Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

Please or to access all these features

Parenting

For free parenting resources please check out the Early Years Alliance's Family Corner.

A question about impossible breastfeeding

18 replies

Liland · 15/06/2020 20:27

My ds is almost 17 months old. I had him by planned c section (breech, although they didnt notice until 38 weeks). After birth, in recovery, he latched on fine for 10 mins or so. Once. I only stayed in 1 night because my baby cried excessively because I couldn't latch him on again. The midwives would come round, get him semi latched, and then he would stop a minute later. The stress was horrific and they didnt seem like they wanted to help. That first night they took him away to give him formula at their recommendation, and told me he was starving. I continued trying to breastfeed for 2 weeks ( attempt to latch for 30 minutes, various positions, and then giving up and getting the bottle of pumped or formula) before switching completely to formula for my own mental health (and mastitis).

We are starting to think about maybe having another next year. I would really prefer to breastfeed (there was nothing wrong with my milk production or anything physical with me I think). What could I do, aside from having a pre researched lactation consultant on speed dial, and removing all dairy from my diet (ds has cmpa)? Is it normal for it to be almost impossible to breastfeed?

Long story, not necessary:
Ds had digestive issues from day 3. He stopped drinking milk voluntarily while awake at around 4 weeks. Had to be distracted or dream fed. Was diagnosed with severe reflux and cmpa at 6 weeks. Paediatrics finally got him on a medication and formula regime at 6 months that saw him stop projectile vomiting entire stomach contents up to 10 times a day. At 8 months, I trained him to drink milk while awake willingly... He is just starting to eat now, but tiny amounts and sporadically, thus still wakes every few hours for milk through the night. At this point it's fortified because he is so skinny and tall. He is still awaiting tongue tie assessment, and is under salt, paediatrics and dietician.

OP posts:
Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
Lou2120 · 15/06/2020 20:32

It sounds like you had a negative experience before sorry to hear that I have exclusively breastfed all 3 of my children and I can honestly say each time has been just as hard and just as painful. I struggled with each of them to get the latch right and I've had mastitis everytime and with my first I had thrush. I pushed through all of that and tried to my best with each of them. I say just try and if it works out then great but dont stress yourself out over it. As long as your happy baby will be happy.

Liland · 15/06/2020 20:43

It was bloody awful, I felt so ashamed and awful that I couldn't. Hormones all over the place didnt help. He just couldn't latch, I couldn't get a single swallow out of him. I was expecting sore and cracked nipples and mastitis, but to not even be able to get him latched in the first place? That's the key, that's the bit I'm desperate to learn. I went to all the classes, read all night trying to find out, and my visiting midwife tried to help, but he just wouldn't :(

OP posts:
ILoveStickers · 15/06/2020 20:49

It sounds like you had a terrible time. It might be totally different another time, or it might be similar.

It's a two-person skill, and some babies do really struggle with it. It really sounds like it's not something you did or didn't do. Don't beat yourself up!

Research and support set up beforehand is a great idea. Do that, and then try to stop worrying (easier said than done).

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

Squaretoe · 15/06/2020 20:49

DD1 would not latch, I tried, the midwives tried, it wasn’t happening. She had a traumatic birth which may have something to do with it. I gave up after 11 days of hell and beat myself up for years. DD2 latched as soon as she was offered a nipple and we had no problems. All babies are different, all you can do is try but don’t be hard on yourself if it doesn’t happen Flowers

ILoveStickers · 15/06/2020 20:52

Reading back the digestive issues, and distractedness, and all you've dealt with, no wonder he couldn't feed! Really really doesn't sound like you could have done anything different.

Intastellaburst · 16/06/2020 01:09

Sorry it’s been so hard/ Did you have anyone try to help in person after you came home from hospital? Some places have breast feeding groups where experienced advisers can look at your latch and try to help. Probably easier than getting help over the next phone. You could ask your local children’s centre what is on offer.

My own experience of bf has been very positive and my second baby has been even easier to feed than my first. Maybe I have just been lucky but wanted to give some positive feedback that it doesn’t have to be horrendous and painful and some babies do take to it right away. So you may have more luck second time round x

missyoumuch · 16/06/2020 01:21

Definitely go for a lactation consultant. A package of a few hours is a small investment compared to the cost of formula for 6-12 months. The reality is that in countries with higher rates of BF success, there is more community support. In the UK mothers are sent home after a day or two in hospital with lots of platitudes about breast being best, but little practical assistance.

I’d also look at some local breastfeeding groups, I joined a WhatsApp chat from one of these and it was a lifesaver at unreasonable hours getting support from other mums who were awake and willing to lend an ear.

planningaheadtoday · 16/06/2020 01:36

Don't be too disheartened. I struggled to get feeding with my first. I luckily was rural and in those days a community midwife came in a few times a week and would sit with me whilst I grew confident. I'm sure with cut backs this has stopped.

With my second, she was tiny, prem and didn't so much suckle as just swallow. What I did find that my breasts had changed from the first time feeding. It was so much easier to get into a good position to feed. Milk came in easily second time around.

