18 month old has started hitting?!

[maria2bela]

So this is new, my 18 month old has started hitting regularly. Sometimes it's when he's annoyed at something, other times it's out of excitement. He's never been hit a day in his life by anyone so I'm really baffled as to where this has come from?...I sternly tell him 'no' and turn away from him or put him down to show I'm upset, but 5 mins later he will do the same thing again. Is this normal?

We're also going through this phase.
My son is nearly 22 months.
It's usually when I'm asking him not to do something and he gets annoyed.
And then when he's excited he launches toys at us, so we're gently trying to tell him 'don't throw, gently' as he doesn't ubderstand he shouldn't throw his toys I suppose.
But hitting needs more of a consequence I think.

The other day he really hit me round the face, multiple times, so I did have a stern word, and put him in his cot for 5 minutes.
When I came back in the room, I told him 'you can't hit people, can mummy have a kiss and a cuddle' he did willingly, and that was that.
I think that's how I'm going to deal with it every time.

Nope. It's not normal. Unless it's a boy thing.

My granddaughter does this when she's cross. She's five and has been doing it since about 18 months.

We've tried all sorts from crying to explaining. She's not as bad now but it still happens sometimes.

Yes, it is entirely normal and nothing to to do with it being a 'boy thing' so ignore that PP

It's quite common for there to be a phase of hitting/biting and it's usually linked to frustration at not being able to communicate.

There's some good suggestions here, but some depend on your child's understanding at the moment.

www.babycentre.co.uk/a1040599/aggression-how-to-deal-with-hitting-and-biting

It's jsut a thing they do out of frustration. Mine has just started occasionally, my daughter did it at the same age. If you say a firm no they understand quickly it's wrong but I think it's a perfectly natural reaction when they're frustrated and can't tell you why.

No - it's not entirely normal madam. My opinion is as valid as yours - so please ignore the pp telling you that it's normal - it's not.

Very normal! They do grow out of it. Mine is 2y3m now and he hasn't hit me for months, but there was definitely a hitting phase.

He was removed from the room/sent to his room every single time he hit and told (in my very best supernanny voice) that we do not hit people. Seems to have worked for now.

My is a gorgeous little boy but when he was around that age he'd hit out when he was over tired or couldn't communicate what he wanted. I considered it a phase more than him "being naughty ". I just sternly said "no" and put my hand out like a police saying stop. He doesn't really do it at all now.

It is a normal behaviour for around that age. That's not to say every toddler will go through that phase, but on its own it's nothing to be concerned about if they do.

Just treat it firmly and consistently and all being well as their language develops their frustration on the whole subsides.

Very very normal.

It's just a matter of preserving with it

Ignore the previous poster - looks like someone spoiling for an argument.

At least most toddlers grow out of it

Gimmeay... Have your kids never hit or bitten then...?
It seems a fair few posters here have been through this, that tells the OP it is indeed normal...

Thanks guys! Glad to hear it seems quite common around a certain age. For now I will stick with the firm 'No's' and putting him down there or walking away, hopefully that will solve it as he gets older. Hopefully he doesn't start doing it to other kids when he goes back to playgroup 🙈

Well I've only raised girls and they've never hit anyone - in fact they would have have been completely indignant if anyone hit them. Never went through a biting phase either, nor were they bitten! The only incident I can recall was when dd1 was about 1 and my friend and her 2 year old rather tall ds came to visit and the little boy was very 'aggressively' hugging tiny dd. Dd stood up to her full tiny size and quite emphatically pointed her finger at the little boy and said 'Go 'way' in her loudest toddler school mistress voice. It was hilarious and neither of us Mums could stop laughing. But I would suggest that it may be a boy thing. I've just never witnessed it myself and haven't had any complaints from childminders or nurseries, so while it might be a phase some children go through, I wouldn't go as far as to say it's a guaranteed phase. That's all I was saying.

My little girl never hit anyone when lots of her peers were around 18 months. She has started to now at nearly 3- so she gets a no and the naughty step. At 18 months I just would have said “no/ nice hands” firmly.
Honestly having a kid who hits is as pot luck as having one who bolts off down the road without you.

