At what age is it ok to leave a teen and go away for 2 nights?

[Lovemusic33]

I know it’s probably been asked before.

Every year I post about Dd not wanting to go on holiday and how she ruins holidays for me and her sister. We go camping (Campervan and tent) usually for a couple days at a time and not too far from home. It looks like we will be able to go camping from next month so I am booking a couple trips late July and August. Dd has agreed to one but doesn’t want to go on the other. It’s only a hour from home so I’m thinking about leaving her home alone. I know most people will say it’s fine, she is 16 but she also has dyspraxia and Aspergers so until now I haven’t left her over night. She can’t really cook other than toast due to her dyspraxia (struggles to open things and is a bit clumsy). She is pretty sensible and pretty lazy so would probably spend the 2 days asleep or gaming. We also have family 2 miles away who she could call in an emergency. I think I’m probably worrying about nothing, she would be fine wouldn’t she? And if she needed me I could be home pretty quickly.

You say she can't cook anything, can she microwave a ready meal?

I think 16 is old enough as you are only going a short drive away. I know people with longer daily commutes than 1hr. But only if she is comfortable with it.

As for food, get her to download an App so she can order a takeaway for her dinners. Breakfast and lunch she can live on toast and cereal.

Also, make sure she knows emergency numbers. If you have a neighbour you are close with, let them know. I did that when my DC 17 refused to go with us to China for a family wedding. They ended up spending a few nights at our neighbours house as they got a bit lonely and an empty house can be a bit overpowering after the first few hours of excitement wear off.

She can use a microwave but won’t eat anything that goes in the microwave, she’s a really fussy eater due to sensory issue. She could order a pizza (or I could do it from my phone), she would happily live on cheese toasties for 2 days 🤣. I have left her for a day before and she has been fine, stays in contact via text.

I'd be fine leaving my two overnight (17 and nearly 15), agree that 16 seems a plausible age to be able to start fostering that level of independence.

A reverse example - my husband and his younger brother were 17 and just 16 when they travelled to "Europe" on their own (from Australia) - having relatives to visit and spend Christmas with in the UK, and a coach tour of other European countries. I have recently registered that our eldest is now the age her father was when they did that ...

You could preorder some food from Deliveroo for both nights, and she can eat cereal, snacks and/or toast for the daytime.

With family two miles away I say it's be fine. I knew lots of people who would be left alone for a week at 16. If it doesn't work then you could always go home :)

Op you seem intent on doing it so do it, you know your child best. It’s just you didn’t paint her in the most capable light in your description.

I left my DS to go to Ireland for 3 nights last year when he was 16. I had left him for 1 night a couple of times before that from when he was 15 and three quarters, but I wanted to wait until he was 16 and we don't have anyone close to help in an emergency.

Would she know what to do, if for example, the house went on fire or a pipe started leaking?

Why can't she go and stay with her Dad? Why would you leave a 16 year old with obvious difficulties home alone so you could go camping?

This is the weirdest thread. I mean, you can't be serious?

My DD also has aspergers, she's 20 now. At 16 I left her for a night, but when I went for a week my DNephew stayed with her. The year after I went away for a week again and she spent a couple of nights at home but the rest with her grandparents. I left her for a week at 18.

It totally depends on the teenager - if she's happy to be left and has adults nearby she can depend on I'd say it'll be fine.

Just wanted to add - DD and my DP want completely different things out of a holiday so I took a terrible sacrifice and went on separate holidays with them

I left mine for one overnight, with an iron clad back up plan, at 13.

I think it’s really dependent on you & your child. I could leave my 13year old , he can cook some basic things & is very sensible but I wouldn’t leave him, I would be very worried.

Maybe it's a goal you can work up to and get her to practice making simple meals and teaching her what to do in an emergency etc. Then start with one night and build up to 2 and so on.

I think if she can only cook toast and is dyspraxic and autistic I'd be a bit concerned.
I have a 16 year old, haven't left her but she has said she doesn't want to come on holiday with us if we go away for a uk break in August so i sympathise and they can suck the joy out of things if they dont want to be there!
Can she have meals with your familty who are local? , can they pop in and check on her a few tes a day? How quickly can someone be there in an emergency? Its only for 2 nights and youd be an hour away but I've had a couple of instances with my older teenagers when i left them during the day , a bath overflowing causing water cascading through ceiling and a small fire - and they really didnt have a clue what to do in an emergency and its made me more cautious with my younger two now aged 16 and 13.

We have family 5 minutes away, I’m sure her dad can pop in to check on her and even cook her something when he finishes work, we also have friendly neighbours who she knows she can go to in an emergency. Apart from the issues with cooking she’s pretty responsible, I don’t think she would panic in an emergency, if anything she’s a bit too laid back in an emergency 🤣. I think the food thing is my main worry because if left to it she would probably just live on crisps and cheese.

She can’t stay with her dad, he lives in a bed sit (long story but basically he lives there so he doesn’t have to look after his kids), the issue is she doesn’t like being away from home so staying at a relatives house would be as bad as her coming on holiday.

Entirely your choice.
When I was 16 my parents went to Australia for 6 weeks. They thought my 19 year old sister was with me but she moved in with her boyfriend.
When she was 16 she went backpacking around Australia with our older sister, then 18.
We are in the UK by the way.
So 2 nights seems like nothing. But I don't think my parents are the best example.

Personally I think if she wants to do it and relatives could check on her I would go for it. Doesn’t sound like she’s fussed about eating home cooked dinners whilst your away, so even if she could cook would she bother? It’s not going to harm her to eat toasties and snacks for two days if that’s what she wants to do. I would say it all comes down to if she feels capable to stay. My husband has asperges and he sounded quite similar to her as a child and when left would just play games, read books and barely do anything!

"She can’t stay with her dad, he lives in a bed sit"

Seems like an obvious solution is to ask her dad to stay over each night say 7pm-9am and make her dinner and breakfast.

Or if he can't, pay a capable older babysitter to do this and leave her dad's number as an emergency contact

Reading your posts, you've described a child with SEN who would eat nothing but crisps and toast, and won't wash or brush their hair unless reminded. I wouldn't leave that child alone overnight. A child who is up to the basics of food prep and self-care, I would. Their precise age is only part of the consideration.

Eating crisps for 2 days and not brushing her hair won’t harm her though?

I tried speaking to her dad today but he never gives me a straight answer, I’m sure he would either stay here or pop in to check on her.

Eating crisps for 2 days and not brushing her hair won’t harm her though?

Being left home alone for 2 days when she clearly isn't ready might though.