My lovely midwife taught me to push the skin around the nipple forward towards the baby's open mouth, and not pull the skin back to reveal the nipple.
She said you had to try to get as much nipple, skin and all into the babies mouth in order for the nipple to go right back in the mouth to be milked against the pallet. Once I'd mastered this it wasn't at all painful.
I found it easier (with my first) to achieve this laying down. With my second any position worked.

You may find it works really well for you second time around.

Jent13c · 16/06/2020 01:57

I was desperate to BF my first and made sure my birth plan included the golden hour after birth. He fed beautifully as soon as he was on my chest and even though I had to go off to theatre we got our hour together skin to skin.
I stupidly assumed that it would be the exact same with my second and didn't write a birth plan, he was whisked straight off to get cleaned and weighed etc and they were buzzing around annoying me so I never got that time with him. He had other issues (jaundice, tongue tie) but has never latched, didn't have a clue what to do and couldn't really suckle at all for first few days. Hes bottle fed expressed milk and thankfully I have a large oversupply so I only pump 3 x daily and it works for us, I do miss feeding though.

elliejjtiny · 16/06/2020 02:16

The thing with breastfeeding is that sometimes it's easy, sometimes it's hard and sometimes it's impossible. My co - ordination is rubbish so I really struggled, especially with dc2 who is very unco-ordinated as well. However with my youngest i thought I would struggle really badly as he was 3 weeks early, very poorly and spent 5 days in nicu. However he latched on like an industrial vacuum cleaner and I breastfed him for over 2 years.

Liland · 16/06/2020 06:44

Thanks all for your kind words :) Next time I'll just go for prep prep prep, get everything in place for home support out of hospital. Groups are a great idea, thanks! And not beat myself up if it's the same again. I was quite upset with myself for a few months, but I'm not anymore. I'd just like to be able to if the next one is any different! I've never heard of other people finding it impossible to get any kind of latch before so that's helpful, maybe it isnt me.

We've only had to pay for a month of formula actually because of the severity if allergies, it's all prescription milk. That's the only sight positive (would rather he not be allergic and we pay for normal formula though, poor chap)!

OP posts:
BouncyTigger85 · 16/06/2020 08:34

Definitely get help from a lactation consultant.
Presuming you want a hospital birth, is it possible to see if another one close has a specialist infant feeding team?
I realise this may be unlikely, but if it is possible I recommend it. My local hospital does and I struggled to get my 4 month to latch on when he was born (he would turn his head just as he would reach the nipple, silly bean) and they were so supportive and I stayed in hospital for 4 nights (which admittedly I hated at the time, but partially because I planned a home birth and so didn’t want to be in hospital at all) where they helped me with every single latch as they knew we were struggling - the head of infant feeding team even stayed with me For almost hours trying to get him to latch on and feed for more than 2 mins Blush On the morning of the 4th day, something clicked and he latched on perfectly, they then asked me to stay for the 4th night to make sure he was continuously latching on ok then I was home the day after. I feel so blessed that I had their support, and actually thankful I was in hospital to get this support, despite how I felt at the time.

BouncyTigger85 · 16/06/2020 08:45

*With me for almost 2 hours

NoRoomInBed · 16/06/2020 09:08

Every child is different. I have breastfed 3 kids one for 4 months then bottles as she wasn't gaining the weight. 2nd for 2 years he had tounge tie and was the hardest to feed. 3rd took to it perfectly still feeding now at 8 months.

Liland · 16/06/2020 09:12

Yes, I'll be opting for a c-section again now I've already had one. I have some nerve damage on my stomach from the last one, and I don't want to risk an unknown - would prefer the anticipated pain from another section. I will definitely speak to the commuity midwife to see what support is available.

OP posts:
Onekidnoclue · 16/06/2020 09:24

Just wanted to say good luck OP.
I terrible issues feeding DS and tried EVERYTHING, groups, lactation consultants (multiple), tongue tie snipped, nipple shields, la leche helpline, Nct helpline.... seriously everything going! It didn’t work.
I think it’s important to understand that sometimes breastfeeding is impossible- not just hard.
I’m sure you’ll have a different experience with baby 2 as they’re all so different but please don’t torture yourself if it doesn’t work again.
Good luck Flowers

FairfaxAikman · 16/06/2020 09:33

My experience was almost exactly the same as yours OP, except on day five a midwife took pity and broke the rules to give me nipple shields.
They bridged the gap between bottle and breast. They filled up with a little milk, which he was able to get easily and develop a preference for the "good stuff" (her words).

Eventually he decided he didn't need the shields and now he's been BF for more than two years.

Maybe pop a set in your bag just in case?

Liland · 16/06/2020 13:04

Good idea about the nipple shields! I did actually have some last time, but never gave them a go for some reason!

It won't be the end of the world if I can't breastfeed again. It would make my life just to have another at all :)

OP posts:
New posts on this thread. Refresh page
Swipe left for the next trending thread