That said, none of my caregivers to dds were the sort to complain about every tiny thing, so it's possible that they may have gone through such a phase while not in my care and I just wasn't made aware of it. Though I'm pretty convinced they were perfect angels

I can confirm however, that their propensity to treat you with complete disdain when teenagers appears to be a pretty guaranteed phase from my experience. I'm paying for my rather easy going toddlers now perhaps

My DS was a hitter, biter, hair puller and briefly a head butter. We are coming out the side of it now at nearly 3.

For him it was a communication problem, if he wanted to play with another kid he would hit instead of saying come play. It was also out of frustration. Now he can talk he will tell me if something is upsetting him instead of reacting.

My friend has a little girl that's the same as him, which was fun on playdates.

You needs to be consistent and they'll get the idea

My DC3 went through a hitting phase - it was a complete surprise to me because DC1 and DC2 had never laid a finger on another child.

The only thing that worked was, after ONE warning, I would take him straight home from wherever we were (he didn't usually hit at home - this won't work if yours does). Also being a 'helicopter parent' when he was around other kids and diving in to prevent him hitting if I could see that he was about to.

It stopped when he was 22 months and he's now a gentle, well behaved 10yo. I honestly never thought I'd be able to say that when he was a toddler!

Good luck OP. I found this a really stressful phase.

16mo dd hits me when she's annoyed. I know from my eldest this is just a phase before they can communicate with language. I say a firm no and she often thinks that's hilarious, if I say no and move her away from me to somewhere else she cries. They grow out of it as they understand more about how to behave well and how to express their feelings. They're so little still I mostly find it better to distract her when I want her to stop something after the initial no, impulse control is something they learn over time.

It's not a boy thing, neither of mine did this my friends daughter was a total terror for hitting and throwing.

It's just as everyone has said a development phase that just needs dealing with firmly, sounds like you are doing exactly the right thing. Maybe only one piece of advice would be not to put him in his cot as time out? Find a different space that's not to do with sleep or safety, like a naughty step etc.

My DD is about to turn 2 and just started doing this occasionally to me when she's very angry about something and is struggling to communicate it, particularly when hungry and/or tired. I tell her "we don't hit people as it makes people sad" and I will move away from her so she can't hit me anymore. And I will say things like "I can see you are very angry/upset! What can we do to make you feel better?/what can we do to solve the problem (depending on what it is)" etc. When she's calmed down I bring it up again to explain why we don't do it and she usually says sorry without being promoted at that point. With respect I don't think putting a young child on a step or in their bed deals with the issue in any meaningful way. To deal with it you need to understand why they did it and find something they can do instead to communicate or manage their emotions. Putting them alone somewhere when they're distressed doesn't do that, it's essentially just a punishment, which I don't think is appropriate for children this young at least. I wait until my daughter is calmer and say things like "next time, when you are angry and you want mummy to stop singing (genuine thing that has happened lol) you can day "stop singing please mummy!" instead - and get her to practice saying it. And so far this had worked quite well as in a number of occasions when she's previously hit me or DH she has remembered and said no stop x please or whatever instead and no hitting. This obviously depends on your childs communicating abilities but that's what I think we should focus on.

PMSL at dd slapping you to stop you singing haha - are you that bad @MeadowHay?

It sounds like your DD is very articulate MeadowHay but when my DS2 was doing this aged 17 months he certainly didn't have the vocabulary, let alone the emotional maturity, to tell me why he was doing it. Also, there were times when he was angry or frustrated or whatever, but there were other times when it literally seemed to be for no reason at all! So yes I did take the 'punishment' approach because that was the best way to stop him doing it, which was my main aim.

Tbh I really am that bad I probably deserved it

I absolutely understand a smaller child or even an older one would have different communication abilities to my DD. But I'm not sure how you can teach a child to develop that communication other than by actually doing it for them to start with? And of course they understand much more than they can say at any stage of their communication. I don't think you do always need to know what's wrong either, it's more focusing on the emotion (anger? Upset?) and finding a different way to communicate/express it. And I agree that removing a child from the situation can be necessary (although I usually just move myself away from DD instead if I can do that safely) as an immediate and necessary response.

I would recommend 'How to Talk so Little Kids Will Listen' for more about avoiding punishment and focusing on communication and creative, collaborative problem solving.