3 (almost 4) year old being a nightmare at bedtime

[Chuffingchuff]

Hello wiser mumsnetters than me, I need some advice please!

My DD is almost 4 (in september) and has always been quite clingy to me. She wont let DH put her to bed unless she knows I am out of the house, if I am here he has no chance. She will just cry and scream until I go in so we dont even attempt it.

She HATED the cot as a baby and ended up co-sleeping until she was around 1 year old and she had her own bed. She goes to bed in her own bed every night but still comes into ours sometime between 12am-2am. When she goes to bed I used to lay with her until she fell asleep which only took 15 mins max, usually more like 5. I have tried to progress to the next stage of sitting on her bed with her as she goes to sleep for about 2 months to try and gradually get me out of the room altogether, but this is where the problems have started.

The last couple of weeks she has just been a PITA at bedtime! She will mess around, play with toys, get out of bed, talk, joke, play, all while I am sat there! If I leave the room she just gets worse. She also shares a bedroom and is keeping her older DB (7) awake.

So my question is, how do I get her to go to sleep without me lying down with her which I dont want to do? Any hints or tips? Please?!

I should add she is quite stubborn and switched on, she knows how to lie down quietly and go to sleep and knows exactly what she is doing when she starts messing around.

TIA

I'd really up the fresh air and exercise that she's getting. Try and tire her out mentally as well. Avoid screens before bed. Have a good routine for bedtime.

That way you set her (and you) up to succeed. You're giving yourself the best chance.

In terms of getting her to stay in bed...I think it will be hard because you have form for giving in to her demands and she knows it! So, you need to find what work with her. A sticker/star chart works well for lots of children and is a gentle starting point.

Or you can tell her you will stay while she is calm and quiet, but will leave if she isn't. And then follow through with it.

Or you can try the 'stay in bed' technique and just put her back everytime she gets out.

You could try an audio book or mindfulness style sleep app if you think that would help.

Thank you for your reply. Some of those things we do do already but I think the reward chart is definitely something to try. We take her out every day to the park or on her scooter, and I have tried saying I will only stay if she is quiet which she is for about 5 seconds and then starts again.

Hopefully we will be moving soon and she will have her own room. So then if she is being stubborn at least she wont keep her brother awake too.

When you say to her you will only stay if she is quiet and then she starts being noisy again. Do you follow through and leave or stay?

I think you need to talk to her during the day and explain a new bedtime routine. Use a star chart etc.

I do leave yes, but she just starts screaming and crying and I feel sorry for DS then so I usually go back after 10/15 mins. We are trying the reward chart tonight and so far so good, shes talking to herself but lying in her bed at least.