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Is anyone else’s mum jealous of the other set of grandparents?

8 replies

katiee1999 · 13/06/2020 16:52

My mum is driving me crazy. Every single time I speak to her she’s always asking about my partners mum and dad (in a way that I know she wants me to moan about them), and says things like ‘have they came round to see the baby much?’. Whenever I say yes, she rolls her eyes and says stuff like ‘doesn’t that annoy you?’ I know exactly what she’s getting at, I can see right through her. I’ll always try and kill the conversation but she’ll just continue to talk about them or bring them up in any way that she can. Whenever they buy my son gifts/clothes she’s always questioning why they have bought it, or again, rolls her eyes. My parents always take the p*ss about how my in-laws want to be called by my son (For example, Granny & Grandpops) and say how ridiculous it is, which I just think is rude. I can’t have a conversation with my mum without her bringing up my mother in law, and asking all sorts of questions about her, and whether we’ve seen her at some point. The in-laws organised a zoom quiz for every Friday whilst we’re in lockdown with my partners side of the family, and my mum just finds it hilarious and says ‘I bet you can’t be arsed doing that’, they also organised a social distanced BBQ and again, my mum just rolls her eyes and makes snidey comments. It might not seem like much, but it’s got to a point where I feel like I have to hide the things she buys him so she doesn’t question me, or I’ve found myself lying about where certain toys and things have came from. My parents to buy our son things, so it’s not as if they feel like they can’t afford to buy the things my in-laws can. If you know what I mean? I honestly don’t know how to deal with it. My son is only 5 months old and it’s been happening since was born in January, and I really don’t know how I’m going to cope for the foreseeable if it carry’s on. Any advice on grandparent jealous would be much appreciated!

OP posts:
saraclara · 13/06/2020 17:00

Be entirely straightforward.

"Do you have a problem with DH's parents? Because they're perfectly nice people. If you're expecting me to moan about them to you, you're going to be disappointed"

Awkes · 13/06/2020 17:01

Can’t really offer advice but I’m in a very similar situation. My parents live quite far away and I have a rocky relationship with my mum anyway due to her being completely self obsessed. Most of the problem comes from that tbh. I’ve got on really well with my in-laws from the beginning. They live closer and the OH is an only child so they’re a very tight knit family. His parents will see us often, I enjoy their company whereas my parents are a chore to deal with. They often buy us things just as a show of affection, not necessarily expensive but to my mum it’s always been an issue. My mil is “taking her place” or she’ll complain she doesn’t have the money to do that. I’m 15 weeks pregnant and ever since we announced it I’ve been on eggshells waiting for the jealousy to start up.

Ihaveoflate · 13/06/2020 19:14

My mother is the same and I just don't know why - my in-laws are a bit odd but the nicest people, and would never be nasty about anyone.

Our relationship isn't great but I try my best to keep it civil. When she starts up with the passive/aggressive or snide comments, I just try not to rise to them and act oblivious to her inferences. I just refuse to play that game with her.

The Karpman drama triangle I find quite useful to understand these situations.

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AnnaSW1 · 13/06/2020 19:15

No. She has nothing to be jealous of!

nervousnelly8 · 13/06/2020 19:24

We have it the other way round. MIL is very jealous of my mum - its like everything is a competition. Most of it stems from the fact that my mum looks after DS 2 days a week (she is retired), whereas my MIL still works full time so doesn't have that option. I don't really have any advice on how to handle it - its really tricky!

thenewaveragebear1983 · 13/06/2020 19:33

Yep. We call it granny rage in our house. We have a nice relationship normally, but DH's parents are very 'hands on' and have 8 grandchildren (inc ours). My parents have ours plus my sisters 1. Periodically mother throws her toys out because dh's parents can do more with the dc because they are a) more local , b) more pushy and c) they bloody offer!

My parents have seen my dc once in 12 weeks and that was June 2nd. And yet, I'll get it in the neck ( it brews for a bit) that they haven't seen my dc and 'don't feel like they know them' and yet they never ask to see them. And when they do see them, they talk to the adults and rarely engage with the dc.

I've given up now. They can see them when they want but they need to ask and I refuse any talk about the other grandparents.

Letsallscreamatthesistene · 14/06/2020 06:40

I find being blunt in these scenarios works a treat.

"Why dont you like them?"

She'll either explain (which I doubt), or she'll shut up and not mention it again.

Confusedcorona · 14/06/2020 06:52

Mine as 10x worse than what you describe.
My mother is vile about my MIL behind her back. I can't dare even mention my MILs name without my mum throwing a hissy fit (along with some horrible words thrown at me).

My advice OP is to nip it in the bud now. Perhaps have an open conversation about how you have noticed some jealousy.

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