Touched out

[chocolatesweets]

Someones I feel touched out by everyone. I have toddler twins and I'm a sahm. Sometimes I just can't handle being touched anymore. Then my dh gives me a cuddle and it's just too much.

I’ve absolutely been there and I’ve not even got it as full on as you. My dh absolutely couldn’t understand it I had to keep explaining. It’s very hard.

What helped me was:

• making time to be completely alone on an evening, even if it was just an hour bath and tv
• getting a massage (who has time!? This took a lot of co ordination, and obviously you couldn’t do this at the moment. I did it on a Saturday daytime while DH had DD And it made so much difference if only temporary. You feel like your body is yours again!
• planning one on one time with DH, again childcare dependent and we only manage to do this if DD is asleep. We used to take the occasional day off when she was at nursery but understand you are a sahm. Is there anyone around you who could help? I’d make it clear to DH that we could only be physical on my terms and I know how selfish that sounded but it would help us in the long run.
• counselling. Sometimes to talk things over and change your mindset on things can really help. Not paid private, maybe just a free referral to talk to someone. It’s a big step but could really change how you feel.
• start small. Explain to your DH that this is a real thing, and just start by being more verbal telling each other how much you appreciate one another etc. How is he feeling about it? Have you explained to him that it must be hard for him too? (Not trivialising your feelings though, just showing understanding)

Oh crickey. I felt all touched out some days when DD was a toddler, and there was just the one of her! (I’ve got 2 on the way though, so getting ready for it to be even tougher!)

My DH didn’t really get it, he did try but he hadn’t experienced it. I didn’t want to stop breastfeeding or cosleeping, but I definitely hit a time when it all seemed too much, and I was getting out to work 2 days a week, so at least I got some time off!

Can you get some time off? I imagine it’s particularly tough at the moment. When DD was a toddler, we started building up more “daddy time” activities - he took DD to church on Sunday mornings (gave me a whole 2 hours! Bliss!), started taking her to the playground more often etc. I know options are limited at the moment, but can he take your twins out for a walk to some open space?