Please tell me it will get better?

[Atticus500]

DD is 4 weeks tomorrow and I’m honestly at my wits end. Please tell me it gets better/easier/more normal? This is my first baby and I have driven myself mad with google searches for every little thing she does and doesn’t do (she spits up, which I thought was vomiting; she has bad gas, which makes her cranky and I thought it was colic etc) and got so low with my mood, I temporarily moved out of the family house and in with my parents for support (who knew it would be so hard to have a baby during a pandemic...) Today is a bad day as I haven’t slept, can’t go out for a walk with her because of the weather and really miss my husband (though don’t feel quite ready to hear home yet) and just need someone to reassure me that this is normal (sometimes I want to walk away and never come back) and that it will, definitively, have an end soon?? I constantly worry about her and think there’s something wrong (the latch has become an obsession) - could it just be that she’s a baby and they do stuff like spit up and pass painful gas, and one day I won’t be so miserable and consider this all a terrible mistake??

would you consider contacting APNI (association for postnatal illness),OP? It sounds like it could be baby blues/post natal depression. They can listen to you and offer advice x
apni.org/

Does your husband know how you feel? Have you spoken to your parents about it?
In my case DP being with me to help carry the load of kept me sane.
If I were you I’d ring my HV or GP and have a chat to them. There is no shame in putting up your hand and saying you need help

Firstly congratulations, and I promise you it does get better.
Google is not your friend or your go to, trust your gut, the professionals or just those around you who have been there and done that, it really does help.
Don't set any big goals or expectations, I use to have two days a week when my son was that small to stay in our pj's and chill alllll day long and it was a godsend.
Perhaps getting out for small walks daily will give you a boost, whatever the weather.
Remember, you are both getting to know one another. I had no idea who or what that beautiful little stranger wanted when I brought him home but for some reason I remember by week nine I felt so much more in control. Could of been a mixture of recovery and bonding?
The fact you wrote this post shows what a great mother you are, it takes time and they change so quickly please don't do what I did and waste time worrying. Your doing great x

This is totally normal OP. There are a lot of people that will say this is PND, but its normal to feel like this after an upheaval of your life. Lets face it, a newborn is like a wrecking ball to your life! It becomes possibly PND if these feelings are still around in a few months time.

I was exactly the same, I was so desperate for it all to end. The newborn phase is relentless. I had my baby at the start of lockdown and it was so hard. For me, it got better at 6/7 weeks when he went down for naps easier and feeds didnt take so long. I was OBSESSED with googling milestone and got really worried that he hadnt smiled at 5 weeks. The thing that really helped me was stopping googling everything and just going with the flow. It worked well and it stopped me overthinking everything.

Also to add, being in your home comforts would probably be more beneficial for you. Use your husband for support x

The first 4 weeks are hard to adjust so I can't imagine how hard it is in lockdown!
Definitely stop googling things, if you really need advice look only on NHS (or post on here )
My baby always spit up after feeding so I would try and hold him a bit longer before putting him down but still he would spit up, eventually it got better but as long as its not projectile I wouldn't worry (and even when he did that it was fine).
Who knew latching is so tricky! I used to assume you just put baby on boob and job done but took about 6 weeks for me to feel confident in our latch, and by 2 months we felt so much more in the swing of things.
Sorry to hear you've had to move out, I hope you're getting lots of support with your family, if you need fresh air could you wrap baby up and take her for a walk still, just pop a rain cover on if you have one on your pram? I had an autumn baby and used to do lots of cold wet walks.

I also remember writing a similar post on MN when my son was 4 weeks old, and being in tears reading the comments saying that it gets better.

It really does. Hes 12 weeks old now and a little cutie.

Yep definitely gets better so hang on in there. I had my little one 3 weeks before lockdown but luckily my husband got put on furlough because there was no way I could have managed my baby alone. He had everything going, he was so whingy and was at it all day every day. He had bad wind and to top it off he was a terribly sleeper. I often used to think 'what have I done' he improved massively at 12 weeks old and hes such a happy soul now. Once you start seeing your baby developing such as good head control and smiling for the first time it makes it so worth it.

