

You are not being unreasonable at all! Your reasons are far more sensible than your DH's reason.

Well he sounds like a right waste of air

Don't get a puppy or kitten then because you'll end up running around after that too!

I think, two is good enough for us. Raising kids with right kind of resources, peace of mind and with a healthy body is very important. For us two are enough so thought to share my experience here.

Maybe you need to back off from doing all this childcare and wife work. He'll need to do it if he wants another baby - won't he?

If I were you, I'd be wondering why he suddenly wants to have you tied to the home, domestic work, and childcare just as you're about to gain some independence, complete your studies and earn your own money. Does that have any resonance for you?

Meantime, be extra careful with contraception, doubling up with it is a good idea.

@Angelonia

You are not being unreasonable at all! Your reasons are far more sensible than your DH's reason.

Well said

Unfortunately for your husband, the person who doesn't want another one should be the deciding factor.

I wanted one more, my husband did not and he had a vasectomy. No bad feeling over it.

Fuck no.
YANBU.
Is he quite controlling, then?

YANBU, v sensible in your circumstances not to have DC3.

Your H should be doing much more parenting and domestic work for your existing family!

If you don't want another baby, you don't have one. You are the person who would have to be pregnant, bear the child and adjust your life. Your little boy will be fine without a sibling to play with his sister isn't there, it's not all the time. Anyway he will make friends. Plenty of people have only one child who grow up fine and have a good social network.

Your husband is being unfair. Unless he is prepared to give up work for a time and be a SAHD.

Why don't you say that you'll consider it, if he agrees to do all the stuff you're currently doing? Set a trial period of 3 months, make him do everything, and then see if he wants a 3rd child after all that

Would he be willing to share maternity leave and work around childcare? If not he has absolutely no right to ask you to sacrifice you body.

Set a trial period of 3 months, make him do everything, and then see if he wants a 3rd child after all that

She doesn't want a 3rd child. Setting any kinds of tests for him will only result in future arguments. If he pulls out all the stops and manages to keep things going for three months, then he'll expect her to get knocked up and he'll go back to normal.

Usually in these types of threads someone will pipe up that the other person has every right to walk away and get their longed for child via a new partner. I hope that doesn't pop up here. His whole argument is that it would be nice for his DS to have company.

Perhaps he could be that company Has that occurred to him?

We had a rocky patch last year when I felt our relationship was struggling. I was bored. Our life consisted of kids kids kids, no date nights, romance, fun. Even his texts to me during work breaks were the same each day. Basically copying and pasting the messages from the day before. I don't know if he thinks another baby will bring us closer. I'm currently on the mini pill and have no intention of conceiving. I suffered terrible morning sickness when pregnant and caring for 2 children, studying and working would be impossible. I feel relieved to even discuss my situation. And not feel guilty about it!

You sound very clear so keep saying a firm NO. And YY to making sure contraception is failsafe. I don't understand the guilt thing though, why should you feel guilty? I hear that so often on here. It's time for you now :)

I feel guilty because he wants another biological child and its me stopping that from happening. But, I'm sure he can wait until I'm ready! I am already worn out from these kids, uni and work. On top of running the house! A 3rd baby would be an absolute nightmare! He has a son, he should just focus on him and give him the best life while I work toward a better future for us and a bigger home, holidays and opportunities!