Isolation & Babies

[Everdreamer1990]

So my LG was 4 weeks old when lockdown started. She spent a lot of time with both sets of grandparents & then after lockdown she only had me all day Mon-Fri as my OH has worked the whole time out of the house.

We have recently started to see people due to the relaxation in restrictions but my LG isn't doing too well with others. Every time she sees another face she cries. She really cries. Like she's terrified. It's the sort of cry of being in pain.

We may have broken the rules over the last couple of days as I need a break & i've taken her to my parents for a cuddle. We've been 3-4 times now & she won't go anywhere near them. If they try to pick her up she screams & sounds like she's being murdered. It takes forever for her to calm down again.

My OH who she knows can't even hold her. She's so used to me that she starts crying if he has her when he gets home.

I'm exhausted from having her all the time. She's 4 months old today & I go back to work in Oct so I need her to want to be around others.

I know stranger anxiety is normal but this is so much more intense. She gets so worked up just by a face saying hello & won't calm for a long time.

It breaks my heart & I have no idea how to get her used to & enjoy being around others.

Any tips?

You have till October. Hard as it is, I'd go as slowly as possible. Hang around with other people, but keep her close to you, so she gets used to their presence but with the comfort of being attached to you. Try and relax (easier said than done!) so people feel like a nice, happy thing - rather than stressy because you're fretting about her reaction.

It sounds tough, and it's impossible to know whether lockdown has made any difference or if she'd have been a velcro baby anyway. But try not to push her too far too fast - she'll get there, but it sounds like she needs a gentle, gradual adjustment.

I've been having similar issues although ds is almost 8 months. Before lockdown he would go to anyone and even spent a couple of nights at mil's. Recently, after a few months of nothing I decided to let her have a quick cuddle as it was her birthday and it had been a long time since they had had physical contact and he cried hysterically when she held him! He was OK at a distance but the second he was in her arms the crying started. Since then I have tried him out on my sister and my parents (I know that is against the rules but they are pretty reclusive and have no contact with anyone else) and with some time and patience he has improved loads. At first he cried for everyone but after a period of smiling and making faces/playing with him from a distance he will now allow himself to be held by them. I think with practise and reassurance your daughter will learn that other people can be fun, it just might take some perseverance.

Thank you

For what it's worth, most babies and toddlers are struggling with "new" faces at the moment and I keep having similar conversations with my mum friends. Mine had turned one a few weeks before lock down and as I am shielding (chemo) he's only recently started seeing people again who aren't me or his dad.

He cries regardless of if we are in shops with a stranger on the till or with people who are adult friends where until lock down he would happily go and play with, and also cries at their kids who are his "friends" and he knows them. I am continuing to take him out and we meet up with the same group of friends in the hope that at some point he won't cry so much, and they've also done a lot of crying back at him/me. None of them were "velcro" babies in the first year of their lives.

Just give her time - you've got about as long as she's already been alive before you go back to work, and childcare settings are more aware of separation anxiety than ever at the minute because literally every single child will be more clingy and less trusting of "strangers" after having 3+ months seeing very few people. Hopefully by October she will be much better - given when she was born, she doesn't realise that there's a whole big world out there waiting for her and she needs time to adjust to that reality.

This is so sad I am due in two weeks and this was just what I'd been worried about, I am so glad that things are starting to ease up a bit. I hope things get easier for you ladies and your babies, it's been a crap time to have a baby hasn't it!

Could have written this post myself! 8mo and absolutely petrified of other people even looking at him. Even people he was OK with at 3m he now cannot even see.

@MrFlibblesEyes your post gave me some hope. Seriously, it's scaring me just like the OP, what will happen when the work starts.

Really hope for all of us that it does get easier.

I think frequent short visits to your folks would benefit her. At first, keep her with you. Then sit next to her while she is lay on the floor. Then have your mum sit with you both on the floor. Etc etc. So each couple of days, increase the contact with others.

Thanks for all the advice. We'll keep at it.

I just find it really upsetting that she is so scared of other people.

My dad cries as he was there with her an hour after she was born. He spent so much time with her before & now she becomes terrified when she sees him. He really wants a cuddle but we'll take it slowly & I know we'll get there.