Just need to vent really and hope what I'm feeling isn't unusual and someone might have some advice!
DD has just turned 3, DS is almost 5 months, so when he was roughly 6 weeks old we went into lockdown. Prior to his birth, and indeed afterwards before lockdown, DD enjoyed going to lots of toddler classes and playdates, the usual soft play/playground trips, we were always out and busy even if it was just a trip to sainsbury's and a quick stop to feed the ducks etc. Even a week after having DS, we were hareing around soft play together and he was put in the pram and taken along to her dance class etc because I wanted to try and keep things normal for her.
Obviously lockdown then began so we then had no choice but to stay home other than our daily walks.
She has always been a genuinely lovely little girl, never really misbehaved and very kind and caring. Since lockdown she has literally stopped listening to a word I say, will regularly say she doesn't love me, will do things she didn't really do before like refuse to brush her teeth, after bath time will run and hide in bed rather than let me dry her/get her pyjamas on etc, basically every single thing is a battle, DS is usually crying and I end up losing my shit and then she says she doesnt want grumpy mummy and she wants daddy etc. OH works really long hours so usually by myself.
I know there's been so much for her to adjust to,not being able to do all her usual fun activities and having a new sibling is massive.
I feel like I'm losing our bond, sometimes its like I don't know who she is any more she's behaving so differently.
Since lockdown began to ease we have gone out at least a few times a week to meet friends in the park which she has enjoyed. Once we get home she's back to this new behaviour though.
Poor DS meanwhile basically gets put on his playmat and ignored, unless he's on the boob or having his nappy changed I feel like I barely get to interact with him as I am constantly trying to sort DD out or having to attend to piles of washing/making a meal/cleaning up after a meal. Its just the basics its not like I even get a chance to do the rest of the housework unless I do it late in the evening, so my house is rank as well!
I feel like neither of my kids are getting anywhere near what they need and I spend my whole day basically firefighting, just getting the basics done and surviving rather than enjoying anything.
DD is due to start nursery in September and although I think in many ways this will be a positive thing for her and will mean DS gets some one on one time, I also have this horrible feeling of thats it, no more time at home with me, that precious time has run out and the relationship it took so long to feel we had (PND) now feels ruined. Meanwhile I'm barely getting to know DS.