@Esxxx
Hey girls just looking for advice as I can’t really find any online so basically I’m 32 weeks and the babies dad has only just decided he wants to be involved after not being there since day one and at 12 weeks I found out he was cheating our whole relationship so can’t really stand him too much I’m willing to be civil for the baby but he keeps moving the conversation from about the baby to flirting with me and us meeting up to go ‘baby shopping’ Now hes talking about when he’s on paternity leave he cant wait to spend time with US BOTH? But I’m sure I’ve heard people say it’s not good to separate baby from mum so will I actually have to be around him a lot? or at what age can she see him without me I just would rather as less contact between me and him as possible he likes to cause drama and wind me up it’s exhausting and I feel so uncomfortable when he talks to me about stuff that’s not to do with the baby what do I do?
I bet this has been a really tough time for you.
This ‘man’ really hasn’t grown up or understands the magnitude of what he actually did to you because if he did he would know that he should be making very small baby steps to try a win back your trust in him as a decent human - never mind potential partner again.
Your in a really good position to set your stall out now before baby is born and out those boundaries down - that will protect you when you’ve just had the baby and are still very vulnerable and fragile.
Have you got strong support around you?
I’d stop with the constant messages. It’s unnecessary. He either wants to be apart of the babies life or he doesn’t - you don’t have to facilitate that or try to keep him interested.
Start saying no to the baby shopping. If he wants to apply for paternity leave - let him if doesn’t mean that he will be spending his time at your house.
If you are breast feeding he doesn’t get to take that baby away from you untill it’s a bit older.
This is where your support comes in, when you’ve had baby tell him he can come and visit baby when it’s convenient to you. That could be daily, every other day, what ever but make sure your support is there so you can go and have a lie down or not have to be in the same room as him and your support can make sure everything is ok.
You are the one driving what’s going to happen in the first few weeks of this baby being born. Remember that.
I really think it’s worth contacting a family law solicitor to ask for the best advice on how to handle this and let him know you will be doing things properly so he doesn’t think he can waltz back in so easily because - he will waltz right back out again when he has had enough.
Protect yourself. You owe him nothing