Ok... I'll try to keep this simple, names changed for reasons that will become obvious...
Background;
I am a married Dad of four beautiful children, aged 3, 9, 10 and 13. My 10 year old son, Peter, was with a previous partner and we see him every three weeks for 3/4 nights. My wife is incredibly supportive, treats him like her own, and is my rock as far as parenting advice goes. However we are both a bit stumped with how to proceed.
It's worth saying that when Peter was born I was struggling with some mental health issues and as a result was not a very good father and frankly a bloody horrific partner. Ex and I split up when Peter was one, and I was pretty absent for three years. My behaviour was appalling and I am truly ashamed of the way I treated the ex and son.
However, after a period of mediation and accompanied visits, for the last six years I have tried my hardest to make up for my mistakes in the past, and have completely changed my life to make all my children, wife, and family my number one priority. The ex and I have buried the hatchet and we have an amicable relationship for the sake of Peter. Ex has a new partner who seems like a brilliant man and from what I can gather is a great step-dad to my son. We see Peter every three weeks for a long weekend, have weeks together during school holidays, text and talk every day and he gets on amazingly well with my other children and wife.
The problem;
Firstly, Peter has put on a considerable amount of weight in the last year to 18 months. Easily two stone, and it shows. He isn't very fit, doesn't get out much, and seems mostly interested in his Xbox and phone. I know that 9-10 is a crucial point in a boys growth, and that body shape can change massively, although mostly dependant on eating habits and exercise. However, we are quite a healthy family, and when he is here food is an issue, and when I deny him the third packet of crisps in one day it usually ends in a falling out. My wife and I have NEVER, and would never say anything to him about his weight, but I am worried about his health, his fitness levels, and general well being.
Secondly, having spoken carefully to Peter, and looked at his phone, it is apparent that my ex leaves him alone for hours at a time, often not home till 8pm, and he seems to be left to feed himself and cook whatever he wants. He always seems to be online, Xbox, and I don't think they go out for walks or exercise much at all. I know it's bloody hard at the moment what with all the COVID-19 situation, my ex works in a school and so has been going to work most days and leaving him home, sometimes with his older sister, sometimes with her partner, but usually, it seems, by himself. He's only ten, and I really feel uncomfortable about the situation.
The question;
Do I say something to my ex about my worries...? If so, how do I even begin to voice my concerns without it turning into a bloody awful row...?
I know I have to say something, I'm his Dad, and I love him to bits, so the weight thing is important because of his health, and I'd never forgive myself if something happened to him whilst she was out and I hadn't tried to at least discuss it with her.
Sorry for the epic post... Any advice would be very gratefully received...