Changing schools

[Studentnursemum]

Hi all, I’m new to the site and looking for others perspectives on my difficult situation.

My other half and I have been together for 8 years and for the last 4 years there have been issues. Lots of good times but more bad times, we’ve tried and failed to make it work more times than I can remember. We have a child who is in reception at primary school.

I’m a student nurse, going into my final year of training and most of September - July will be spent working different shift patterns until I qualify as a Registered Nurse (and have a degree of flexibility over when/where I work) until then however, I have no choice in my working hours.

I have no family local to where I live with ex partner, childs school is 5 minutes away, we jointly rent property off his parents.

My family think I should move closer to them (approx 20-25 mins drive) and move my child to a school near there, allowing them to help with childcare/school runs until I qualify and thereafter. At present, I am beholden to my ex for ALL school run/childcare issues when I am on placement, which I understand is not feasible when separated, although at this time he says it will be.

His argument is that if I move, my sons schooling will be interrupted by moving schools and my ex wouldn’t be able to see him as much (only weekends) due to his work commitments. My argument is that I need local support for childcare to enable me to qualify in a dream job I have worked so hard to do.

Would you move your child’s school to be closer to family so they can help? Or, am I being unreasonable?

Thanks in advance!

Yes, I would move.

At the moment your ex is willing to do the school runs but situations change. If he finds a new girlfriend, changes job, has another child or simply decides not to co-operate, the provision falls apart and you will be expected to pick up the slack.

Your dc is very young, his schooling is already interrupted and it is easier to move now than it may be in the future.

Does your ex drive? If he does, there would be nothing to stop him seeing his child during the week, it’s only an extra 15 mins. He is only thinking of his own convenience. You need to think of your ability to work and provide for your dc.

Thank you for your reply, I really appreciate it! This was my thought process too, what suits him now probably won’t if and when someone new enters his life.

Yes, we both drive so it’s absolutely feasible for him to travel. Maybe a little inconvenient but it’s not unmanageable. X

but your ex is willing to shoulder the burden of all this during this difficult year? so that's already a solution. obviously not sustainable in the longer term but there is no benefit to moving so that the task can be done by your family when the alternative of the father doing it all is perfectly viable.

No, I wouldn't. I think that the relationship between two parents and their child is more important. Presumably, the childcare issue will be no different with you splitting up than if you were together. How would you have managed it then? If your partner is willing to do the school runs, great, that's the solution. If there is a day or so a week when that isn't possible, surely your family could just drive to you and do it. 20-25 minutes is not a very long drive. Dh and I drive 15 minutes just to even get to our dc's school (the closest one) - so easily 30 minutes round trip, twice a day.

If it becomes unworkable, then you can figure out a solution, but I wouldn't uproot your child and limit your partner's time with him so he can spend time with your family. Because he is missing out on time with both parents. It sounds like it would be a lot better if he has more time with your partner and you keep life as normal as possible during what is going to be a potentially stressful time.