Worried about autism signs

[idontfeelwelltoday]

Nc for this

DS will be 3 in a few weeks time. He is still at the single words stage (DH and I have English as a second language so DS is "bilingual"). He is under SALT assessment but they are not too worried yet because of the 2 languages.

But we also noticed that;

• he is fully intolerant to loud/high pitched noises
• eats just a few foods and doesn't want to try anything new
• when we go for a walk, he wants to take always the same route, jumping from the same points of the same pavements, climbing the same stairs, and so on
• ignores other children
• doesn't do pretend play
• "Bath" time is a 30 seconds shower with two people needed to grab him among terrible screams

On the other hand he likes cuddles, giving us kisses and calls for us to play together, repeats nursery rhymes and imitates our expressions and words. No sleeping problems.

I'm an old first (and last) time mum with no other children experience and no idea how to navigate the system. I have so poor social skills, no close friends, was bullied all throughout my teens and my son having difficulty communicating and adapting to environments is the last thing I wanted where do I go from here?

Please be kind ...

It's really difficult to tell at that age because those behaviours can all be indicators of autism, but they're also all fairly common in NT three year olds.

Your first port of call if you're concerned is your HV or if he is at nursery/school you could ask to speak to the SENCO about your concerns.

Do you believe that you might have undiagnosed autism?

He'll be back to nursery in August after lockdown and the manager told me he'll be directly moved to preschool room as he'll be three by then. In toddler room they had dismissed my concerns because of young age and bilingualism.

Some of my behaviours as a child would have definitely been flagged if they were happening now. I might have some autistic traits, but I definitely have undiagnosed dyspraxia due to neurological issues I had as a toddler, so this must have further muddied the waters at the time!

It's almost impossible for them to diagnose autism in a HF child before 3 because so many of the 'autistic' behaviours are 'normal' for that age.

Hopefully, once he's back and he's in the preschool they'll be able to observe him and refer if necessary. You can also contact your HV, but in the current climate you'll probably have a long wait for any appointments etc.

In the meantime you can address each behaviour individually. A diagnosis of autism won't really change anything in the short term. All they can offer really is parenting advice and how to manage the condition for him as best as possible and you can read up on that online.

With each issue think about what you'd like the outcome to be and how you can achieve that.

So, with the social problems, use toys/puppets to role play situations, read books that focus on social skills and watch TV that does the same. If he struggles socially it's probably the case that he is overwhelmed when faces with a large group of children at nursery or playgroup. Instead try and organise one on one playdates where can focus on the one child he can at with. He may need you to guide him initially, suggest things for them to do. Things with very clear parameters are a good idea e.g. bring a football and encourage them to kick it each other or take turns kicking it into a goal.

With the food, continue to give him what he likes but always present it alongside something he doesn't. Don't let the food available become restricted. Don't pressure him to eat it or even try it, just present it and if he doesn't eat it take it away again. But keep offering that's the only way to increase the food that they'll eat (this is a normal issue with children this age). If he has particular sensory issues e.g. he doesn't like soggy food then I would avoid that where possible.

With pretend play, initiate it and demonstrate it for him. Role play. Read books about it. Offer him a range of pretend play scenarios to try and find one that catches his imagination.

I'm awful at role play, never done that myself and my imagination is as dry as a desert - I remember with horror the school work where I was asked about making up a story on x topic, once in my equivalent of Year 2 it was about a cat and I couldn't even think of a name for it!
Will need to make an effort for DS's sake though.
I'm showing him the food I eat every single day and I get a strong NO or a YUCK as an answer. Will not give up though.
Really looking forward to him restarting nursery, I could really do with some advice from his teachers. I'm also worried as he is summer born, why oh why did I conceive in October :(

Role play will be easier now that you're older because you've done all those things for real. You've made/drunk a cup of tea, been to the supermarket/doctors/library/garage/car wash/had conversations with people etc. so you don't need to have a good imagination or pretend, just remember. You can use books/TV to help as well.

Keep up with the food, wide variety and no pressure, hopefully one day curiosity gets the better of him.

How is his joint attention - does he point at things to show you them?

Dont make bath time tantrum time.
He will get bigger and stronger.
You need to get him used to what s involved
Can he cope with a bowl of water in the shower and pour on himself?
Break it down to the minimum and build up slowly
which bit doesnt he like?

He may have ASD symptoms but let him get to nursery and start process of assessment.
Ask the SENVo for done behaviour advice for specific issues

Senco for behaviour support

Thanks @NuffSaidSam, you seem to have very sensible advice, noted!

@123Dancewithme yes absolutely. With me he can be perfectly normal, pointing things to me, involving me in his play (yesterday he pulled me to the garden and said "goal!" As he wanted me to kick the ball). I sometimes wonder if his Issues with large groups, noises, food, water and clothes might be stand alone sensory disorders (oh I forgot, he has to wear long sleeved tops and long bottoms even in these hot days otherwise full tantrum ...can't start toilet training as he doesn't want to stay undressed )

@Embracelife he doesn't like washing his hair the most (neither do I honestly, I still don't tolerate water in my eyes, don't go underwater and keep a towel inside the shower to dry my eyes,used to be a nightmare as a child. My mum bought a hairdresser kit otherwise I couldn't cope. I could try buying a paddling pool (didn't dare so far) make it a game and avoiding hair for a while?

It's a small private nursery he goes to, I have never heard of a SENCO there but there might be a member of staff responsible for that, will figure it out once he goes back!

In preschool, being the youngest and less advanced, they'll have to tell me something, at least I hope