Pregnant too soon

[ijustneedasleep]

Hi, I don't really know what I'm looking for here but my baby is 8 months old and tonight I've found out I'm pregnant again.
It wasn't planned and had come as a huge surprise and tbh I'm pretty gutted and very scared.
I have bad post natal depression as is and my son is already quite a difficult baby.
He was also born by c section so that's a worry too.
I'm such an idiot. I already feel like I'm floundering at motherhood without bringing another baby into the mix 😞

I'm sorry you're feeling so shocked. What a massive surprise for you. You're not an idiot - these things can happen to anyone. You're not failing at motherhood - difficult babies are such hard work and it can really impact on mental health. It's such a massive change and not always how you might have imagined it to be.

Are you talking to anyone regarding your PND? Are you able to access any online support (counselling?) to discuss how you're feeling, both about your 8 month old and the new pregnancy? I would recommend it. Do you have a health care person who checks in with you regarding your baby's developmental checks - they should be able to guide you. You could also ask them about your concerns re the c section - or would you be comfortable speaking to your GP about it.

I'm sure it feels totally overwhelming right now. I would have felt utterly overwhelmed and terrified to find out I was pregnant again when my DD was 8 months. It's okay not to feel ready for this.

Thank you @BuffaloMozzerella
I'm doing CBT with the perinatal team just now but I haven't felt it's helped really, although I'm glad they're there to point me in the right direction.

I feel guilty even mentioning that he's a difficult baby, like it's his fault, but he can be so grumpy and has a temper already. I feel like I'm not gonna be able to give him the attention he needs because I'll be dealing with a newborn. He deserves so much better than me 😞

As buffalomozzarella said you are not failing and it's totally fine to feel the way you do. A high needs baby is so difficult and can really wear you down, but from what you said you sound like such a caring mother, the fact that you are concerned about your children and how you want to give them the best shows how much you care and how much you are giving of yourself despite it being so difficult. These things can happen to anyone. My friend got pregnant again when her baby was only two months- and I fell pregnant without meaning to, it happens so please try not to berate yourself for it. I'm glad you have support from perinatal team and hope you have some at home. People on here are always here to listen too. Sending

Sending you op. Sounds like a very difficult situation. What does your DP think of the situation? Are they being helpful at home with your 8mo? Do you have other family for support?

OP, i know this might be uncomfortable to hear, but I'd be remiss not to mention it. You have options open to you, and if this pregnancy really isn't right for you then you don't need to go through with it.

@SomeoneElseEntirelyNow is right. It's okay to weigh up all your options and make a decision on what feels right for you and your family. We all have our limits on what we can cope with.

What kind of thing does your baby get grumpy over? Are you getting any sleep?

Thank you for you kind words and

DH is very supportive, I'd go as far to say he's excited actually which is nice. He thinks in the long run it'll be good for them to be so close in age, which it will I've no doubt, it's just getting to that point I'm worried about.
I definitely take the brunt of the domestic load as well as childcare and I think he underestimates how hard it is already. He has assured me that he'll be stepping things up from now on though and I'm lucky that he's acknowledged this and plans on working on it.

As for other options, I absolutely agree that it's something to think about and I did bring it up but we are both catholic (nightmare I know) and while I can say that right now I don't want to be pregnant, I don't think I could do it myself, and I know DH would be devastated.

I also wanted to say that by the time your baby comes your DS will be much more interactive and becoming more independent. My DD is 12 months now and has gone from a baby who would not be put down for even a minute witching screaming her head off to one who sits and looks at her books for ages. (Well, 10 minutes 😂 but there are lots of 10 minutes and she is easy to distract). She also has proper naps now which is like a miracle.

When the time comes you might even decide to put him in a nursery for a few hours if he likes to be with other children.

Give yourself some time to process the news and be kind to yourself.

I got pregnant with my second at a similar time - we were planning a second, but even then it came as a shock to me and I had to take some time to get my head around it. Completely normal!

They are 6 and 5 now and best buddies. No regrets (but I do still remember the shock of the positive pregnancy test!)

Thanks so much!
The shock has started to wear off a little and the panic has calmed a bit too. I'm still not happy or excited but if I can work through some practicalities I'll hopefully feel better.
I know in the long run it'll be great, but at the minute I'm just wracked with fear and guilt for the other two.

It will be ok. I got pregnant when my eldest was 9 months. Planned but happened a hell of a lot quicker than I expected. I also panicked because when you are pregnant with a baby you wonder how on earth you are going to look after 2 babies but they change SO much in the 9 months of pregnancy.

At 18 months my son could entertain himself with toys for 10 mins while I was feeding the baby, the baby was happy in a sling while I was playing with my son, it was all fine. Don’t get me wrong there were some hard moments where both were crying and I was losing my mind but those moments were few and far between and far outweighed by the amazing bond my 2 have. They adore each other and do everything together (now they are 3 and 18 months.

In some ways it is actually easier than having a bigger gap as they have quite similar needs and you just adapt to having 2. They will be close growing up and into similar things at the same time. I felt guilty for my eldest when I found out I was pregnant but honestly it has added so much more to his life than it took away.