Nobody prepared me enough for the first 8 weeks. X

Thank you for all your replies - it is great to hear that I’m not alone and things will improve. Re the PND - I have spoken to both HV and GP about this and both felt it was too early and most likely just the shock of a new baby. I’m not too concerned given they are both aware and I’ve been open and honest.
Re my husband - he went back to work (working 11 hours away from home) on the 13th day after she was born and it was hard for me to cope without any support from family and friends in the lockdown. I also had a c-section which made everything that much harder as it meant I couldn’t be active in the early weeks and really struggled with a dirty house, piled up dishes, 3 cats and a dirty litter tray and trying to look after myself and the baby, hence the move to my parents. We also don’t have the best set up at home with no working shower since March (it broke before lockdown and haven’t been able to get a plumber out since). Not sure home really is best for me given I couldn’t wash properly (another thing to get me down)
Thank you to everyone for making me feel I’ll get better - I know I have to wait it out. Any tips for waiting it out? As in, what helps ease the stress and worrying? And what can I do to make the next 4+ weeks feel slightly more bearable? Incidentally, I’ll be moving back home ASAP (as soon as I can get the bloody shower fixed!) - my parents are in their 80s so I’ve ironically ended up with less help but a greater sense of support 🤷🏻‍♀️

Box sets! Honestly ive watched so much crap.

I also had a c section, really really take it easy but still move about if that makes sense. I was told not to lift anything heavier than my baby... He was 10.8! Lol!
I used a small milk jug to decanter milk into when I made tea so I wasn't lifting the heavy six pinters. My dad Also got me a litter picker, hilarious at the time but awesome when I was alone. Have everything in reach and ensure after washing your aired and dried properly, in this heat I got an infection in my scar. Oh and big knickers, the biggest you can find will be your friend 😊

I was the same op, really struggled for what felt like forever. Things got a bit easier around the 3 or 4 month mark and then at ten months I really turned a corner and everything felt fine.

Ds is a toddler now and such a joy. I truly love being a mum now.

There is no shame in not enjoying the little baby phase- it's bloody tough! I definitely prefer it when they're a bit older. Good luck

I was the same. Mine was the fussiest newborn in the world. She didn't sleep for the first 5 weeks of her life (and neither did I!). Turns out she had reflux, could be worth contacting your GP and mentioning the vomiting as this is one of the symptoms.

Mine also had bad wind. There were times that I was awake at 4am bicycling her little legs trying to get the wind out! Then all of a sudden it stopped at around 4 months.

I thought I was never going to survive but I promise you it DOES get better.

We're at 6 months now and things are definitely easier! Hang in there hugs

This was exactly me!

It just got easy for me - nearly 8 months and I feel like I can breathe, not think too much, stopped googling, anytime I have a concern I just book app with gp and ask instead of sitting and thinking about it. FTM. Baby was a difficult baby. Colic, acid reflux, throwing up, not feeding, born early. Two weeks in hospital. Not sleeping well.

Only now I have calmed down. Last week or so. Started on solids at 6 months and she doesnt need as much formula now.

I found going with her flow the easiest. She tells me when she is hungry.

Have family around me but no one understood my stress. I didnt even go anywhere because LO refused to drink outside or at someone elses house. Burping took ages. Lockdown worked in my favour :)

BUT IT DOES GET BETTER!

No other advice apart from what has been said above, but I am a ftm at 10 weeks now and it has got so so much easier in the last couple of weeks. I remember being at your stage and reading all the threads about when newborns get easier on mn and crying because I didn’t think mine ever would. However, I am now starting to really enjoy him. So no other advice, but just to hang in there and know that it really does get easier.

I could of written this post myself when my baby was 4 weeks old he is now 23 weeks and I'm in a completely different head space and it definitely does get easier.
Everything takes time but I found I was stressing myself worrying about has he been too sick (no it was just spit up) am I doing this wrong/right etc.
Every stage of having a baby is hard in its own ways but in the early weeks even harder due to the lack of sleep. I now look back and regret the time I spent googling things. Just keep telling yourself how your feeling now is only temporary and it will get easier the more you worry the more stressful you make it. Try not worry and just enjoy your baby x