How can I make my 17yr old DS more pro-active

[user1471543683]

My DS is 17 and about to do his final year at school. He has no idea what he wants to do and really isn't that bothered about it. He's a good lad, never gives us any bother but is VERY quiet and lacking in confidence. After spending lockdown inside I feel it would be good for him to get a part-time job to help him gain confidence. He just isn't interested and does nothing about it. I just wish he was a bit more positive and active about trying new things. How can I encourage him to get out of his comfort zone? He only costs me his phone (£8per month) so it's not like he costs me a fortune, but just to get him out and experience life a bit. It's not helped by his good friend being the complete opposite to him and he's went out and got a job, is outgoing and knows exactly how he sees his future.

What are his responsibilities at home? He should be doing his own laundry, helping with housework, cooking, etc.

Hi, I'm 18, so I can kind of relate. Although I'm not in the same boat at all, I got a job and moved out ASAP because I didn't want to be doing nothing/living in my parent's house with nothing to offer. Since he still has another year at school I would leave him until he's done that. I had a part time job while balancing school for my last year and definetely ruined everything and put way too much pressure on me. But after that, maybe if you make him see how unattractive it is to be in that situation? Especially if he isn't giving much in return. Maybe you should tell him, that by letting him stay at home and looking after him somewhat he needs to give something on his end, and you expect him to start looking for a job.

My mum had the same issue with my brothers and they went well into their 20's without searching for jobs or giving anything back because they were being looked after for free at home! So she ended up telling them they would have to either find education or start paying a sort of mini rent to her. So one crashed a college course (at least it was something lol) and the other got a job. That could perhaps work too :)