7 year old shouting at me - what could I have done differently

[TigerMoon]

Today we were about to go for a walk and I asked 7 year old DD to put trousers or skirt on so we could go (she was only wearing tights and t-shirt). She wanted to go in just her tights and started shouting at me to get her point across.

Fair enough, she didn't want to change and I would have let it go as in the grander scheme of things, what she wears on a walk doesn't matter. However, the aggressive shouting is a daily occurence and it's getting me down. I'd calmly asked her not to shout two or three times but she continued so I said "I know you're cross but I can't have you shouting at me like this so I'll have to say no Mario Kart today." She loves to play Mario most days late afternoon so this was a big deal for her. Of course, that led to slamming doors, wailing, and complaining that "mummy's ruined everything".

She refused to accept that the shouting was the reason for no Mario. As a result, the walk never happened. I'm not sure I handled it right but don't know what I should have done differently. I guess the only options were:

1. Ignore the shouting and give in on the request to get dressed and jolly everyone on to leave the house. Inevitably within five minutes, the shouting would have been forgotten and we'd have enjoyed the walk. This is the easier approach I most often take.

1. Issue the consequence for shouting as I did. Obviously this resulted in everyone feeling miserable right now but I'm hoping in the longer-term it will help reduce the shouting (which happens at least once a day).

I feel like she's acting like a teenager already and can't bear the thought of another 10 years of arguing/shouting/rudeness. Being shouted at effects me quite badly as I'm an introvert who avoids confrontation and so find it hard to be on the receiving end of aggression.

On the flip side, she's equally incredibly sweet, loves to have cuddles and her teachers have always commented on how happy and friendly she is.

She's having a hard time not being at school at the moment so I don't want to be too tough on her but equally don't want to turn a blind eye to the bad behaviour (especially shouting) in case it's just setting us up for years of the same.

Should I have handled things differently? Any advice would be greatly appreciated!

At 7 she's old enough to know that actions have consequences. What you describe sounds more typical of toddler tantrums than a 7 year old.
You did the right thing and should continue to do so. If she's well behaved at school and not at home then she's playing you.

When she shouts I would totally disengage and remain calm but firm. She does understand that shouting was the reason she lost her game time. When she is calm I would talk to her and say that shouting isn't how you talk and if she starts shouting you will not be talking to her until she stops. Leave the room or just turn your back. Don't engage unless it's to tell her why you aren't talking to her. Give her a reaction for good behaviour and don't give bad behaviour any attention. Also if you try to talk/shout when she is shouting you won't get anywhere it just turns into a shouting match.

The only difference I would suggest is to give mario as a warning rather than just take it away.
If you shout at them again, it’s no mario today. But otherwise, spot on.

I wouldnt spring the punishment on her.
Once she started shouting I would have given her a warning 'It isnt OK to shout at me, if you continue then you will not be able to play MK today' and then I would finish getting ready myself, get my coat on. Then tell her it's time to go to the loo before we go out and give her what it was I wanted her to wear. If she refused I might have taken her trousers with me if her coat was long enough to cover her bum if they were transparent and to keep her warm.

It's not ideal but worse things happen when she was 8 Dd lost her playsuit at Princess Diana Park where she had been playing in the water in her swim suit she had to travel back to our hotel on the tube wrapped in a towel so it isn't as bad as that!

I echo the others, give a warning first. My almost 7 year old is the same btw. I'm going to reintroduce a sticker chart as we just cant seem to get past the regular rage whenever things dont go his way.

You did the right thing, and she needs to know that from now on she can expect further consequences if she yells at you again. There will be one warning and that's it. You need to nip this in the bud. Tell her it is perfectly fine to be angry or frustrated with you, but the shouting is unacceptable.

Personally I don't take away something immediately, I talk first with a warning, so they have a chance to correct their mistake. Then if they do it again they know what the consequences are. So when mine speak to me.rudely, I'll respond "how you just spoke to me was rude. Saying it like this - xxxx- is rude- we don't talk like that to other people. You should've asked like this- 'yyyyy'. If you talk to me like Xxx again, you will lose your whatever privileges. Do you understand?". Etc.

I agree. First thing every day, say that you are expecting no shouting, and if she shouts at you, then there will be no Mario (or whatever). But if she behaves nicely and doesn't shout, then she can have a treat - 5 minutes extra screen time, or whatever.

Explain that the choice is hers to make. She is getting a positive reward for good behaviour, and only herself to blame if it all goes wrong.

If she starts to shout, then give her one reminder.

I'd also set a new house rule of getting fully dressed in the morning (you can set a time) in clothes fit to leave the house in, even if you have to set out the clothes yourself.

Thank you everyone for the comments - I'm feeling a bit better about how I handled it now. And I agree - a warning first would be a better plan in the future.