Irritable 4 month old. Feel like a failure.

[Effsee]

Might be a long post, sorry! But I feel like I need to rant or get things off my chest or something.

My daughter is 4 and a half months. For the past 5 days she's been getting really irritable and constantly tugging at her left ear. She's constantly got her hands in her mouth and dribbling alot. Did a quick google and it tells me that it's possibly teething, which I suspected. No temperature or anything coming out of the ear so I don't think it's an ear infection.

I love my daughter more than anything, but oh my days. I feel like she's been an absolute nightmare most of the time. It's been really hard work trying to settle her, entertain her and just generally look after her. Monday was the worst, and today hasn't been any better. And I'm wide awake but exhausted, dreading the day tomorrow.

Everything I do for her doesn't seem to settle her like it normally does. It's a sweaty fight trying to settle her. Putting her down for a nap is like trying to bath a cat. I had a meltdown yesterday because it was just relentless. Felt like it was one thing after another. Then her nappy leaked onto my clean pants and I just burst into tears. My partner came home from work and took her for a bit and I felt like an absolute failure because I'd just had enough and didn't want to deal with her for the rest of the day.

Today was pretty much the same in terms of settling her. I finally got her to sleep and put her in the cot (normally she just goes in and drops off to sleep herself, but nope. Not this week). When I laid her in the cot, within 5 minutes she woke up screaming and I had to repeat the process again which was absolutely draining. The freezer door fell off and was beeping like mad so I had to leave her for 5 minutes to try fix it and save all the frozen food. She SCREAMED and it took me about 20 minutes to calm her. She was so red and sweaty and angry 😫😭

Feel so rubbish and low lately and I'm so frustrated that I'm not allowed to ask family to watch her for an hour or 2 so I can recharge. It's mentally exhausting and recently I just feel miserable. I feel so guilty for getting frustrated and not enjoying the good moments she's been having.
I don't know if it's lockdown blues, frustration, the recent demanding behaviour of my daughter or something more. I just want a break, no matter how small it is 😫
Anybody else feel like they're doing a crap job and just want to cry all the time?

Have you tried any of the teething remedies?

Sounds like she’s in pain have you given her any Caloocan or nurifen to see if it helps her x

Sorry meant calpol !

I would definitely go to the GP, ear infection does not always present with a temperature.

I would get the Dr to check for an ear infection too, especially if Calpol isn't helping. Have lots of sympathy from me though. It is hard and relentless sometimes, even without lockdown.

That sounds really hard but you are NOT a failure or doing anything wrong. My baby is so easy usually so when she goes through stages like this I find it really hard and it makes me miserable and feel awful but it’s no ones fault. Try calpol, baby nurofen (I alternate one every 4 hrs when she’s suffering with teeth, not both at once), anbesol liquid on gums is really good and lots of walks for fresh air to help both of your mood. Speak to GP or HV as ear infections can present similar to teething and be really painful for them. She could also be going through a developmental leap which makes them grumpy and ruins their sleep for a while - is she starting to do anything new at the moment, rolling etc? This will pass and you’re not doing anything wrong, be kind to yourself

I’ve had dreadful ear infections without visible discharge.
The tugging on her left ear sounds like that could be the problem. I’d take her to the doctor.

My DD2 got them a few times in infancy.

You’re not a failure and of course you should hand her over to her dad when you can. Even being at the hardest job isn’t as bad as tending a screaming baby while sleep deprived 24/7

I would definitely say see a doctor Incase something is wrong.

But you are not a failure. Most babies have these phases. This lockdown situation has been tough for all mums.
Motherhood is hard enough in normal situations.

You clearly care about your baby. Lack of sleep and feeling like your failing can really take its toll.

Don't be so hard on yourself

Get her checked at GP and agree to some calpol, she sounds like something is causing her pain.

Thank you for the replies and advice. Had a moment of weakness last night where I just had to let it all out.

I've given her calpol a few times since it all started last Thursday, although not given her it religiously every 4 hours. Been trying to use the teetha powders instead and they seem to help a bit but wear off quickly. (She seems obsessed/excited about the spoon when I give her them 🤔)

I think I'll contact the gp just to get a bit of clarity on what's going on with her.

I know its silly but I feel like I'll look like an idiot for getting her checked at the doctors and they're like "Oh it's just teething. Keep doing what you're doing".
Need to get out of the mindset that I'm wasting their time, especially during the current situation in the world.
Definitely going to be in touch though as I just want to take away what ever is irritating her.

Feel a little bit more positive today after getting things off my chest. Hopefully I can tackle the day ahead a bit better 🤞

My daughter's doctor was very clear that he wanted to see her as a little baby no matter how minor I thought something was. He would much rather see a tiny baby too often than not enough.

It is really tough going when they are so tiny and can't tell you what is up, and you are definitely not a failure. Fathers should definitely take their turn too. We all need a break and it is relentless, especially when you are sleep deprived.