How do I help my son with anger/social issues

[Klm93]

Hey,

I’m new to this but I’m really struggling to know what is best for my child right now.

Last year I moved in with my partner, and my son started reception at the same time.

At first his behaviour was quite bad but he had a lot of changes and we muddled through and things got better. My partner also has a child and the two children are Vey different and that is still a struggle now.

He settled into school but he becomes easily frustrated and throws temper tantrums and is really struggling to make friends. He isn’t meeting targets and milestones and I’m starting to realise he’s really behind.

Him and my partners child don’t have a good relationship and he can be quite mean to my son sometimes, and I do become defensive. My son struggles to socially interact and is really silly and doesn’t understand boundaries.

Before I moved in with my partner it was just me and my son and I always put it down to age. But he’s about to turn five and he is never still, doesn’t understand when others are being mean. He can’t respond appropriately to the situation and prefers to pretend and make things up. He has the most amazing imagination but other children don’t understand and relate to him which usually means my son plays by himself or becomes frustrated. He refuses to learn games or new things such as football, game of cards or riding his bike.. he will make his own way up and won’t listen to the rules of the game. This usually ends with him playing alone.

I want to help him, I want the situation at home to be better and just want him to be happy, I have spoken to his teachers but I don’t feel they take it as serious as me.

Can anyone help has anyone experienced this before?

I think it would help if you separate everything out, and try to give us some more specific examples.

He settled into school but he becomes easily frustrated and throws temper tantrums
Does he have tantrums only at home, or with you, or is he doing this at school too ?
Can you see any pattern of what triggers them, or when they happen ?

and is really struggling to make friends.
Again, what do you mean by this ? Many children in REception don't have a particular friend, they just play with whoever is about at the time. Have the school spoken to you about this ? (only you said they aren't taking it seriously).

He isn’t meeting targets and milestones
what milestones do you mean ? People usually refer to milestones as things babies and pre-schoolers do - rolling / sitting / standing / walking / speech / toileting. What milestones do you mean for your ds?
Was he late with the baby and toddler milestones I've listed ?
Did he go to Pre-school or Nursery ? Were there any concerns there ? Is this all new since strting school ?
What targets do you mean ?

Him and my partners child don’t have a good relationship and he can be quite mean to my son sometimes

How old is your partner's son ?

My son struggles to socially interact

With other dc ? With adults ? What does he 'do' that makes you say this ? AGain, was it the same before starting school ?

and is really silly and doesn’t understand boundaries any examples ? I mean, most 4 or 5 yr olds are silly

Sorry, lots of questions. Not to be nosey - only tell us what you want, but without knowing a bit more, it is quite difficult to know how to help you

Hello, yes I wrote this late at night and when I was quite upset..

• Yes temper tantrums are frequent & happen at home and school, he is worse in social situations such as going to see family/friends or out at a restaurant etc.

• he would rather play alone than with others he doesn’t join in and when he does he wants to change the game or be quite bossy. School have said that he prefers to play alone too.

• Maybe milestones was the wrong word! I mean like reading, writing and just learning in general. School have also told me this and just said it’s not much to worry about while he is so young. He refuses to do things like get dressed, wipe his own bum although he is capable. He did go to nursery when he was too all they told me was that it’s hard for them to get him to do anything he doesn’t want to do.

• My partners son is a year older, he’s just turned 6.

• Both he doesn’t respond appropriately to what is said to him. For example I can ask him what he would like for tea and he will respond with either being silly or telling me something completely irrelevant.

• By silly I mean very hyperactive and inappropriate, for example when he meets someone new he will pretend to hit himself or throw himself down on the floor. Refuse to do as asked gets really well.. hyperactive!

Hope I’ve answered your questions! I know some of this may be completely normal but I am totally tired and stressed .

I’m so worried about him and just want him to enjoy things but he will refuse to learn anything new and just likes to pretend and live in his own little world.

Thank you for your reply!

Has he always been this way? I wonder whether your child might be struggling with your partner moving in and living with another child. Did he know your partner for a long time and did he have a good relationship with your partner before you all moved in together?

Hi, yes he knew him and they get on quite well. He does get jealous sometimes and gets overly clingy but I try to talk about it to him a lot and reassure him that he’s my priority

How long have you known your partner?
Does your son see his father?
Does your partner’s son also live with you?

but I try to talk about it to him a lot and reassure him that he’s my priority

Is he enough of a priority that you might decide that not living with your partner may be the best thing for your child?

Does his school have a senco you could talk to about your concerns? The school may have some friendship groups he could join for his social skills.
My 6 year old is similar. Sometimes I try rewards and consequences. I also talk a lot about his behaviour being smooth / bumpy. He really likes cars so if I see his behaviour going on the bumpy road I ask him to stop at the red light.
Sometimes I will get teddies or duplo figures to act out different situations and get him involved in what the right choices would be in any certain situation. I try to relate it to certain types of behaviour he’s been displaying.
For tea maybe give him two choices and say he can pick or you will. This could apply to any questions given.
I think my son is not emotionally the age he is but I also think he’s still very little.
Are there any friends you could invite over for some play. Is he involved in any clubs or interests? Bit of a tricky time at the moment I know. My son goes to swimming lessons and this has boosted his confidence and he had just started beavers.
Sending you warm thoughts and good luck